


Only in the Movies

by th1rteen



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-03
Updated: 2015-07-16
Packaged: 2018-02-07 08:43:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 44
Words: 59,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1892589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/th1rteen/pseuds/th1rteen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU Human Nature<br/>Fleeing the Family, the Doctor hides as an actor with Martha posing as his agent.  Rose gets pulled back into the universe and is along for the ride.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Lady Vanishes

**Author's Note:**

> This story sprung up in my head one morning and won't leave me alone. I'm writing it down in hopes of getting rid of it. Anything you recognize isn't mine (and believe me, I 'borrow' a lot!).
> 
> Feedback is appreciated as I am a very reluctant author. I hope I do these characters some justice!

"Mum, it's happening again." Rose Tyler said into her mobile as she watched her reflection in the doors of the lift disappear. She was feeling less attached to the world around her, gravity wasn't pulling the same way it had just seconds ago.

The first time it happened was as she walked off that damned beach in Norway. The Doctor's shimmering presence had vanished leaving her broken and more alone than she had ever felt before. She thought, at the time, that it was just another manifestation of losing him. The disconnectedness, the tearing. But something else was pulling on her, something otherworldly.

That time it was brief, a few seconds. She didn't even lose cohesion that time, not quite. But as the days turned into weeks, which somehow became months, that ran into 2 years, these "episodes," as she now thought of them, became longer, stronger, more vivid.

As they stretched out, Rose was able to observe more around her. At first it was glimpses. She would disappear, but yet appear… elsewhere… away… somewhere different... Sometimes on Earth (or what might have been Earth), sometimes places very… alien.

In the beginning, Rose hoped that this was the Doctor pulling her back through to her original universe. That he had somehow found a way to bring her back to him. She started to look forward to the feeling of weightlessness, the pull of her atoms separating. But as her experience grew, she noticed that things were, at best, unfamiliar in the "other" places she went to. Some places, things were downright horrifying.

"Just breathe sweetheart, it will pass. It always does." Jackie Tyler was used to these calls from her daughter, although they were becoming more frequent. To cope, she had put her faith in her husband and Torchwood. They had come up with equipment meant to keep Rose together. Unfortunately, at least for the moment, it meant that Rose couldn't travel far from Torchwood.

"It feels different this time mum, less random. Like it knows where to go this time." Rose's voice was getting muffled, almost tinny, like she was talking into a can. "I think I want to go."

"Don't say that love. You're going to be fine." The next thing Jackie Tyler heard was the clanging of Rose's mobile hitting the elevator floor.

x13x

Lights. Very bright lights were all around her. And there was a humming. No, singing, definitely a singing. Something felt alive, conscious here. It was all so familiar, like a half remembered dream, more than half remembered.

Rose wasn't fully connected with this new place, but she felt more attached here than she had in all of her other experiences. She couldn't feel the air around her, but she could feel… something… something different… but no… not different… she knew this well, so well she used to take it for granted, like the Earth spinning under her feet…

Her head was feeling heavy. No, not heavy, full. Her head felt full, but not in an uncomfortable way. It was all actually very much putting her at ease, like the feeling of finally getting home after a long time away. She felt like something restricting had let go and she was free again, at last.

Her senses felt sharper, clearer than they had been, like as if before, she was living inside a fishbowl looking to the outside world, everything muted and dim, transformed and blurred by the light passing through the glass. She heard sounds now that she was sure she never heard before. Not because they weren't there, but because she wasn't able to really hear before.

Then suddenly it was all slipping away.

"No!" She thought she yelled, but no sound emerged. She felt choked again, her restraints once again fastened.

She didn't want to go. More than anything else that came before, she did not want to leave this place. She tried to hold on as hard as she could. But there was no purchase, nothing to hold on to. It was reminiscent of slipping off that lever that fateful day that seemed so long ago, but hurt as if it had just happened. Chains wrapped tightly around her, the fullness of her mind was forced out leaving a gaping, angry maw. Loneliness was consuming her.

Her scream was terrifyingly silent.

x13x

Gravity reasserted its hold as Rose fell to the floor of the lift. Her mobile was still there, even though hours had passed since she dropped it. Tears silently slid down her face. Her vision was blurred. She ached. Usually her body hurt when she came back, the Torchwood doctors said it was to be expected after having your whole self broken apart and scattered who knew where.

This time, it was more than physical though. This time, her whole being throbbed. Like half of herself was still missing. More than half now. Half of a half. After all, she left half of herself in the other universe, years ago.

The emotional toll likened to that day. When she could see him, and hear him, but not touch, no touching, not ever again. Rose felt sick as she remembered the last time she heard his voice. The last thing he almost said. The last thing she hoped he almost said.

As she collected herself on the floor, she wondered why the emotions from so long ago came back to her with such vengeance. She vaguely wondered if she had died and come back. Maybe her life flashed before her eyes, or at least the most important bits. Maybe that's what all this was. A slow death. Could that have been a glimpse into an afterlife? Had she briefly visited heaven? Maybe that's why she didn't want to leave.

Apparently it wasn't her time.

She nearly laughed out loud at that. Time, still screwing her after all these years.

After a few minutes she slowly got to her feet and pressed the floor for Torchwood medical. Exams always followed these experiences, but with their increasing frequency, Rose really felt like she spent all of her time in the med-bay.

"Might as well call mum." She said to no one in particular. But before she could, the vanishing sensation was happening again and her grip on this reality was fading. This time was even stronger than the last and Rose was almost looking forward to it. Thinking that maybe, just maybe, there was something better on the other side, this time.

She held her hand in front of her face. She could almost see through it. Her fingers left trails of a golden yellow sparkle as she waved them before herself. The more transparent she became, the more together she felt. Almost like she was shedding her body to assemble her soul.

It was happening slower this time, it felt deliberate. Like something (or someone?) was taking her apart and putting her back together again. It felt like it should hurt but it didn't. Or maybe it did? Pain seemed foreign in her current state. She was twinkling and fading like confetti being tossed and blown in the wind. All the while another, deeper, part of her was coalescing and intensifying, shoring up.

Becoming.

x13x


	2. Waking Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the Kudos and comment.

John Smith woke up with a bit of a start. He was almost surprised to find himself in his own bed. Looking around, he felt both out of place and at home. Feeling a bit ridiculous, he took a deep breath and fought to get back to sleep.

He was dreaming, he knew it, recognized it.

*She* was there. In a lift, talking on a mobile. Nothing extraordinary about that. She was blurred, almost like he was seeing a reflection in badly polished steel. Then she shimmered, turned a golden color and whispy, like the wind could blow her image away in a second, a heartbeat. She felt dimmed in a way, which was confusing because he was not touching her. Her image faded further but his feelings intensified.

John felt whole in a way he never experienced before. Like suddenly anything was possible because a piece that was broken, or missing, was restored. It was thrilling and shocking and he wanted it to go on forever.

John's phone blared intrusively. Bleary eyed and grumbling, he picked it up and nearly threw it across the room. He recognized the number of his agent. Looking at the time and realizing it was still very early in the morning, he ignored the call in favor of trying to get back to sleep and continue his dream.

She was there again, still in the lift, looking a bit disoriented, almost unsteady on her feet. He wanted to reach out to secure her, maybe wrap her in his arms but he didn't seem to actually be there. He tried to lift his hand to his face but found that it wasn't his hand. It was hers. He was staring at her reflection in the doors of the lift. He was looking out from inside of her eyes.

The hand in front of his face was fading, but again the feeling of her, of connectedness was increasing. He wanted to plunge into this and never surface. He willed with all of his might never to wake up again.

His phone trilled again.

"This better be important!" John snarled into the phone, more than a little irritated that once again his dreams were interrupted.

"I've got a role for you." It was his agent, again.

"Martha, the sun is barely up, can't this wait until later?"

"It's nearly noon."

John looked across to his alarm clock, "It can't-" It read 11:48am, "Oh, right, well… I'm not awake yet, having a good lie in… I'll ring you later." He disconnected just as Martha was asking him whether he went on some kind of bender last night.

It was unusual for John to sleep late. He didn't need much sleep, never did. Although lately he was sleeping a bit longer, and his dreams had been, well, interesting. At Martha's suggestion he'd started keeping a dream journal. Martha made an appearance in at least one of his dreams. He knew she probably fancied him a bit and was looking to see how much of a staring role she'd been given in his nighttime proclivities.

What Martha either didn't realize, or didn't want to accept was that he did not believe in love. Oh sure, he knew that he needed companionship, friendship and the like, and occasionally that need was baser and more physically pressing, although he couldn't remember clearly the last time he had been physically intimate with someone.

His dreams reflected that attitude. In them he was an adventurer (or a madman), traveling through time and space. Different people with him, different destinations. Sometimes saving the world (or universe), sometimes staying out of the way while lifetimes were destroyed. He wasn't a savior, but, very rarely, a hero.

He even carried this attitude in the movies he starred in. He was a leading man, but never with emotional connections beyond that of duty, or heroism. He was an action hero, a gunslinger, a spy, even maniacally ingenious villains. His most famous role was that of a doctor that traveled to Africa to help the sick, and was ultimately killed because of civil unrest. That role earned him an award, and his nickname. All of these roles, but never, not once, a prince charming or the like.

It's not that he hadn't tried. In fact, early on he was pursued by casting directors and producers, swearing that his good looks and charm would have female audience members swooning over him and packing theaters, and thereby making everyone a lot of money. But very quickly it became evident that he couldn't act those parts convincingly. He would rescue the damsel in distress believably, but when it came to sweeping her off her feet and into his arms, he became tense, jittery, and so uncomfortable that sweat would pour off of him and he'd get physically ill. Eventually the parts would be recast.

This was never a problem as the action hero roles were pouring in, and really, he didn't think he would ever be capable of playing an emotion he never even hoped to feel. Naturally he had been asked about his aversion to love, as being a fairly successful and attractive celebrity tended to engender a lot of speculation about one's private interests, especially in that area. He was always very private, refusing to talk about his family and other connections (not that there were any to really talk about) and just responded by saying that he didn't want to get involved with someone if he didn't feel as strongly about them.

And while this was all true, he never mentioned that he always thought that there wasn't anyone out there for him. It wasn't that he was very particular, it was just that he never felt that connection with another person, never felt passion, not on the level he expected to feel it.

Well, not never. Actually recently he'd been feeling quite a lot in this area. Just not while he was awake. Lately his dreams, while always fantastic, were different. They had been starring a blonde woman named Rose. A figment of his imagination, but a vividly real figment. She seemed to know him. Or he thought she did. She evoked a feeling within him that he couldn't define. When he woke up from these dreams he wanted to go back to sleep. Wanting another glimpse, another clue as to who this mystery was.

Suddenly feeling like he'd been in bed for far too long, John bounced up and to his feet and headed to the shower. He brought his mobile with him, dialing up Martha and putting her on speaker. He could talk while he washed.

"What's the part?" He asked as soon as she picked up.

"Are you calling me from the shower again?"

"No, it's raining here and I decided to go for a walk." He answered in a somewhat exasperated manner. "What's the part?"

"Ugh, you are impossible. The part is the leading role in a live action version of an animated film."

"Bit vague, any other clues?"

"There will be stunts and special effects and elaborate costumes…" She trailed off. Martha was obviously being vague on purpose.

"Martha, what is it about this role that you're intentionally not telling me?"

"Oh, no-nothing, not… not really. I think it's a great part, and you're perfect for it." She was beginning to stutter. "It's just that I agreed to it on your behalf already, because you didn't answer my call and they needed to know immediately." This had happened before. Martha knew him well enough and was a good enough judge of his character and abilities to make commitments on his behalf if he wasn't available.

"All right, that's fine. When do we start?"

"They're sending over the script today. You'll have a week or so for preliminary review, then the read-throughs begin. Also, some of it is going to be shot on location."

"Oh really? Where?"

"Scotland. And before you ask, the answer is NO!"

"Come on Martha! I've been practicing!"

"Absolutely not." She could picture his affronted appearance, could almost 'hear' his kicked puppy look. "You will not be doing a Scottish accent. You're rubbish at accents anyway."

x13x


	3. Jerry Maguire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone still interested. I'm not a very good writer, I'm just doing this to get this story out of my brain.

"This is not what I signed up for." Martha muttered to herself as she hung up the phone with John Smith. No, he wasn't John Smith, he was the Doctor.

It had been nearly a month since they encountered the Family and the Doctor had to stuff his being into a fob watch and assume the life of a man the TARDIS created for him. All in the hope of waiting out the remaining lifetime of these entities that wanted to harvest his essence for their eternal life.

He had said 3 months. At least she was a third of the way there. But this was not what she was expecting. An actor? Of all things! He was supposed to be hiding! But this cocked up story the TARDIS created made it so the media and the public followed him around wherever he went. His name and his face were everywhere. At least, as his agent, she could keep an eye on him, no one could get to him without going through her.

But he sure did seem to like making her job (and life) harder. He almost never checked in, he avoided her phone calls, never kept appointments. This was getting unbearable! When she was really exasperated with him she tried to remind herself that this could have been worse. When he got more difficult to handle she sometimes tried to think up personas and times that would have been even more frustrating just to give herself a bit of a silver lining. Her favorite (or maybe least favorite) at the moment was that the TARDIS made him into a school teacher at the turn of the century, and she his maid, AND that he fell in love with the school nurse. That would have been awful!

Martha had visited the TARDIS once a week or so, sometimes more, depending on how much of a reprieve she needed from John. At her last visit, the TARDIS seemed edgy and nervous. She couldn't outright communicate with the TARDIS but she had enough of a sense of her to know when the old girl was upset. Martha attributed this to the Family getting closer. So the need to move the Doctor to another location to keep him safe was now paramount.

Leaving wouldn't be impossible to convince the Doctor-well, John to do. He was an actor and, thanks to the TARDIS, was used to traveling for roles. The problem was the role the TARDIS seemed to pick for him. He wasn't going to like it.

John Smith was emotionally unavailable, much like, Martha thought, the Doctor was to her. The filmography that the TARDIS created for him certainly agreed with that. All action, no heart. But the only role available at the moment, the only role that would take them away from here, was not exactly in line with John Smith's repertoire. It seemed like the TARDIS was continuing to allow her Time Lord to grieve for this lost companion. Even though the Doctor only mentioned her briefly, Martha could tell that the loss of Rose weighed deeply within him. She felt constantly compared to Rose and found wanting. It was like being the rebound relationship. But given the concocted history of John Smith and the roles he apparently excelled at, Martha was seriously confused at the script and production the TARDIS fabricated for him. It was for this reason that Martha stuttered while on the phone with him. Well, that and the image of him in the shower. Who did that really? Talked on the phone while in the shower. Anyway, she was either going to have to convince the TARDIS to change her mind (not likely) and formulate another role, or the Doctor - John Smith was going to have to get over himself and learn how to become a… prince.

Not all at once of course. There was a bit of a reprieve with this role. He didn't have to be romantic from day 1, unless they shot the movie entirely out of order. He should be allowed to ease into it a bit because the role was the leading man in the live action version of Beauty and the Beast. John Smith was going to play Adam, the prince transformed into a hideous beast as punishment for his cold-hearted and selfish ways. The man that must love and earn the love of Belle, who he imprisoned in his castle, to break the curse.

Martha decided that she better go and try to have a chat with the TARDIS because when John finally got his hands on the script he was probably going to fire her.

x13x

The TARDIS was hidden in a park, off an abandoned trail. To Martha, she looked totally conspicuous and she wondered how in the world she remained undisturbed. The Family was looking for the Time Lord, wouldn't his TARDIS be a big clue? It was like playing 'hide and seek' with a bell around your neck.

Martha unlocked the door, and walked into chaos.

Lights were blinking, the console was sparking, the air was thick with smoke, and she got the feeling of an overwhelming need to pull as hard as she could. She just wasn't sure what she was supposed to be pulling on. Coughing, Martha ran to the console, desperate to try to figure out what was causing this.

"What is it? What's wrong?" She yelled to the TARDIS. There was no answer, just a continued straining and sparking and burning. It seemed like she was ripping herself apart. "What am I supposed to do?"

The Doctor would know, but that option was quite significantly off the table.

Then, just as alarmingly, there was a crash from somewhere below the console, and everything went eerily dark, and still.

Martha blinked a few times. The smoke was still thick but seemed to be clearing, and it was pitch dark. So much so that she was sure if she moved she'd trip and end up bleeding to death from a head wound. Just then, a low moan split the silence.

"Is someone there?" She asked the darkness. There was no response.

Martha now thought that the TARDIS had been fighting off an invader and that's what the fireworks had been about. Someone, or something had breached the TARIDS's defenses. What if it was the Family?

Another, more strangled moan sounded from below the console, followed by a dull thud, like something, or someone hitting the floor.

After debating with herself for a while about the merits of going beneath the console to see what (or who) was down there, Martha cautiously climbed below. It was still very dark in the TARDIS, and Martha was navigating the wreckage and haze with the light from her mobile. Finally getting to the floor beneath, she thought she saw a faintly glowing... something… She approached the dim golden glow with trepidation, this could be the entity responsible for the trauma to the TARDIS. Little did she know how correct she was.

x13x


	4. Awakenings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter and I had words... I'm not happy with it but can't figure out how to fix it. It feels rushed to me.

Rose had a tremendous headache. By far the worst of her life. Worse even than the hangover the day after her 18th birthday party. She tried to open her eyes but the lids seemed almost glued shut, like they were so heavy that she needed assistance just to barely break the seal. Giving up for the moment, she then noticed a song, someone singing, softly but strongly. A melody that was foreign yet familiar, and completely comforting. The pain in her head eased and she drifted off into unconsciousness.

Something was nudging Rose. It wasn't a physical push, more like something prodding at her mind. Almost in the way that a dog would nose your elbow to try to wake you up to be fed. It was gentle but firm, and done in a way that demonstrated care and concern.

Her eyelids fluttered open and her senses returned, though muted and blurry. She vaguely saw flashes of pink. Something clicked inside Rose and suddenly she jolted upright, finally realizing where she was.

"Easy. Don't get up so quickly." An unfamiliar voice came from somewhere outside of her vision and arms braced across her body, gradually forcing her back to a reclined position. "You've been out for a while."

"How?... " Rose began, her voice dry and hoarse. "Who..."

"I'm Martha. I'm guessing you're Rose."

Rose finally opened her eyes and focused enough to see Martha sitting across from her. She was in her bed, in her room, in the TARDIS. Suddenly 'How' and 'Who' didn't matter. She was finally here. But where was the Doctor?

Seeing the panic in Rose's face and body, and anticipating the strain to move, she tried to calm her. "He's fine. He's just not here right now. I'll explain it to you later, but you should rest now."

Rose was feeling stronger by the minute and was not interested in waiting for an explanation. She was back! How or why didn't matter, only one thing, one person did, and she NEEDED to see him, right now! It was at that moment that, unbeknownst to Martha, the TARDIS interceded.

The TARDIS communicated to Rose the whole tale of the Family and what and where the Doctor was right now. Rose, at first, was distressed by the direct connection from the TARDIS. It was stronger and more coherent than anything the ship had previously projected to her. The ship didn't communicate in a conventional way, this was through images, both strange and familiar, evoking an emotional reaction to get the point across.

Rose started to become accustomed to it, welcomed it in fact. Underneath the entirety of the conversation was a feeling of relief and welcoming, that the TARDIS was grateful that she was here. Rose tried to let the old girl know how happy she was to be there too and she found that she actually could 'talk' to her in a way. This was also remarkably different from the last time she had been aboard the fantastic ship.

After a time, Rose spoke, "So, he's hiding as an actor."

"How did you know?" Martha was surprised and a bit suspicious. When she had further investigated the glowing lump under the console and found it to be a human, well, at least she thought she was human. The woman had glowing eyes and spoke in an ethereal and frightening voice, ordering Martha to take care of Rose, before she collapsed and the light faded away.

Martha had dragged the woman she now thought to be Rose through the corridors of the TARDIS because she thought she was a friend of the Doctor's. She figured that was the reason the TARDIS moved the unfamiliar door with the Rose engraved on it as close to the console room as possible. She just assumed that this was the Doctor's long lost Rose and that the TARDIS wanted her to take care of her. But knowing where and what the Doctor was hiding made her distrustful. Could this be a member of the Family? Had she just betrayed the Doctor?

Rose interrupted her thoughts, "I'm sorry, I'm making you nervous. It just took me by surprise is all. The TARDIS told me all about it just now. I'm somehow talking to her. Up here." Rose gestured to her head. "My name is Rose Tyler, and I never thought I'd be back here." She said with a smile that turned watery, obviously overcome.

It then occurred to Rose that the Doctor may have regenerated. The feelings that evoked made her stomach drop to her feet and all the air to rush out of her lungs. She was suddenly desperate to know if the man she adored still had the face she remembered. The panic that the TARDIS alleviated by letting her know where the Doctor was came back in full force. But how to ask this question of Martha was tricky. Had he told Martha about his Time Lord tricks? If not, Martha would think she was totally mad.

"I need to see him." She managed. "I know he won't recognize me, I just need to see his face." Tears started flowing freely down Rose's cheeks. "Please," she begged, "Please, you have to tell me where he is, I have to see him."

Martha became uncomfortable with the emotion brewing within her. She didn't know who Rose was or how to handle her connection to the Doctor. She knew that jealousy wasn't the mature reaction to have, but she felt the green-eyed monster lurking never the less. She thought to try to comfort Rose but she was becoming almost territorial. Feeling like you're second best while the competition was locked away in another universe was one thing. Actually having that person around and asking for your help to get to the object of their (and your) affections was quite another!

Shaking herself out of her state and feeling more than a little embarrassed by her reaction, Martha knew that she had to help Rose because she was important to the Doctor, and that's what she was concerned about. So she would help Rose see him, but in a controlled way. After all, she still didn't entirely trust that Rose wasn't somehow involved with this mess the Family had created. Then she had an idea. "He's signing autographs tomorrow."

"Huh?" Rose was a little confused, not connecting the Doctor's 'actor' identity with pubic appearances and a fan base.

"He'll be at a book shop downtown, signing autographs. He's promoting his latest film, which was based on some spy thriller novel that came out recently."

Rose, shocked, gasped, "How long has it been?" It had been 2 years since Rose had seen her Doctor but now it seemed like it could have been a lot longer for him. He had a whole film career!

"He's been hiding as 'John Smith' for about a month."

"How is that possible?"

"I think the TARDIS set it up. All I know is that this whole mess started about a month ago. The TARDIS gave me credentials as an agent, although John Smith is my only client. She set him up with a career, an adoring public, a flat, everything."

"And he has no idea who or what he is?" Rose found this hard to believe, that the entirety of the Doctor had been suppressed.

"He bleeds through a lot. Has been having dreams about his life as a Time Lord." Martha sighed, then continued, "The TARDIS has been getting antsy lately, I think we'll be needing to get away from here soon. The Family might be getting closer." Martha stopped, wondering if she revealed too much, and then quickly changed the subject to distract Rose from the information she divulged. "You should get some rest, you've been through a lot, and besides, if you're going to try to get an autograph tomorrow, you'll need to head out early."

"Why's that?"

Martha laughed a little. "Because, much like the Doctor, John Smith tends to attract people."

That was putting it mildly.

x13x


	5. You've Got Mail

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope I'm not toally wrecking this... Might be a bit melodramatic

Waiting online outside the bookshop was torture. The queue was looped around the building and even though Rose had gotten there early (per Martha's urging), she was still quite far back in line. The store had opened 30 minutes ago but aside from the initial movement of people heading past the doors, Rose hadn't moved at all. She heard mummers through the crowd that 'the Doctor' hadn't arrived yet. She couldn't help but snort in laughter at the fact that his moniker followed him even into his fabricated life.

A dark car with blacked-out windows sped down the street and screeched to a halt in front of the bookstore. Rose KNEW the Doctor was in that car. The crowd took a deep breath, in unison, seemingly to prepare to scream to gain the attention of the occupant. The first person to exit the vehicle, however, was apparently not who the crowd was looking for, and the excitement slightly deflated at that.

Rose wasn't close enough to the entrance to clearly see the passengers exiting the car, but she knew when the Doctor appeared. It could have been because of the reaction of all the other people around her but she almost thought it was just because of a connection she had to him. She felt a tingling in her head, a mental itch that she might have always been aware of, but now intensified.

It took a very long time for the doors to the shop to open and allow the Doctor and his entourage to enter. The crowd was reluctant to let him through but after some time they made it in and some time after that the line started slowly moving.

Rose had finally made it to the doors of the store. There were still a considerable number of people in front of her, but with a few more steps, she would be able to catch her first glimpse of him. She was both anxious and nervous to see him. She was praying with all of her might that he hadn't regenerated, even as she swore to herself that she would still feel the same way for him no matter what face he wore.

She had tried to ask the TARDIS about his appearance, but she projected an air of confusion about her question. It was like she was telling Rose that he never changed, like regeneration wasn't something that she understood or didn't give thought to. Being that communication with the TARDIS was new and confusing to Rose, she couldn't make herself clearer, so she was resigned to attending this event to see for herself.

x13x

Rose made it through the doors only to find herself stuck behind a mob of people taller than her. The throng was impossible to see through. Trying to tamp down her impatience, she thought about what she would do when she finally saw him, knowing that no matter the circumstance, she would have to school her reaction. This thinking led her to realize that she had nothing for him to autograph.

For much of the remainder of the time she spent waiting, she was looking for any item within her reach that she could hand over for him to sign, so when she was finally next in line, she was taken by surprise. All of a sudden she was face to face with the man she was certain she'd never see again.

All of the air rushed out of her lungs, her knees went weak, making her stumble slightly, and her eyes started to tear. It all could have easily been explained away as 'typical' of the Doctor's fan base, except that the Doctor was reacting to her as well.

x13x

John had whined the entire ride from his apartment to the bookstore. He was late and he knew it, in fact, he was the cause of it. He purposely got out of bed late, spent an inordinate amount of time on his hair (even inordinate for him), and puttered around his kitchen trying to find a banana just the right shade of buttercup yellow to eat for breakfast. All of this as punishment for his agent who had signed him up for this latest torture. He hated doing these things. He hated the crowds, the hours, the strain on his hand and wrist from writing his name over and over again. But most of all he hated the fans that fell all over themselves at the sight of him, the ones that screamed then sighed and passed out, they were horrible. The normal everyday person he was fine with, but the over the top swooners, no thank you!

So he groused and complained until even he couldn't stand himself any longer, which was about as long as it took to get to the bookshop. Upon seeing the massive crowds and lines around the block he shuddered and groaned and wondered for the thousandth time that morning what in the world possessed him to go into acting, and whether or not he should begin to contemplate firing his agent.

Martha got out of the car first and began trying to clear a path to the door. She was having marginal success before John stepped out, and was immediately mobbed. But just before the swarm enveloped him he felt an odd sensation, almost like an itch pass through his head and he turned to try and find the cause, but the crowd swelled around him and made further investigation impossible.

Eventually he was ushered into the store and found himself in an uncomfortable chair at an unsteady folding table. There were stacks of books for him to autograph for his admirers, and another stack of his publicity photo. There were also a number of markers strewn over the table. As he perused what would be his prison for the next few hours, his head began to pound and his fingers and wrist started to ache.

"I can't believe I agreed to do this." He said to Martha, who dropped a few bottles of water on the table. "I hate doing this." He sighed and put his head in his hands. The organizers hadn't let anyone in past the front doors as yet, so he didn't have to put on a sunny disposition.

Martha rolled her eyes at him and responded, "You're still grumbling about this? I thought you'd be done by now. You know you have to do these things once in a while. Give something back to the fans and all."

"I know, it's just that... ugh... I hate this."

"I've heard. You've only said it a few thousand times already this morning." She put her hand on his shoulder and asked, "Are you ready to face your adoring public?"

"Lay on Macduff."

x13x

John was bored. He had no idea how many times he signed his name so far, he was sure he'd been at it for hours but when he checked the time he saw that not much had passed. The thought that time is wibbly-wobbly crossed his mind. He had been going through the motions, saying hello, asking who the autograph was for, thanking the person for coming and waiting in line, etc. It was monotonous.

He took a sip of water, stretched his hand out and closed his eyes briefly, looking for a tiny respite before the next person walked up. He opened his eyes as the person who's book he just signed was stepping to the side, allowing the next person to up. The rest of the day became hazy after he saw her.

Beautiful wasn't the right word. Important or vital came closer. She was familiar but strange. He started to shake a bit, becoming nervous and excited. She looked like she was going to cry or faint, maybe both.

"Who are you?" He asked, staring intently, trying to look at her everywhere at once, trying to figure out where he had seen her, why she was eliciting such a reaction in him, such an emotional response.

"Doctor..." She began and faltered.

"Who do you want it made out to? Martha interjected, puzzled by the exchange and troubled by her involvement in suggesting this to Rose.

Rose and the Doctor continued to start at each other. The Doctor's pocket started to grow warm. Getting hotter until it snapped him out of his stupor, burning enough that he thrust his hand in and took the fob watch out of his pocket, nearly throwing it to the floor, cursing at the heat coming off it. The watch clattered to the table, glowing faintly golden, where it cooled and returned to normal.

"I think maybe you should go." Martha said as she started to come around to the customer side of the table, toward Rose.

"NO!" John exclaimed, too loudly, jumping up and startling the crowded shop. "I mean, that it's all right. I'm fine, just started day dreaming a bit." He collected himself, sat back down and looked at Rose.

"I'm sorry-" Rose started to apologize, but John interrupted her.

"Not at all, entirely my fault." He looked up at her, trying to use his assets to keep her attention. He focused his whole being on her, using every trick he was ever accused of having. Then, remembering where he was, he realized he would very soon be learning her name. "Now, who shall I make this out to?"

Rose's face fell at his question. It caused her to remember that he didn't know her, that the chameleon arc had rewritten him, that he wasn't her Doctor, even though he still looked the same. Another tear escaped before she whispered "Rose, my name is Rose."

John was confused by Rose's reaction, and troubled by his own. He wrote out the autograph automatically and handed it to her, too caught up in the unfamiliar emotions this mysterious woman evoked in him.

Store security had been alerted because of John's outburst and had finally made their way through the crowd to the front of the line. "I think it's time you moved on miss." A burly man said to Rose, "You've got your picture, and there's a long line here." To John he asked, "Has she been harassing you? Should we be calling the authorities?"

Before John could respond, Rose snapped back to herself and spoke up, "You're right, I should go." She turned quickly and nearly sprinted toward the exit.

"No! Wait!" John was calling for her, trying to follpw her, but the crowd swallowed her up just as effectively as it prevented him from leaving. "Martha!" He called for his agent. "Please go after her. Find her."

Martha appeared at his side and tried to calm him. "What's wrong? Did something happen with that woman?"

"No... Yes... No... I can't explain it. I need to find her. Can you find her? Bring her back to me?"

John was never like this. Even as the Doctor, Martha never saw this kind of desperation from him. "John, you need to calm down. There are a lot of people here and-"

"I DON'T CARE!" He shouted. "You don't understand!" He had his hands in his hair, pulling, and now pacing in the small space the crowd afforded him. Something inside him had woken up at the sight of Rose and now there was a throbbing, aching, need within him. He couldn't breathe, his vision was clouding. He felt like he was tearing in two.

Then the world went black.

x13x

Rose ran from the bookshop, but the further she got, the harder it was to keep going. She was breathless and aching, tears slipping from her eyes until finally she collapsed on a bench in a park. She tried to regulate her breathing to calm herself but was having a lot of difficulty. Suddenly the TARDIS was in her head, helping to soothe her, helping her catch her breath.

When she finally could, she looked up to realize that she wasn't far from the TARDIS. She wasn't sure how she had gotten there but was very glad this was where she ended up. Slowly she got to her feet and noticed that she had dropped the autograph the Doctor - no, John Smith had given her. Picking it up she was surprised.

The picture was definitely a good one. He was gorgeous and his smile showed that he knew it. He looked slim and tall, like he stepped out of a dream. None of that was very surprising. The part that was unusual was the signature, if you could call it that. The writing was a few geometrical shapes. Curved and beautifully penned, but definitely not anything resembling the name 'John Smith.'

Suddenly she heard the TARDIS 'calling' to her. She felt her unease acutely. Rose rushed over to her and entered, trying to figure out what had happened and why the TARDIS was so upset.

x13x


	6. The Fly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to apologize for continuing. This story won't leave me alone. My only hope is that there aren't that many people actually reading it. I have a little more of it outlined. Up to chapter 9 or 10. Not really close to an ending. I'm hoping it will leave me in peace so that I can just let it die the death it deserves. To those of you kind enough, or bored enough to keep reading, I promise I'm trying to not destroy the characters, I'm just a terrible writer.

Martha had tried to convince John to go to the hospital after he passed out but, of course, he refused. He did beg off the rest of the autograph session in favor of returning home to rest. Martha said she would be checking up on him later and that she had better find him at home, in bed (or on couch) or there would be hell to pay. She was, after all, a medical doctor (not that he remembered any of that), and he was, after all, human (for now), so she felt pretty secure that she would be able to take care him.

Right now though, Martha had to get to the bottom of the 'Rose Tyler' mystery, if that's who she really was. In order to begin, she had to make a trip to the TARDIS. There was no where else reasonable to start.

When she arrived, she found that the TARDIS was uneasy. She seemed to have recovered from the injuries she sustained when Rose Tyler (if that's really her name) appeared, but there was an anxiety within her, and Martha was all too willing to attribute that to the suspicious Blonde. She just hoped that Rose didn't have the same effect on the TARDIS as she did on her Time Lord.

"Oh, it's you."

Martha was startled by Rose's entrance into the console room. "You've got a lot of explaining to do." She looked at Rose and noticed her haggard appearance. She looked almost ill, and undoubtedly tired.

"I know, I'm sorry, I don't really know what happened." Rose made her way over to the console and slumped into the jump seat.

Martha advanced on her, ready to interrogate when the TARDIS hummed out a sound that seemed like a warning. At first Martha ignored it, but the closer she got to Rose, the louder the TARDIS got. She stopped in her tracks, "What's going on here?"

"It's okay," Rose said to the TARDIS, "She's trying to keep him safe. You can't be upset with her for that ." She turned her attention to Martha, "She's trying to protect me. She knows you're suspicious of me, and you have every right, but she's, well, she's defending me."

"How do I know you're telling the truth? There are things that chased us here trying to hurt the Doctor. How do I know you're not one of them? Especially after what happened in the bookstore today."

"I know, I'm sorry. I don't know why the watch reacted to me."

"The watch?"

"Yeah, I think it got hot, that's why he tossed it." A thought dawned on Rose, "Did something happen to it? Is it okay?" Rose was becoming frantic. She stood up from the jump seat and grabbed Martha by the arms. Her eyes appeared to glow golden. "Please tell me he's okay and that the Family wasn't in that shop and got to it!"

Martha was caught off guard and was getting even more nervous. What had she gotten herself into here? "He's... he's fine... passed out is all... went home... you're hurting me."

Rose came back to herself. "Oh! I'm so sorry." She let Martha go and sagged a bit, as if more than a little energy escaped her body. "What do you mean he passed out? What happened?"

Martha rubbed her arms where Rose had grabbed her, "When you left, he panicked, I guess. Asked me to go after you, to find you... bring you back. Then he passed out."

"Is he all right? Did you call the paramedics?"

"We did, he's fine. Woke up a few minutes later. The paramedics gave him some oxygen and he felt better. He went home. I'm going over to check on him later." Rose seemed to relax a bit at this, but she still looked uneasy. "I'm a doctor," Rose picked her head up and gave Martha a questioning look, "A medical doctor... a human medical doctor. I'll make sure he gets whatever care he needs while he's human."

Rose closed her eyes, "Thank you."

"Now, you need to start explaining. What did you do to him?" At Martha's question, the TARDIS shot sparks off the console, flashed the lights warningly and seemed to growl.

"It's all right," Rose said to the TARDIS, who seemed to back off a bit - she stopped sparking. "Martha, I don't know what happened. I just wanted to get a look at him. I knew, in my head, that he wouldn't recognize me, I guess I just wasn't prepared for it. I missed him so much you know? I guess my heart thought that there would be some glimmer of... I don't know... something." Rose sat back down, deflated. "I don't know why he passed out. I left the shop and dragged myself here, and very nearly passed out myself. I think the TARDIS helped me."

"How can you communicate with her? I thought you were human? Are you a Time Lord - Lady - Person?"

Rose snorted at that, "Me? No. I'm human-" The TARDIS blinked her lights again, causing Rose to pause, "The talking to the TARDIS thing is new. The last time I was on board wasn't like this. I mean I could always get impressions from her, but nothing like this. Don't get me wrong, it's not that clear. In fact, she understands me a billion times better than I understand her, but I know something is different. At first I thought it was with her, but, now it seems like there might be something different with me."

"You look like you're about to fall over." Martha wasn't sure when she started believing Rose was a friend, or even if it was wise to do so just yet, but the TARDIS seemed to snap at her when she doubted Rose, so, for the moment, Martha was willing to put her suspicions aside.

"I'm all right. I think i just need to lay down for a bit."

Suddenly the TARDIS started blaring alarms. Lights were flashing mauve, and Rose was overwhelmed with images. "Slow down, I don't understand you!" Rose shouted.

Martha was at her side quickly, "What's happened? What's going on?"

"I'm not sure," Rose had her eyes closed, trying to concentrate on the images the TARDIS was sending her. "She's going too fast, I can't keep up."

Martha went to the monitor to see if the TARDIS was projecting anything she could decipher. What she saw made her gasp, "It's the Family. I think they've found him."

"No," Rose said. "They didn't find him, I think they found me."

"What?"

"I think I understand." Rose began explaining. "It seems that whatever happened in the bookshop that made the watch glow alerted the Family. But instead of finding the Doctor, because he's hidden pretty well, they tracked me. From what I think the TARDIS is telling me, my life energy is attractive to them too, apparently I've been changed somehow." Rose opened her eyes to focus on Martha, "She's not exactly forthcoming on what changed me or how. I think I'm going to need your help."

"Me? What can I do? I'm barely keeping the Doctor hidden."

"Actually, that's exactly it."

"What is?"

Rose closed her eyes again, communicating with the TARDIS. "I think I have to hide too, just like the Doctor. I think I have to be rewritten."

"I can't look after you both. We're supposed to be leaving for Scotland soon. He's shooting a film on location."

"I think the TARDIS has worked that in. She knows what to do."

"How are you going to get there? We landed here, the Doctor hid the TARDIS, made all the preparations and then changed. She's even had her hands in the movie roles he's been asked to play."

"I think I'm going to have to move the TARDIS."

"You can do that?" Martha looked at Rose incredulously.

"Honestly, I'm not sure, but I think she can show me how." Rose went over to the console and stroked it, similar to the way the Doctor always did. "I have to try. If they find me, they'll find her and the Doctor eventually, we have to keep him safe."

Martha looked up and sighed, resigning herself to being yet another person's keeper. "All right, what do you need me to do?"

Rose paused a moment and listened to the TARDIS, "Just get him to Scotland. I'll meet you there. I think the TARDIS already has a plan in the works for me."

x13x


	7. The Sting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't realize anyone was intereseted in this story. After the previous chapter, I received a lot of reviews and encouragements. I just wanted to say THANK YOU for reaching out, it really made me feel wonderful. I don't deserve the attention, but I'm grateful just the same.
> 
> Also, and I should have mentioned this in first chapter, I don't have a Beta, so I'm sure this is riddled with mistakes.

"Hello?"

"No way Martha, not going to happen."

"John, you're supposed to be resting"

"I am resting Martha, I haven't left my couch, what I have been doing is reading."

Now the phone call made sense. Obviously John had received the script for Beauty and the Beast, and obviously he wasn't happy about being cast as Prince Adam. She thought about playing dumb for half a second before realizing it probably wouldn't work.

"Come on John, you can do this."

"Absolutely not. Never going to happen."

Now what? How in the world was she going to get him to Scotland? Now it wasn't just the Doctor that was hiding, it was Rose too, who had the TARDIS! She HAD to get him to agree to this. "So, you're telling me that you can't play this part."

"Not can't, won't. See the distinction?"

"So you can do this, you're choosing not to?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because."

"That's not an answer."

"Yes, it is."

Martha realized that she needed to approach this in a different way. The one thing that seemed leak out of John that was irrepressibly the Doctor was his ego about being good at everything, and proving that to any nay-sayers out there. "It's okay if you can't do it. Not everyone can be good at everything. We all have our... weaknesses."

"Martha..."

She could hear the warning in his voice, knowing that she was on the verge of winning she pressed on, "I'll just call them and say that you don't think you have the talent needed for this script."

"Martha, that's not what this is about. I'm deciding not to do this. I don't like the idea, I don't like the script, and besides, you agreed to this without speaking to me about it. I have a right to refuse."

Martha grinned into her phone, "Of course you do! No one is saying otherwise. I'll just tell the casting director that I was wrong..."

"You do that ."

"That you're not interested in the movie..."

"Exactly."

Now for the kill, "Because you don't know how to play the part of the prince."

"Ye-MARTHA! That's not what I said."

"It isn't?"

"No-"

"So you can play Prince Adam."

"Of course I can."

"Okay then, we leave the day after tomorrow for Scotland. We have a read through in three days, on location."

"I hate you."

"I know."

x13x

The read through went reasonably well, considering.

Now he was lying to himself.

Honestly, it wasn't so bad, except...

Well, except the parts that were just between him and Joan.

Joan Redfern was cast as Belle. She wasn't exactly new on the scene but wasn't nearly as popular as John Smith. She was attractive enough, made all the right faces, said the right things, he just felt... nothing.

He couldn't even pretend to feel anything. Some actor he was, couldn't act his way out of a paper bag if it was to convince someone he was capable of love, never mind the depth of emotion this script called for. He had to convince the audience that he loved someone enough to let them go, a selflessness that he never had occasion to even attempt to feel.

The director, Jamus Jessip, 'JJ,' as he was known in the industry, chalked it up to unfamiliarity, both with the script and between the actors. He was sure it would come eventually and even decided to leave the more emotionally charged bits to the end, giving everyone time to get comfortable and allow the team to get to the scenes that were more action and special effects intensive first. Also, there was quite a bit of makeup, especially for John, that would be time consuming to apply and maintain, and it would be easier to get as much of that as they could out of the way early.

There was a slight problem in that the production team was still trying to find the right makeup and prosthetics artists to create 'the beast" costume that John would spend a majority of the film in. They seemed to be narrowing down and getting closer but this was an integral part of the film. JJ knew of an artist that was new on the scene. She seemed to pop out of nowhere, but her work was very different. It intrigued him, she intrigued him. He had to have her.

Joan had offered to do more read throughs with John, hoping to help him get more comfortable. John turned her down, saying that he wanted to be more versed in the script before reading with anyone right now. In reality he was desperately trying to find some basis for the feelings he was supposed to express for Belle.

He was still annoyed at his agent, the silent treatment seemed decent enough punishment for her agreeing to this role in the first place, and now his assured failure was grating on him and making him standoffish and rude to Martha.

Martha seemed extremely preoccupied however. Something was distracting her from feeling the ire John was actively throwing her way. This bothered John even more. How was he supposed to feel vindicated when the object of his indignation wasn't paying attention?

Even more problematic was that Martha was his friend. His only friend certainly, here in Scotland, but even back home he didn't really have that many people he was close to. Martha was pretty much it. He wasn't lonely, he was just careful with who he allowed to get close to him, celebrity had its sacrifices.

Right now though, he needed a friend more than he wanted to continue to abuse Martha, it wasn't exactly giving him any satisfaction anyway. Besides, Martha's lack of focus on him was unusual and disconcerting, he needed to figure out what was more important than him.

x13x

He asked Martha to meet him in a bar near the house he had rented for his stay in Scotland. Houses were better than hotel rooms, but not much. They all seemed so cramped, too small to contain him. He liked cozy as much as the next person, but lately he'd been feeling claustrophobic, like he was stuffed inside something too tight.

John practically ran over to Martha when she walked through the door. "Martha! Hello! How have you been? Haven't seen you since we got here. What have you been up to?"

Martha was slightly taken aback by his exuberance, mostly because up until a few hours ago he was still throwing daggers at her, but also because she had been expecting for Rose and the TARDIS to cross their paths by now, but they hadn't and she was on edge. "Hello John, I'm-"

"Good, good, I'm good. Very good actually, except, well, not great, no, but good yeah."

John interrupted her as she barely got a greeting out. Now, things started to make sense. Something must be bothering him enough that he needed someone to talk to. Martha was starting to become really tired of the whole "Doctor's keeper" act, especially given the way he had been treating her lately, and even more so because now Rose took the TARDIS. Martha had no respite. Exasperated, and more than a little annoyed, Martha asked, "What's wrong John?"

John's shoulders slumped and a hand ran through his already unruly hair, "I don't think I can do this."

They made their way to a table in the rear of the establishment and sat. John ordered a pint, Martha just some water. "What can't you do?"

"The film. The script. The... the... the Beast.. Prince Adam." He stopped and put his head in his hands.

"John, it can't be that bad." Deciding to pad his ego, she continued, "You're a great actor, you can play anyone, anything. This is a piece of cake. You can do this."

He looked up at her, and for a moment, just a moment, the Doctor was there, shining through. The ancient timelessness of his eyes, hidden by the chameleon arch, seemed to break through the disguise and call to her. "I really can't."

"Doctor..." And just as suddenly, it was gone.

"What?"

Martha shook herself. "I was just... I mean... I was saying that the time you played that doctor, you were brilliant. That was a difficult part and you did it so well. You can-"

She was interrupted by the trilling of her mobile. John put his head back in his hands. "Hello? Yes, this is she... you have? I'll have to run it by him..." John looked up, Martha covered the speaker of the mobile, "They've hired the artist, they want you to meet the team tomorrow, around 10. That work?" John nodded, Martha went back to her phone call, "Yeah, we can do that... yes... fine... sure, give me about 20 minutes."

She ended the call and took John's hand. "I have to go now. Life of an agent and all... Listen... You are brilliant. I've seen you do great things. You will do this, you'll be fantastic." John thought she was trying to give him some confidence, but, in reality, Martha was talking to the Doctor.

x13x


	8. Singin' in the Rain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you for the reviews and encouragement. I apologize to those of you still with me for the delay, I really meant to get this chapter up last week but life got in the way.

Rose was excited to start this new project. Sure, it wasn't exactly what her dream was, but it definitely was a lot closer than shop girl.

Rose wanted to be an actress, on the legitimate stage. Not movies, not television, no, Rose wanted to be in theatre. The West End! Maybe Broadway - if she ever got up the nerve to travel. Oh! That would be a dream. Her name on the marque, in lights.

It wasn't meant to be. She had fallen in "love" with an actor who not only broke her heart, but crushed her dreams. The heart had healed, but the dreams were shattered. He had spread malicious rumors about her being difficult to work with and because of his demands on her, unreliable. Her reputation had been in tatters, and no one wanted to take another chance on her.

So she worked in a shop while trying to figure herself out. Wiser in both age and experience, she swore off ever having a relationship with an actor again (she was convinced that they could never be trusted, they basically lie for a living!), she decided to forgo her stage name (it was his idea anyway, he said that 'Rose Tyler' was too boring to be in big letters) and re-brand herself with a new dream and a new outlook, and now she just landed the biggest project in Britain!

She may have embellished a bit on her resume, may have intimated that she had a 'team' of people with her, may have suggested that she had been in the business a trifle longer than was actually true, but regardless, they had gushed over her sketches and the model she sent, and now she had the job. Yes, Rose Tyler was now the makeup and prosthetics artist for the Beast!

To make it even more juicy, it was rumored that John Smith, yes, THE John Smith was going to be in it. Rose had seen ALL of his movies, even the early, little known parts, even the audition tapes. She was a bit of fan girl. So, of course, she knew that he never chose the romantic lead. Rose was slightly disappointed that she wouldn't be working directly with him, figuring he'd probably be playing Gaston, but maybe she could snag his autograph somehow. Maybe he'd need some costume work (he was a bit skinny and Gaston was usually described as larger), or maybe whoever was playing the Prince could help her out. She wouldn't push, of course, but there were possibilities.

x13x

She had dressed with care this morning, knowing that she had to really play the part of an experienced artist. She wore all black and had darkened her blonde hair a few days before, but kept one light strip of it in, to allude to creativity and nonconformity. She thought, perhaps, to dye this piece blue or green but then figured it would detract from the more mature look she was going for. Finishing her look with a key (her good luck charm) on a chain she wore as a necklace, she hoped this 'costume' would be enough to let her get started. Once they saw what she was capable of, she could come into work in a potato sack and it wouldn't matter.

She made her way to the hotel her introduction was set to be held, carrying her portfolio and some supplies she would need to measure for the prosthetic she had to make of the Beast's upper body. Her hands were full and it wasn't very easy for her to move around. There seemed to be a swarm of people gathering as she got closer to the hotel.

Out of nowhere, a man wearing a ball cap, glasses, and very noticeably fake moustache ran into her, knocking everything out of her ands, scattering her papers and supplies, but more importantly, he pushed her into a railing that had just been painted, bright white. She now had stripes on her black clothing.

"Hey!" She yelled while she tried to collect herself, but the man didn't even look back, he'd barely paused when he hit into her. "Wanker." She muttered to herself and started picking up her things, trying to figure out what on earth she was going to do about her ruined clothing. There wasn't enough time to go back and change, and as much as she thought she could chalk the pattern up to an artist's eccentricities, it really couldn't be helped.

Huffing out her further annoyance with the runner's rudeness, she continued the walk into the hotel, and prepared to explain her painted state. She gave her name to the desk and was lead to one of the hotel ballrooms that was serving as their meeting space. She settled herself and waited. A few minutes passed before the door opened. Rose could not believe her eyes.

"You're ridiculous John, you know that." Martha spoke as she entered the ballroom, followed closely by John Smith, still wearing his ludicrous disguise of hat, glasses and fake moustache.

"It worked! No one recognized me!"

"You! You!" Rose stammered, "I'm calling security!" She jumped up and started toward the door. As Rose got closer she started to realize that she recognized John, but couldn't place him. Knowing that he was wearing a disguise to hide a well known face led her to jump to a, rather unfortunate, conclusion. "You're a criminal!" She exclaimed to his confused face.

"Excuse me?" He replied, confused.

"I know I've seen your face! Must have been on one of those cop shows! And you were running, probably from the police when you knocked me over. Didn't even stop to see if I was all right. SECURITY! There's a murderer in here!"

"Calm down!" John tried, but Rose was already too excited and upset with him for that to matter.

"What did you do now?" Martha asked John.

"Me? I didn't do anything, she's the nutter!"

"John! I'm sure that's not-" Martha stopped mid sentence, because she finally looked at Rose and realized who she was. "Rose!"

Now Rose was wary. "How do you know me? Is this a set up? Am I the victim of some kind of con you and him were running? Me? Some poor unsuspecting makeup artist!"

Just then hotel security came barreling into the room. "What's going on here?"

Before John or Rose could speak, Martha took charge, "Nothing, everything is fine. Just a misunderstanding." Seeing the disbelieving look on the officer's face and knowing that Rose and John were seconds away from outbursts of their own, she continued, "John here just got this meeting confused. He was supposed to meet his makeup artist, not try to give the makeup artist ideas, bad ones at that!"

"John?" Rose asked, looking at the man in the moustache.

He peeled it away wincing, removed his cap and glasses, ruffled his hair and smiled smugly, "Smith, John Smith."

Martha hit him in the stomach.

"Ugh! what did you do that for?"

"Because you're a prat." Martha turned to shake Rose's hand. "I'm Martha Jones, his agent."

"Rose Tyler, but I get the feeling you already knew that."

Martha did know Rose, but not for the reasons Rose thought, of course. Rose looked decidedly different from the last time Martha saw her, the darker hair, the different style of clothing, all made Rose a little less recognizable. This was probably a good thing, given the reaction the Doctor had to her in the book shop. That would have been very hard to explain. So Martha just played it off as though the casting directors forwarded her information before the meeting, which, they probably should have, and if she was actually an agent, and not just pretending to be one, she would have thought to ask for.

"Nice to meet you Rose, and I apologize for our lateness... and for whatever John did to upset you."

"Oi! I didn't do anything! I just met her, same as you!" John interrupted.

Rose turned to him, her eyes blazing, "You ran into me outside, knocked everything I was carrying out of my hands. I fell over and into a railing that had fresh white paint on it! I'm wearing all black! Hell of a bloody first impression! Did you even stop? NO! Just ran by as if I were an inconveniently placed speed bump!" Rose was really riling herself up, never giving thought to who she was yelling at, until it occurred to her that she was actually scolding THE John Smith. It seemed that autograph was out of the question now. "What are you doing here?

John looked at her as if she was a bit off and mumbled "I think she might have hit her head pretty hard," to Martha.

Embarrassment flushed her, but it served to cool off her annoyance, Rose again turned to Martha, "I'm sorry for that outburst, I have this nasty habit of not thinking before I speak." She swallowed and continued, "You aren't by chance here about the Beast costume?"

"Actually we are." Martha responded, shooting John a look that said 'keep quiet, you've done enough damage.' She walked to a large table in the center of the room, "Shall we sit and discuss the particulars? I know you'll be needing to take some measurements."

It was then really dawning on Rose that John Smith was in fact going to play the Beast. That was really surprising. He NEVER took this type of role, it was totally out of his normal range. She looked over to John, "You're playing the Beast?"

John, affronted, responded, "What's that supposed to mean? Do you even know who I am?"

"Actually, no, should I?" This wasn't the truth, Rose knew him so well she could probably draw his face with her eyes closed, but she wasn't about to let him know that. Forget it. Every actor was vain, and as soon as she gave into his vanity he'd think he could walk all over her. Well, she was DONE with people walking on her. Just because he was John Smith and gorgeous and talented and tall and gorgeous, wait, she said that already. Right, just because she might have a slightly huge crush on him, and was going to be spending an extraordinary amount of time very close to him, this costume was intricate after all, didn't mean that he could... wait, what couldn't he do?

"Martha," John whined, "She doesn't even know who I am, how could she possibly be the right person for this? I have enough to worry about, can't we find someone who knows what they're doing?"

"That's it!" Rose yelled, "I'm done. You are so not worth my time! And just so you know, just for your information, I'm FANTASTIC." And she stormed out.

x13x


	9. A Crush on You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually had some extra time this week, and being that I was late posting last week's chapter, I decided to post another this week. It's not a great chapter but it moves the story along. Also, I've gone back and done some cleanup of the whole story. I tried to fix the misspellings and some of the grammar, although I'm CLEARLY not an English major, in fact I went into engineering because it wasn't writing intensive. Math makes sense to me, language does not!

"You handled that brilliantly."

"Me? She was being impossible." John glared at Martha.

"She's the best out there you know." Martha was realizing what the TARDIS did with Rose was really a brilliant idea. They would be together for hours at a time during the shooting of the film, well, that is, they would have been, if the he didn't upset her. She had no doubt in her mind that the Doctor - John knocked her over outside and didn't even stop to see if she was all right. He was totally distracted by his issues with the part of the Beast and so afraid to fail at this that he just lived in his own head with his own insecurities, not even picking his head up long enough to notice anyone else around him.

"The best?" John was feeling embarrassed, reality was finally setting in on him, he was coming to terms with the fact that he really had been quite rude. "Do you think she was really that good?"

Ignoring the question for the moment, Martha asked, "What's gotten into you lately? And what was this morning about? A disguise? Was that really necessary?"

"I just wanted to be left alone. It's been very stressful." He paused briefly, took a deep breath and then exhaled looking up, "I didn't mean to upset her. It's just that, I don't know, I felt compelled to be here, had a funny feeling in my stomach about getting here and making sure it went well. I don't know where it came from, but now I feel kind of awful."

At that point the ballroom door opened again. Slowly, and tentatively, Rose re-entered the room. She was blushing and looking everywhere but at Martha and John. "I... I... left... my sketches."

"I'm sorry." John rushed over to her, "I'm so sorry." He took her hand to lead her back over to the table that her sketches sat on. At the contact, Rose felt something like a static shock which caused her to jump slightly.

At her start, John looked down at his hand clasping hers, "Oh, sorry, must be from the rug." He made no gesture to let her hand go, in fact he clamped his hand tighter. "Martha and I were just going after you. I'm sorry I was so rude. Rude and not-"

"Ginger." Rose said with him.

"What?" They said together, looking each other over.

"Do I know you from somewhere?" John asked Rose.

Rose blushed again, "I don't think so. I'm sure I would have remembered meeting you before."

"Glad you're back Rose," Martha began.

John couldn't help himself. "Oh! Are you a fan of mine?" He smiled at her, hoping she'd realize his tone was meant to make her smile, and not bourne out of ego.

She smiled back, tongue poking through her teeth, "Who me? No. I've never even heard your name before."

"John, she probably needs to measure you." Martha tried again, "We should-"

John stepped closer to Rose, his hand still holding hers. "Are you sure? I'm pretty well known."

"We should probably take a look at those sketches." Martha interjected. She was definitely getting annoyed. These two went from throwing daggers to mooning at each other in seconds. As soon as Rose came back into the room, she no longer existed to John. She began to wonder if this was foreshadowing what would happen with the Doctor. It already happened, even while Rose was gone. If her name was mentioned or she crossed the Doctor's mind, Martha disappeared. "JOHN!" Martha called out loudly, breaking him away from Rose.

John's head snapped toward Martha. He was more than a little irritated with Martha's interruption. "Martha, that wasn't very polite. Rose and I are trying to get to know each other better. We'll be working pretty closely together, we need to be comfortable. He turned back to Rose, "She's going to need to know almost every inch of my body."

It dawned on John that he was flirting. Actually, legitimately, purposefully flirting. And he was enjoying it, and, maybe more importantly, he didn't lock up, get nervous, or feel sick. He felt good, really good. And Rose was smiling at him, and he was still holding her hand. He might even be good at it!

Martha muttered something under her breath. Rose, seeing her exasperation, shook herself and remembered that she actually had a job to do. And, that John Smith was an actor, and probably just toying with her to get her to forget about his earlier behavior, and that she shouldn't be charmed by him, even if he was slim and a little bit foxy. 

"We better discuss our expectations. This costume is sophisticated and involved. It will take a lot of time to make and also quite a bit of time to put on." Rose started to move to take a seat, only to find that she was being held back by the hand that John was still holding. She found that she really didn't want to let him go, but recognized the impracticality of holding his hand through their meeting, not to mention it being totally unprofessional. She looked down at their hands as if she were trying to figure out how to let go, like her brain was telling her hand what to do, it just wasn't listening.

Martha, seeing their 'dilemma' walked between them, rolling her eyes and broke their contact. She moved to the table. "The director is very impressed with your take on the Beast. The cast is reading through the script now. They don't plan to start shooting for another week or so, they're still deciding where to shoot some scenes. They can shoot the scenes that rely heavily on the costume a bit later, but not much. Is that enough time?"

"That's going to depend on the size. Can I measure you now Mr. Smith?"

Being called Mr. Smith by Rose didn't feel right. It felt like she was talking to someone else. He didn't like it. "Please don't call me that. I'm the Doc-" he paused. He was about to say 'the Doctor.' What would possess him to ask her to call him that ridiculous nickname he got from his last role? "I mean, call me John, please. Mr. Smith feels like my dad." She smiled at him again, he felt it right through his body. A shiver that went from the top of his head to the tips of his toes.

"All right then John, Can I measure you now? Or would you rather do that some other time?"

"Now's good."

 

x13x

 

By the time Rose finished up it was well after noon. John and Martha, well John, had asked her to accompany them to lunch but she declined. She had a lot of work to start and she was excited to begin the project. There was also the voice in the back of her head telling her not to allow herself to get too close to either Martha or John, especially not John. The little crush she harbored for him could all too easily develop into something more. Something entirely one sided, and he would take advantage of her. She wasn't a kid anymore, school girl puppy love should have died away years ago.

Rose also noticed a tension in Martha. She hovered over John in a way that seemed both protective and territorial. She wondered if there was something between them. If there were, she felt sorry for Martha. After all, actors couldn't be trusted.

John had pouted so profoundly when Rose declined his lunch invitation that she found herself agreeing to sit in on one of the read throughs the cast would have the following week. She couldn't help her curiosity about the script and the rest of the players, but she justified the activity as needing to match the dialogue with her costume artistry. She wouldn't stay for the whole reading, just some of the 'Beast heavy' parts. Maybe she'd get up the guts in the mean time to ask John for that autograph, or the good sense to give her 'one woman fan club' up entirely.

 

x13x


	10. Mirror Mirror

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the delay! Things got really crazy out in real life. I'm not so sure about this chapter, or where this story is going. I'm hoping it's not too disappointing. If anyone's still interested, let me know what you think.

John was nervous. It seemed to be a constant state for him lately. Nervous and distracted, which led to being more nervous. To this point all of the read throughs had been scenes where he acted "the monster" and it was going well. The director's staff was impressed, thoroughly assured that they'd selected the right leading man. But today it was all going to come crashing down. Today marked the beginning of the Beast's softening toward Belle. John was terrified.

To make matters worse, John was totally preoccupied with his costume designer, who he hadn't seen since the previous week. He coudn't get her out of his mind and he didn't understand why that could possibly be. At first he chalked it up to feeling a bit guilty about being to rude to her on the morning of their meeting, but that excuse was starting to sound tired, even to his own ears.

She had promised to come to a rehearsal but hadn't shown yet. Every day he'd be all anticipation, and every day he was disappointed. Today was different. He almost didn't want her to appear. Today was the day John Smith had to play the part of the lover, and he just knew he wasn't going to be able to do it. He definitely didn't want an even larger audience witnessing his failures, especially an audience that contained Rose. He was starting to understand that the girl was... important. That might not have been all that he was feeling toward her, but it was the closest adjective he was comfortable with at the moment.

He hadn't gotten nearly enough sleep last night. Actually he'd been rather sleepless for a while. He was being haunted by dreams. Some were terrible nightmares, some were... really, really good dreams. Dreams that embarrassed him when he woke but dreams that he shamefully looked forward to returning to but found himself too wound up to rest. All of these fantasies, good or bad, had the same thing in common, they all had Rose as his co-star.

So, nervous, distracted, and sleep deprived (and maybe even a bit depraved), John made his way to his rehearsal.

x13x

 

Rose was working diligently on the costume. It was really coming together nicely. Soon she'd need John to wear the whole thing at once and do a scene so that she could be sure that it moved well and didn't restrict him or distract from the dialogue. Costumes were important, of course, but the dialogue and the actors are what make a production successful.

She was busy. Very busy. Too busy to say, take a day to attend a rehearsal. Yes, she was definitely too busy. But even though she was too busy to actually go, she apparently wasn't too busy to THINK about going. To obsess about going even. To stare at her closet trying to figure out what exactly to wear, were she not too busy to actually go.

It was another day that she was too busy to attend a rehearsal that she found herself staring down at the costume she was working on and ruminating, as she had much too frequently, about the man that was supposed to wear it.

"Rose, get a grip on yourself," she said to the empty room. She huffed out a deep breath, and dropped her hands to her lap. "This is insane." She stood up and went to look at herself in the mirror, thinking she'd give herself a stern lecture about her childish behavior and then get back to work. "You're a grown woman with a crush. It's just a little crush, no big deal."

Her reflection seemed to mock her a bit. The woman in the mirror seemed to say 'Yeah right! Some little crush that has had to so distracted you might need a blood transfusion for all the times you've stuck yourself with your sewing needles. Just a little crush that's had you waking up frustrated and breathing hard form the dreams you've been having. Just some-'

"All right!" She interrupted herself, odd that, "It's a big crush. A big, fat, gooey, knee buckling, knicker soaking, crush." Disgusted with her self she turned away from the mirror. "Nothing can come from it! He's an actor, which is just another word for LIAR!" Coming to a sort of resolution, Rose looked back at the mirror. "Here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna go there today and get him out of our system."

She wasn't sure, but she thought she saw her reflection wink at her.

 

x13x

 

John was in the bathroom splashing his face with water and giving his reflection a pep talk. "You can do this." It felt like a lie though, as did most of his actions today. Acting had always felt real to him. He suffered with his characters, succeeded with them and agonized over their defeats. But this, today, these scenes, he couldn't get them to be true, not for him. "You're going to get back out there and make them all fall in love with the way you fall in love." He stared himself in the eyes, trying to make it stick. After another few seconds he let out a huff and went back to rejoin the cast.

Looking mostly at his feet as he approached the door, he didn't notice the woman in front of him until he knocked into her. He was quick enough to grab her before she fell, but she was knocked off balance and ended up in his arms. Then the strangest thing happened, he got light headed and a bit dizzy. Reflexively, he held her tighter to him, close enough to bury his nose in her hair and really breathe her in.

She whimpered.

So did he.

"I'm sorry," he said into her hair, then, pulling back a bit to look into her face, he continued, "I have to pay mo-" and then he stopped and stared at her, because it was Rose, and she was in his arms, and he had to remind himself to keep breathing.

The broken sentence pulled Rose into realizing her surroundings, with a blush she said, "Well, your manners have improved, but we've got to stop running into each other this way."

John smiled back at her, "I'm learning." His gaze drifted to her mouth, which was turned up to him in a smile that showed just a hint of her tongue. She hadn't moved out of his arms yet, hadn't even made an attempt to put any distance between them, and John was certainly not going to be the one to instigate that. As far as he was concerned she fit there and that's where she should stay.

 

x13x

 

Martha had been worried about John. He left the room obviously distressed about his performance. It wasn't all that bad, but it definitely wasn't what was expected of the great John Smith. It occurred to her that , knowing John, he might just quit the production entirely if he didn't think he could carry off the part. Then where would they be? The Family was still out there, she didn't know where the TARDIS was, and she had Rose to worry about, who hadn't made any contact in the last week. She was frazzled, homesick, she hated being an agent, and she missed the Doctor

She looked at John sometimes and thought she saw the Doctor coming through, thought she saw some of that ancient eternity in his eyes. And then he would blink and it would disappear.

The Doctor would know what to do. He'd make up some ridiculous scheme, probably whip out his sonic and make the villains turn into cotton candy or something. She laughed a bit at that which shook her out of her reverie. John had been gone for a while, she should probably go see if he was all right. Maybe she'd stroke his ego a bit more, and give him a hug. 

The door to the rehearsal room opened and Martha came out looking worried, and then her temper flared. She had sent herself to find him after he practically ran from the room only to find him in some woman's arms. John was leaning down toward her, looking like he might try to kiss her. The woman didn't look like she'd mind. Typical Doctor! Always flirting. She really thought she was getting a reprieve from this because John didn't seem to be inclined in that direction. He'd had ample opportunities, just didn't partake. Was probably just a matter of time. Martha was once again on the back burner.

Groaning inwardly, she let the door slam behind her which effectively broke their mood. They jumped apart a little, but not enough, she noticed regretfully, for John to let the woman go. Martha called out to claim his attention, "John, you should really get back in there."

The woman turned and Martha saw that it was Rose. For some reason, this only made Martha feel worse.

x13x  



	11. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay but me and this chapter had words... and of course, there's real life and the holidays... anyway, I hope it's not too terrible...

Rose pulled away from John and turned toward Martha. "It's Martha right?" She was clearly embarrassed, her face red.

Martha nodded and started to step toward them, trying to get herself between John and Rose. She grabbed John's arm and gently started to pull him back into the rehearsal. "JJ wants to start again, he wants to get through the next few scenes before we break for lunch."

John stepped around Martha and took Rose's hand, using his thumb to stroke her palm. "Were you coming to the rehearsal?" When she hesitated, he tried out his best 'lost puppy' look, (he hadn't used that since he was a child, he really hoped it would work) and said "You promised you'd come. You wouldn't want word to get out that you don't keep your promises, would you?"

Rose got caught up in his eyes, in his focus on her, on his fingers holding her hand and stroking. If she could get her brain to coordinate with her mouth she'd probably tell him anything he wanted to hear.

"Oh for God's sake!" Martha mumbled as she busted between them, effectively breaking their hands apart. She grabbed John by his shirt and brought his head down to a level that let her look him in the eyes, "You... are... working..." she said slowly, with emphasis, looking into each of his eyes, back and forth, waiting for him to follow her, "JJ, your director, wants you back in there to finish. Let's go!" With that, she pushed him back up to his full height and stomped off, back into the rehearsal room. If he didn't follow, she was done.

"I, uh..." John gulped and watched Martha's retreating form, then shoved his hands in his hair, "I better get back in there." He pointed with his thumb in the direction Martha just walked but he didn't make a move to follow.

"Yeah." Rose replied.

John slumped a bit, taking this as another rejection from her. First no lunch, then no rehearsal. She probably only agreed that day to get away from him. "Right then." He turned and started moving away.

Seeing him move startled her out of whatever paralysis had a hold on her. Taking a few quick steps (his long legs covered a lot of ground, even when moving slowly), she caught up to him and grabbed his hand, stopping him. "Yeah, I'm coming to the rehearsal."

He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. "Right then, Allons-y!"

x13x 

 

Rose had sat toward the back of the room when the rehearsal resumed, opposite him, and behind Joan. They started with the dinner scene, just the dialogue for now, later they would include the after dinner waltz. This scene was, in John's opinion, the first time that the Beast started to realize that he cares for Belle.

John took a breath and began getting into character. Belle was supposed to enter the room while the Beast watched from a darkened corner.

Joan stood and 'entered' the scene "Adam? Are you here?" Joan, as Belle, asked.

"I... yes, Belle, I'm here." John, as Adam, the Beast, walked toward her. As he approached, his eyes strayed behind Belle to Rose, who had a small smile on her face. His breath caught. "You're beauti- I mean, you look beautiful."

Rose flushed. John gave a small smile.

Belle looked down, "Thank you, you look beautiful too."

This startled John a bit, reminding him that he should be concentrating on his lines, and not on Rose. Embarrassed, he continued, "Should we eat?"

They moved toward two chairs set in the middle of the room. John was focusing so hard on trying to not focus on Rose that he tripped over his chair. He smiled sheepishly.

"Nice touch, John," JJ whispered. "Let's make a note of that."

John let out a deep breath as he sat down. He went through his lines, talking about the Beast's childhood, listening to Belle talk about her life with her father, how she didn't fit in. At some point during the exchange John noticed that he could still see Rose behind Belle. He stopped thinking about his lines, saying them from memory, to Rose more than anyone else in the room. Telling her the Beast's story, his story.

His lines were flowing, everything became easy. He became the tortured Beast, clinging to the light this... this girl... brought into his darkness. Feeling like he she could release him from this burden, from this ugliness he had become, and knowing that he didn't deserve it.

Belle stood and took his hand. "Dance with me?"

John pulled his hand away, quickly recoiling from her. The touch felt wrong, and he started to panic, the same old stiffness and anxiety returned to his features. Joan looked at him, puzzled.

"Nice job Joan, John. Let's stop there for now." JJ interjected, and started to clap. He came over to Joan and John, and puts his arms around them. "I knew we'd get there, just needed everyone to get more comfortable. I think we'll be able to start shooting this next week!" He spun around, releasing them and continued, "All right, one hour for lunch, then I want to run the Gaston scene at the pub!"

John relaxed, feeling saved by JJ's call to stop there. He looked around the room, saw some of the cast looking glassy eyed, like tears were starting to form. He wondered if that was because of him. His eyes found Rose again and she smiled at him, full blown with a bit of tongue. It drew him in like a magnet.

Martha intercepted him on his way to Rose, "Really nice job John. You had everyone hanging on your every word, every expression."

John kept moving, "Thanks Martha, it felt good. I've gotta go uhm.... find Rose." 

Martha's face hardened, "Find her for what?"

He panicked for a second before inspiration hit, "I'm worried about the costume. Yeah! The costume, for the waltz scene. I haven't even tried it on yet, and I have to practice waltzing in it. I need to find her and figure out when I can start working in it."

He caught up with Rose because of the bottleneck to get out of the room and the promise of food on the other side of the door. He pulled her off of the 'line' to leave, grabbing her hand again and asked, "Want to have lunch?"

Rose blushed, feeling like this was a permanent state for her when around John, "Uhhh, I was just going to go." Seeing his face drop she recanted, "I mean I thought this was just for the cast and crew."

"Oh, it is, but you're the costume designer, I think you count as 'crew.' But I didn't mean here." He paused, and decided to go for it. "I'm basically finished for the day, you heard they want to run Gaston's scene after lunch, so, I thought maybe you'd like to go grab something. Like, I dunno, maybe chips?"

The smile she gave him said it all. They waited for a path to clear and John said "Run!"

They took off out of the building, garnering stares from those they passed, some no doubt thinking they recognized John as they ran by. Rose was laughing the whole time and was very out of breath when it finally occurred to John to stop and look around for a chippy.

x13x


	12. The Ugly Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really wanted to get this chapter out before the New Year, and for once, I managed to do what I wanted! Hope it's good. Thanks for all the support of this fic, if it wasn't for you guys, it would have died. There's still a ways to go, and it's a battle to get up the guts to continue to post, but I am determined to finish. I hate it when I'm reading WIPs and they die, I don't want to do that to anyone who might be interested in this thing.
> 
> Anyway, Merry 'Whatever it is You Celebrate' and a Happy 2015 to all!

After finishing lunch Rose was feeling slightly giddy and more than a little overwhelmed. John was so full of enthusiasm, so intense, and even through they mostly laughed and talked about nonsense, she had been the focus of all of John's attention. It was flattering and unnerving. Was he so intense all the time? She wondered how could anyone live everyday with that kind of passion.

What was even more disconcerting was the almost irresistible urge to... touch him. They had held hands practically the entire time they were together but Rose wanted... well, more... a lot more. This was entirely ridiculous though. She had sworn off actors and acting for a reason. When Rose had tried to go into acting, she struggled because she felt too much. She lived the parts and had difficulty separating fiction from life. That was how she got tangled up with Jimmy Stone. He played Lysander to her Hermia in a very tiny production of Shakespeare's 'A Midsummer Night's Dream' and she fell arse over tea kettle in love with him. She thought he had loved her too, but after crushing her dreams, taking advantage of her, cheating on her, and ruining her personal and professional reputations, she realized the error of her ways. 

From that point on she relegated all actors to the "hands off" category of the population, because they were just too good at getting people to believe that their emotions were real. She decided to give up on acting because she couldn't tell the difference.

Now with John testing her resolve, she needed to get away from him to get her perspective back, so once she finished her lunch she told him that she had to go work on the costume, and that opened up a whole other can of worms.

John wanted to begin rehearsing in it, which, of course, was reasonable, except for the fact that Rose had to actually put it on him. Which meant touching him... with her hands... a lot... and he'd be mostly naked at the time...

She couldn't exactly admit that this was going to be a problem so she agreed, of course, to bring the costume the next day so they could begin fitting it and he could start getting comfortable with it, and Rose could start to figure out how she was going to control herself while she dressed him and applied his makeup.

That first day with the costume was a bit awkward. It was going to take hours each day to get John into costume and Rose was going to be in close quarters with him throughout his time wearing it. It would need altering and adjusting depending on the scene, in a number of areas. Rose was practicing being detached, and mainly succeeded except for her constant blushing. Maybe she could pass it off as a sunburn?

She decided that she needed something to help distract herself from what she was doing. The best should could come up with was to offer to practice lines with John. It would almost be like giving in to a guilty pleasure because of her broken dream of being an actress. She did have some experience in the area, and at least if she was reading lines she wouldn't have to be responsible for what was coming out of her mouth (and there was less of a chance for her to use her mouth for things that she really should not be thinking about doing to him ).

Rose got a copy of the script and actually started memorizing it, as she couldn't read it and apply makeup at the same time. It was becoming a ritual for them. After rehearsals ended they would decide which scenes to run the next morning during the hours Rose needed to get him into costume and makeup. It was getting to the point that Rose knew the script better than he did.

This arrangement had the added benefit of helping John to get past his issues with the script. In fact, he was performing really well. His stiffness was almost entirely forgotten and he was comfortable.

Every once in a while he'd run into a bought of nerves. To combat it, he would put try to put himself back in the same mind set he'd used in the mornings running the scenes with Rose. Thinking back soothed him and he'd recover. It always helped that Rose was never far away, and he'd caught her mouthing the lines more than once as the rest of the cast rehearsed them.

 

x13x

 

John and Rose had been spending a lot of time together. This made Martha's job as 'keeper' easier to accomplish but grated on her. It seemed like he was always with Rose, and on the rare occasions he wasn't with her, he was talking about her, or worse, mooning over her. Martha was going spare.

The Doctor didn't do these things. He didn't do domestics. It was however, becoming clear to Martha that if he and Rose didn't stop this... this... this THING that was between them, there was a really good chance that John and Rose would be getting domestic pretty soon, and that would leave the Doctor in a sticky situation once he was allowed to 'wake up.'

That was the reason she decided to try talking to John about it. To try to warn him that Rose might be getting too close to him and that, given his past experiences with women falling all over themselves for him and getting hurt, he might want to nip this thing with Rose in the bud. Her intentions were obviously noble. She was trying to save them both some hard feelings.

Getting some time alone with John wasn't an easy feat, and even when she had time with him he was focused on other things. His explanation was concentrating on the script and how he would get getting into character. Martha was convinced that it had more to do with the person getting him into his costume.

Finally Martha had an opportunity. They were running the fight scene between the Beast and Gaston when John's costume ripped. Rose had to take it back to her shop to repair it. At first John had volunteered to go with her but Martha reminded him that he had a dance lesson in an hour and would need to stay.

Rose smiled at him and teased him about the dance lesson and said she wished she would have been able to see it. John laughed back and said he'd see her tomorrow and reminded her which scene they would start with and she left.

John immediately started pouting. "Can't we reschedule the dance lesson?"

"John, we need to talk." Martha said as she pulled him into another room.

"We do?" John was confused. Martha's tone indicated that there was something wrong, like she was disappointed in something. John thought things were going great. The rehearsals were coming along swimmingly, he seemed to break his 'prince charming' curse, and overall, he had never felt better in his life. In fact, the only thing bothering him right now, besides the impending dance lesson, was that Martha seemed upset.

x13x


	13. Dances with Wolves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.

"You're leading her on," Martha had been trying to explain the situation to John for the last half hour. He just didn't seem to get it.

"You keep saying that but I don't see how." At first John was confused about why Martha was upset, now he was becoming defensive. "Not that it's any of your business, but Rose and I are just friends."

"It's my business when it affects keeping you safe!"

"Safe? That's preposterous-"

"Your career safe," Martha interrupted, thinking quickly. "I'm your agent and I don't think cavorting with the woman who does your makeup is a particularly stellar move."

The fabled 'Oncoming Storm' started to thunder behind John's eyes, and Martha was beginning to realize that she hadn't approached this the right way. "I am not cavorting." This time it was the Doctor speaking, his voice was low and menacing. "Rose is important and I will not further justify our relationship. It has nothing to do with my career and therefore absolutely nothing to do with you." He turned to leave.

"John wait," He stopped, but didn't face her. "I'm sorry," Martha continued, "I'm just worried about you. You're acting differently. You never get involved with anyone and you have been spending a lot of time with Rose. We have a big production here and if one or both of you gets hurt, the film will suffer. I just want to make sure you've got your eyes open."

John's shoulders sagged and he turned back to Martha, the storm had cleared from his eyes, "Look Martha, I don't know what's going to happen. All I do know is that I like Rose, and she's been helping me with this script. You know even better than I do that this character is not exactly my forte, but somehow reading through with Rose is helping me do this." His eyes pleaded with her to understand.

"Just be careful, she's young and obviously more than a little star struck."

"You think so?" For some reason this made John's heart beat a little faster.

"You really are blind." Martha snorted at him, "Come on, we've been here for a while, your dance teacher is probably waiting for you."

"Ugh... I forgot about that. Do I have to do this?"

 

x13x

 

The dance class wasn't as bad as he thought it was going to be... It was worse.

He couldn't seem to get his timing right. He was clumsy and stiff, he was tripping over his feet and stepping on his partner's. The next lesson was in two days. He'd have to dance with Joan and right now he was totally unprepared for it. He wished he could find the humor in this. If Rose were with him she'd probably make fun of him and they'd both laugh. Then he'd relax and feel better, probably even do better.

He liked Rose. She was fun and undemanding. She seemed to understand him and accept him as he was. He didn't have to be this great actor around her, he could just be himself. He started to feel like she was his best friend, except for the decidedly 'unfriendly' thoughts that invaded his mind at every opportunity.

Suddenly Martha's warning began to make sense.

He didn't do this. He didn't get involved. Sure he had a few friends, but they were kept at a distance, even Martha only got so close. Rose was closer to him than anyone, ever, and that thought was starting to scare him. What if he hurt her? What if she wanted more that he was capable of giving? Martha said she was star struck, how long before that turned into puppy love? He didn't do love, on screen or off. He'd have to say something to her to make sure she wasn't looking for more than his friendship. She had to understand that there was something wrong with him, he wasn't capable of love and she was far too special to be wasting herself on him.

He should send her away. He still needed her for the costume, but it was taking far less time now to get him kitted out. They spent a lot more time together going over lines than doing costumes and makeup. She also stayed through his rehearsals because he asked her to, that wasn't necessary. No, she needed time away from him. She was a brilliant designer and should be off finding other jobs. Photos had been leaked of the beast costume and the response was astounding. She told him that there were other offers rolling in but she didn't have the time to pursue them. She said it was because of her commitment to this project. But what if was because of him? He was holding her back, taking up all of her time. He couldn't keep doing this to her. Tomorrow, when she met him with his costume, he'd tell her. Just what he was going to say he didn't know.

 

x13x

 

"I knew this was going to happen," Rose said to her empty flat. "They're all the SAME! And I'm always falling for it.

This wasn't exactly true this time. Rose knew she had a weakness for John. Somehow he got through her protective armour. He wasn't even trying. She just spent so much time with him, got to know him, well, she thought she got to know him. She thought he was her friend, that he liked being with her. Apparently she'd gotten that wrong.

Earlier that day, they had met before John's regular rehearsal to get him into costume and read the scenes he was going to do. He looked a bit off, almost anxious. He was always a bit bouncy but today it was bordering on jittery. Every time she got close to him he'd flinch. He also had rings under his eyes indicating that he hadn't slept.

Rose called him out on it. "You shouldn't party so hard on a school night." She said with a teasing smile, "I'm gonna have to use a lot more makeup on you today"

"Huh?" John looked at her, confused, and a little sad.

Rose found that odd, "I'm just saying that it looks like you had a bad night." She pointed to the mirror in front of his chair, "See, you've got rings under your eyes, and they're a bit bloodshot." When he didn't say anything she continued, "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine, I'm always fine."

He didn't look fine.

"Ok then, let's pick up from the scene where the Beast shows Belle the mirror." Rose kept working on his makeup, knowing the script by heart already, and moved in closer to his face to apply something to cover his lack of sleep.

John flinched away, turned the chair and stood up. "Actually, I think I'm good."

Rose squinted at him, trying to figure out what was going on. He was acting so strangely. "John, you're only half done with the makeup."

"It's fine Rose, we're not filming yet, I can manage the costume. Besides, you should be doing other things."

"This is my job, 'other things' come later, when I'm done."

"Yes, yes, this is your job, but you spend too much time here, too much time with me."

This brought Rose up short. "What are you talking about?"

John ran a hand through his hair, "You're with me every day, practically all day. You come early, stay late, we're practically in each other's pockets. You should be doing things for yourself, taking care of your life, away from me."

"John, right now, this project is my life. I made a promise, I'm never going to leave y-it."

John's heart started beating faster. She almost said she was never going to leave him, at least that's what he thought she almost said. He stepped closer to her, wanting to touch her. "Rose..."

"Come on John, let me finish your makeup, we've got a long day today."

He almost gave in. He wanted to, so badly, but this was for Rose. She was brilliant and she deserved so much better than revolving her life, her career, around him. She should have a fantastic life and he wasn't going to ruin it for her. He'd have to convince her he wasn't worth her time.

"No Rose, *I* have a long day today. You should go. I'm done here, the costume's fine. I'm gonna go relax before I have to get started." He started to leave, pulling the smock he wore to protect the costume off.

Rose was confused, "Are you feeling all right?"

'No, I'm not' he thought to himself, 'I'm trying to let you go, for your sake, when all I want to do is pull you closer.' He didn't respond, just kept moving away from her.

"John, tell me what's wrong, we're friends, you can talk to me."

"We aren't friends Rose." He snapped. "We work together. I'm an actor, you're a makeup artist. We're 'friendly' because we have to be. I've been trying to tell you all morning that we spend too much time together."

The light faded from Rose's eyes. The usual smile she saved for him melted from her features. She turned her head from him, "Oh... Right... I didn't get... I didn't understand."

John immediately regretted what he just did. "Rose, it's not.. That's-"

"No," She sniffed, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize... I'll just... I'll go..." She grabbed a few of the things she had scattered around, he always teased her that she worked like a whirlwind, everything everywhere, in a chaos only only she could make sense of.

"Rose, wait." He tried to catch her as she bolted for the door but she was too fast.

She didn't know how she got back to her flat after that but somehow she made it. She was so distracted that she didn't notice that she had forgotten her coat. There was no way in the universe that she was going back there now. Not a chance.

In fact, she didn't think she would go back there tomorrow either. She needed some time away to work on her game face. She didn't want to admit it, especially to herself, but she was well on her way to falling in love with John, and now that he made it quite clear that he didn't even want to be her friend, she needed some time to get some perspective. She wasn't going to let this stop her from finishing the project though. One actor crushed her dreams along with her heart, she wasn't going to let her dreams suffer again. Her heart... that was another matter.

 

x13x


	14. Trainspotting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure about this chapter, hope I didn't further wreck the story, it's pretty out there to begin with.

John felt sick.

He hadn't slept in days, had a terrible headache, was sweating profusely, shaking, felt like vomiting, and his body hurt, all over.

Maybe it was the flu.

On top of this he coudn't concentrate and he was being a right bastard to everyone, especially Martha.

"You're not a doctor, I don't have to listen to you. I need to go!"

"John, you're sick. You need fluids and rest. The movie can wait a few days while you get better." Martha was very worried. He looked awful, was acting worse, and flat out refused to stay home. He was getting progressively sicker as time passed and she began to wonder if it was something to do with the Family. Had they found him? Were they doing this to him?

"I'm fine Rose, I just need to get going." He tried to push past her, but ended up stumbling and using the wall for support.

"I'm Martha." Now she had to worry about him hallucinating

"Of course you are Rose, that's what I said. Now please, I'm already late." He made to move away from the wall but seemed to think better of it as he closed his eyes and sagged.

"You just called me 'Rose' again." Martha's patience was running low, add that to being continually called 'Rose' and she was reaching the limit of her tolerance for him.

"What?" John asked as he finally gave up and slid down the wall. He started mumbling something softly to himself.

Martha moved closer to him and bent to hear him. As she approached she could see him shaking, his head was down and his hands were clenched. He looked like he was in agony. She reached out to comfort him but as soon as she touched him he flinched away, falling fully to the floor, seemingly unconscious.

"Please help me." He whispered. But it wasn't him. The voice was disembodied, it was coming from the fob watch that had fallen out of John's pocket.

She reached for the watch, "I'm trying to."

It was definitely the Doctor that responded, his voice still weak, but more coherent than John had been, was coming from the watch. "Don't touch me, it's wrong... it... hurts."

"Ok, Doctor, just tell me what to do." She didn't know if she should pick up the watch or not, would it hurt him if she did? The watch was leaking out a gold light that had burned John in the bookshop, would it burn her too?

"Rose..."

"Doctor, it's Martha."

"Rose can... only Rose... Please... Help us..." The light from the watch was fading.

"Doctor, wait, I don't understand." The light faded entirely just as she was about to reach for the watch. As she touched it, John tensed and groaned weakly. She dropped it and that seemed to allow John to come round a bit, enough to recover slightly from his prone position on the floor.

He looked up at her with bleary, not quite focused eyes, and she couldn't help but think he wasn't very coherent at the moment. "I did bad things." He said, looking at her, almost willing her to understand.

"We all do sometimes. It's all right, we all make mistakes." She wasn't sure whether this was coming from John or the Doctor, but if she could get him to finally get some rest, she was willing to go with it.

"No," he said with determination. "She made me better and I left... I lost..." His eyes closed again. He was struggling internally with something, and it was manifesting physically.

"Come on John, you need some rest." She reached out again to help him up but remembered what the Doctor had said about touching him and she pulled back.

"No!" He shouted, it came out as a soft bark, "I need..." His head fell back again, and just before he passed out for a second time he finished, "Her."

 

x13x

 

It took Martha a full hour before she finally put all the pieces together. She spent most of the time worrying about the John, and trying to figure out what could possibly be wrong with him. And if it was something benignly human or not.

She was a medical doctor after all so she decided to look at this from that perspective. She began to diagnose him. The symptoms were flu-like in nature and she was almost willing to accept that as the cause but something about it didn't sit well. Over the past few days his illness was inconsistent. He would get to rehearsals exceedingly early, spend most of his time in the makeup trailer, which was nothing really new. At the start of the day he was almost normal. Martha could tell that not everything was as it should be, but he carried most if it off. But the longer they worked the worse he got. Today was the first time it was this severe.

They had wrapped up earlier than usual the day before. John had retreated again to the makeup trailer and Martha had followed him to convince him to make an early night of it and go get some sleep. Reluctantly he agreed.

She had gone to check on him this morning and try to further convince him to take more time off to recover, but he was adamant that he needed to go to work. Something wasn't adding up. But this whole circumstance seemed oddly familiar.

Martha started repeating everything to herself, trying to link it all together. In the back of her mind, something poked her and pointed her to an answer. She gasped softly as it all started to make strange, but undeniable, sense.

These were very typical symptoms of withdrawal.

John was addicted to something, something strong and obviously available to him while he as working. That was why he was hell bent on going every day even though he felt awful. Something there was feeding this addiction and while he was away he got sick. The fact that he left early the day before and still hadn't gotten there today, explained the worsening symptoms! 

The problem that now remained was to figure out what he was addicted to. She wondered if the Family had somehow introduced him to something hoping that he would become dependent on it so that he would crave it and come out of hiding to pursue it. 

Martha had to figure this out and the only clue she had was that somehow being at rehearsal eased him. With that in mind, she left John sleeping, although fitfully, and went to try to get some answers.

x13x


	15. Misery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was really surprised at the reaction to the last chapter. I was so totally unsure about it but it seemed to go over pretty well. I really wanted to get this one out quickly, but once again, life got in the way and I failed. Please feel free to drop a note, I live for feedback!

Martha tried to be analytical in her investigation. She tried very hard not to panic, but to approach this in a clinical way. As hard as she tried she couldn't help the anxiety that coursed through her at the thought that the Family had figured a way to flush out the Time Lord.

Reaching the set she immediately began searching the areas John frequented the most. He usually spent an inordinate amount of time getting into costume and makeup, so she headed there. She had no idea what she was looking for, she was just hoping that inspiration would strike.

Half an hour later, the room was in shambles and she was no closer to finding whatever it was she was looking for. She slumped down onto a small sofa and put her head in her hands. "Come on Martha, think!" She said to herself. "There must be something here!"

She scanned the room again, finding nothing. She flopped against the back of the sofa onto something that was digging into her back. Annoyed, she turned to find the offending item.

There was a dark blue leather jacket draped over the back of the couch. Figuring it was the zip that poked her, Martha huffed and tossed the jacket to the floor. Something thumped when it hit and a faint golden light was emanating from under the jacket. 

"What the-?" Martha, startled, jumped up to retrieve the jacket. Picking it up she saw that there was an open fob watch on the floor, the cause of the gold light. A voice started speaking to her.

"Not our time yet, keep us safe." It was Rose's voice, coming from the watch. Martha quickly closed the watch, panic rising in her chest. The last time, when the Doctor's watch glowed, the Family were alerted. Had she just given away their location?

With this running through her mind, Martha pocketed Rose's watch and ran from the set, intent on getting back to John and making sure he was still there.

 

x13x

 

Slamming through the door to the John's bedroom, Martha finally pulled in a deep breath and sighed, seeing that John was still in bed resting. The noise she made getting into the house and to the bedroom seemed to disturb his sleep. Slowly he started to rouse.

With a yawn, John's eyes opened, looking much clearer than earlier that day. "Martha?" He looked at her with sleep clouded eyes, "What are you doing here?"

He appeared much more coherent, he wasn't calling her 'Rose' after all. "I'm checking on you, you've been pretty ill."

He yawned again and stretched, "Have I?" He looked down at himself, wiggled his fingers and toes, "I don't feel sick. Maybe a bit tired." He swung his legs over to the side of the bed and sat there for a few seconds before heaving himself up to start getting dressed. "I'll be ready in a few, I know I'm late. Rose is probably-" His shoulders slumped suddenly and the bit of energy that he seemed to have gotten back left his body. "How is Rose?"

Martha had no answer for him, she hadn't seen Rose in a few days. Rose hadn't been in rehearsals but John's scenes were pretty much settled and shooting was scheduled to start in two days, maybe she had other things to settle before it began. She guessed this was just another manifestation of their annoying closeness, and responded, "I'm sure she's fine John, it's barely been a day since you saw each other," she huffed a bit, "This is what I meant when I said you guys are getting too close."

"It's been more than a day." He whispered, turning away from her and walking toward the bathroom.

His melancholy was confusing and it seemed odd that he hadn't seen Rose. Had something happened? In his earlier stupor he said he did things, bad things, things he regretted. Could she have quit? That would be bad. Especially if the Family now knew where they were. At least she had Rose's watch. Was that a good thing? 

"John, did something happen to Rose?" He had gone into the bathroom to wash up and change, she was talking to the closed door. There was no response, so she knocked. Still no answer. "John? I'm coming in." He had been very sick this morning and, although markedly improved, he was still weak. She tried the knob and found it unlocked. He was standing at the sink looking at his reflection.

He jumped when she approached, "What? Oh, sorry Martha, just got caught up in my thoughts."

"John, what's going on? You're acting very strangely, even for you."

He let out a breath that ruffled his hair and turned away from the mirror, "Nothing Martha, nothing is going on."

"Did something happen? Between you and Rose I mean? You said something before..." 

He was starting to get upset, "For the last time Martha, whatever goes on between me and Rose is none of your business!" He stopped and Martha thought that was going to be the end of their conversation. "It's done anyway," he barley whispered.

"Done?"

"You were right ok? Now leave it!"

Now she was really confused, and he was obviously becoming more and more upset. She was even more convinced that something happened between them. "I was right?" She asked, trying to get him to elaborate.

"No need to gloat about it." He hung his head again.

"No, John, I don't-" She reached out and touched his shoulder, he flinched, interrupting her.

"Please don't!" he gasped, sucking the words through his teeth.

Martha jumped back, concerned. "All right," she said calmly, trying to get him to relax and talk to her. "Just tell me what happened? I don't know what you're talking about."

He walked out of the room and flopped back onto the bed, covering his face with the back of his hand and arm. "I thought about what you said and you were right... you are right... about Rose... about me... I just wish she wouldn't... that I didn't..." he stopped and groaned, turning onto his stomach. When he spoke again it was muffled by the bedding he was face down in, "I tried to tell her but she didn't understand, she wouldn't..."

Martha started to piece things together. He must have tried to distance himself from Rose, she probably got upset because she had a little crush on him and now he was over reacting. He could be such a drama queen sometimes and jump to the worst possible conclusion. "So you warned Rose that you didn't do relationships and she got upset? She'll get over it."

"No! She won't. I hurt her. I did just what you said I'd do... I tried to tell her she shouldn't spend all her time with me... that I wasn't worth it... but she wouldn't listen... said that we were friends... I'd be lucky to be her friend, her real friend... but I can't... I'm broken... so I... I... told her we weren't friends... made it seem like it was one-sided... and... I saw that it hurt her... and she left... I swore I wouldn't hurt her! That's why I said it! And now... now I feel awful..."

He kept going, lamenting and babbling away but Martha's phone started ringing. It was JJ, she had to answer, "Hello? She what??"

John stopped talking and looked at Martha who's eyes got wide.

"I understand.... yes, I'll tell him." She hung up.

"Is it about Rose?" He looked both hopeful and anxious, like this could either be news of a birthday party or a death sentence.

"Yes and no... Joan broke her ankle, in a really bad spot in her dance class. They can't afford to wait for her to heal so she can't do the film. JJ has decided to ask Rose to play the part of Belle, being that she knows all the lines already, having practiced them with you. He called me to find out if either one of us knows where she is. She hasn't been on set and no one else can get in touch with her."

He said nothing. Thinking of Rose playing Belle made his heart beat faster. It would be so easy to do this film now! He was so comfortable with her, he'd already run the script a dozen times with her! 

Then reality crashed in on him. He remembered what a mess he made the last time he had seen her. He had to make this right.

"John? Did you hear me?"

Snapping out of his own thoughts, he turned to Martha, "No one knows where she's been? You mean she hasn't been around at all?"

"No one has seen her, outside of you when she does your makeup every day."  
John started to look panicked, "But I haven't seen her since she... since we... since I..."

"Wait, NO ONE has seen her in days?" Now Martha was worried. Maybe the Family did have Rose! Maybe this was a way to lure the Time Lord to them!

Seeing the panic begin to set in on Martha's face, John stood up and started out of the flat, "I know where she lives."

 

x13x


	16. Winter's Tale

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even though I actually managed to get this done before the end of the week (barely), to me it really felt like this chapter took a while to write. I'm not sure why but it took a few days of sitting down staring at my tablet (yes, I write on a tablet, I have no idea why, I'm sure my laptop would be more convenient) trying to pull this out of my head. I hope it flows okay, it was done in pieces.

"I don't think this is a good idea." Against Martha's better judgement, she had driven John to Rose's flat to check on her. Martha was wary that this could be the work of the Family but couldn't exactly explain that to John. Now, sitting outside of the flat she was once again voicing her unease.

"What do you mean? What if she's sick or hurt? We have to make sure she's okay, Martha." John said this but made no move to exit the car. "You should go in and check on her."

Martha was about to argue but then thought better of it. If this was the Family, it would be better for her to go find out rather than put the Doctor in harm's way. "All right, all right, I'll go. But stay here, don't go wandering off."

For a second John looked at her strangely, but then nodded, "Yes, yes, fine. I'll be right here."

Martha got out of the car and up to Rose's door to ring the bell. Everything was quiet. There was no shuffling the inside, no lights, no movement at all.

She rang again, still no response. Briefly she thought that maybe Rose wasn't at home, or that John had gotten the address wrong. She turned back to the waiting car and saw that John was almost pressed against the window, straining to see past Martha and through the closed door. Obviously Rose was important to John, and she knew that Rose was important to the Doctor, so she had to try a little more. Shaking her head, she tried the door knob, and found it, surprisingly, unlocked.

"Rose?" She called out, hoping for an answer, and hoping to not be accused of trespassing. It would be just like the Doctor to get an address wrong. She passed through the front room of the flat and into what must be Rose's work area.

"Rose? Are you here?" The room was strewn with cloth, makeup and sewing supplies. There were a few mannequins and some plaster molds littered about as well. It was a very large room and absolutely cluttered. In the back corner was a large... tall... something... covered with a sheet. Curious, Martha stepped and climbed her way over the chaos of the room and over to it.

She lifted just the corner of the sheet and gasped in relief "The TARDIS!" Martha pulled the sheet over far enough to reveal the her doors. She tried opening it, but found her to be locked. "I guess that makes sense, wouldn't be good for Rose to get inside you before this whole mess is over with." 

Even without being able to get inside, Martha felt that the TARDIS was happy to see her which made her feel better. She even hugged the old girl and didn't feel too ridiculous about it. That feeling of happiness emanating from the TARDIS soon turned to anxiety, confusing Martha. "What is it? What's wrong?" She asked, lifting her head and stepping away from the ship. 

She heard a soft whimper in the vicinity of her feet.

It was Rose, on the floor in the foetal position. Martha hadn't seen her before because she was covered with scraps of material. She had nearly stepped on her.

Martha kneeled down to check Rose. "Rose! Rose, wake up!" She was unresponsive, deathly pale, shivering, and her breathing was shallow. Martha ran her fingers to Rose's neck to check her pulse. It was thready. She needed help. This could be any number of things but clearly she needed medical attention.

Martha reached for her mobile but realized she had left it in the car. Groaning, she stood up, "Rose, I'll be right back, stay with me, I'm going to get help."

She ran out of the flat and to the car. John, seeing her panicked state, jumped out, "What's wrong? What happened?"

Breathing heavily, Martha replied, "Rose needs help, I need my mobile, I left-"

John didn't let Martha finish, instead he ran into the flat to Rose.

"Doc- John! Don't move her! Wait for the paramedics!"

 

x13x

 

It had been torture to stay in the car while Martha went to check on Rose, but he was too much of a coward to go and see for himself. He was too afraid to face her after the way they had parted, so he left it to Martha to make sure Rose was okay. But when she came running out of the flat with that look on her face, John had to get to Rose. The terror and guilt had made him clumsy at first, couldn't get the door opened, and he nearly strangled himself with the seat belt, but once he was out he ran blindly into the flat.

John was panicked. He was worried about Rose and felt more than a little responsible for her. If only they hadn't fought, if only he hadn't been a total arse to her, then he would have noticed as soon as something was wrong. Maybe she wouldn't be sick, or hurt. She would be with him, laughing and teasing, making him better.

With these thoughts in his mind, John frantically searched the flat. When he entered her work room he heard a groan. "Rose?" He called as he made his way through the room, quickly but carefully, the room was cluttered and he didn't want to accidentally step on Rose.

Another groan and then a strange, but familiar voice whispered, "Doctor?"

"Rose, are you all right?" He had found her in the room and knelt down next to her. She looked pale but her eyes were open and she seemed to recognize him. He had heard Martha's warning about not moving her, but he couldn't keep himself from touching her. Telling himself he was checking her pulse, he took her hand pressed his fingers to her wrist. It felt strong to him, but what did he know? Even with his nickname being what it was, he wasn't actually a doctor.  
It was odd that that Rose hadn't used his name, but he was very aware of his nickname, maybe that was how he was most familiar to her, then again, maybe she was somewhat incoherent.

She tried to sit up and almost managed it before her muscles gave out. He caught her and moved to sit behind her, allowing her to rest on his chest. "Easy there, don't try to move, the paramedics are on their way." He threaded his hand with hers and squeezed.

She took a deep breath and relaxed into his a bit, then asked, "What happened?"

"What's the last thing you remember?"

Turning her head slightly, she looked at John. Her eyes suddenly clouded and she tensed. She tried to push herself away from him, "Oh! It's... It's you... I, Uhm... I'm sorry."

John felt that like a knife to his gut. She obviously remembered how they had left things, how he had hurt her. "Rose, Rose, I'm the one that's sorry. I didn't mean... I made a mistake." He kept his hand in hers. He didn't want to restrain her but he couldn't let her go either, especially because she was so weak.

That's what he told himself.

Rose looked a little wary, but she settled back down, reluctantly.

"I told you not to move her!" Martha said from the doorway, seeing Rose in John's lap. "You don't know what happened! Moving her can make it worse!" She got closer to them and noticed that Rose was awake.

"It's okay Martha, he didn't move me, I came to on my own and tried to get up. He caught me when I fell."

Martha looked her over, assessing her. She tried to be surreptitious about it, she couldn't let on about her medical training but she wanted to make sure Rose was all right. She checked her breathing and eye movement. When she took her pulse, Rose flinched.

"Does that hurt?"

"Yes... No... I'm not sure. It just feels... wrong?"

Strange reaction, but amazingly, Rose seemed to be in a much better state than she had been before. Martha let out a breath, "The paramedics will be here soon."

"I don't think that's necessary, I'm okay." Rose tried to get up again and again was too weak to manage it.

"Rose," She turned to John as he spoke, "I think maybe you should let them check you out. Just to be safe." He turned his 'puppy dog' look on her, willing her to agree.

Rose sighed, annoyed at herself for continuing to allow those looks to work on her, especially given their last interactions, but she still liked the feeling of her hand in his, and she was feeling pretty weak, and he did say he was sorry, "All right, I'll let them check me out."

Just then sirens could be heard approaching.

x13x


	17. Fight the Future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I tried to offer a bit of an explanation in this chapter but I'm not totally sure it came out well. Also, I'm kind of feeling badly for Martha. But I just can't seem to write a break for her.
> 
> One more thing, the chapter titles are movies. I pick them because something in the chapter reminds me of something in the movie. They probably only mean something to me. I'm pointing this out now because this chapter is named for the X-files movie and the reason isn't because of the movie itself, it's actually because I used a line in this chapter that came from an X-files fic I read years and years ago. Credit where credit it due and all that.
> 
> I guess I should also mention that everything in this story that you think you might recognize, obviously, doesn't belong to me.

Rose agreed to take it easy and rest for the remainder of the day, it was the only way she could convince John and Martha to dismiss the paramedics and not end up in a hospital. Martha helped Rose to bed and was now roaming through her flat. John had volunteered to go out to get some food.

Martha meandered into Rose's work area. She really was talented. Briefly, Martha wondered how much of this was bestowed upon her by the TARDIS for the 'role' she was playing, and how much was distinctly, genuine, Rose Tyler.

As Martha moved through the room she couldn't help but try the door of the TARDIS again. She was surprised to find that it was no longer locked.

She stepped into the console room and a feeling of relief washed over her. "I missed you," she said to the time ship.

The TARDIS seemed to hum affectionately in return.

"They're both acting so strangely, I'm worried about them." Martha knew that there was a 'language barrier' between her and the TARDIS but she felt the need to vent some of her concerns. There wasn't anyone else she could talk to about this. "They're practically inseparable one minute, then they fight, then they both get some kind of strange illness. I can't be sure they have anything to do with one another. But I'm scared. I'm so afraid the Family will find the Doctor. Maybe they already have! I don't know what's going on!"

Martha slumped in the jump seat and covered her head with her hands.

"I sure hope this works." 

Martha jumped up at the voice. It was Rose, she was in the TARDIS!

"You should be-" Martha began but was interrupted.

"Martha? If you can see this, I guess you found the TARDIS."

"What?" Martha walked toward Rose and she flickered. It was an image! A recording! It occurred to her that she should probably be paying attention. "Wait! Wait, I missed that." Then, remembering that this was a recording, she addressed the TARDIS, "Can you replay that?"

The image blinked out and restarted, "I sure hope this works. Martha? If you can see this, I guess you found the TARDIS." The image of Rose looked down, "I can't imagine this is going to be easy for you and I'm so sorry that I'm adding to this mess. I don't quite understand what's going on. The TARDIS has been trying to explain it but, I guess I'm just not understanding her so well, and we don't exactly have a lot of time."

Rose paused. She looked as if she were trying to hear something, she closed her eyes and concentrated before continuing. "Right, I think something has happened to me and the Doctor. Something I don't understand that well. It had to do with the way I got pulled back into this universe... Right, this universe, you see, I fell..."

Rose closed her eyes again, "Right, sorry, long story, and not that important right now. Anyway, something happened that didn't get the chance to finish properly because of the whole turning the Doctor human thing. It's going to complicate this whole thing even more. I know the Doctor will understand this when he wakes up, and the TARDIS says we should both be all right until then, assuming the whole Family thing doesn't get in the way. But we're going to need to be close to each other until the Doctor can change back. If we're separated for too long... well, I don't know what would happen, she really won't say, but I don't think it's a good thing. The watches should help if something happens and we can't be nearby."

Rose looked over her shoulder at something, then continued, "I better go. I hope you're okay Martha, and... thank you." The image faded out.

Martha felt both relieved and irritated at the explanation the TARDIS had shown her. Of course, she was happy that the strange illnesses that afflicted Rose and the Doctor seemed to be explained away by their lack of contact over the last few days. But now there was a whole new set of issues. They actually HAD to spend time together, or else... or else something... she had no idea what.

She sulked for a few more minutes in the TARDIS but realized that John would probably be back soon and she couldn't run the risk of him finding her here. Bidding the time ship farewell, she made her way back out to Rose's flat.

 

x13x

 

John had returned with some soup and sandwiches and was sitting with Rose while she ate. Her strength was returning and she was insisting she be allowed to get back to work.

"I'm fine, John, really." 

"I know that but humor me. Just relax for today. You can get back to work tomorrow." He was sitting in a chair next to her bed and was desperately trying to convince himself not to hold her hand. He kept finding his hands leaving his lap and wandering over to her, almost like he was being pulled, like she was magnetic and he was a just piece of iron, hopelessly drawn into her field. 

"I'm really fine... and besides, you probably have places to be... you definitely don't have time to be watching over your makeup artist." She had been trying not to bring up their argument, but she was still hurt. His comments still stung. She thought that they were friends, until he'd told her otherwise.

John closed his eyes at her comment and took a deep breath. "I didn't mean it like that Rose."

"Oh, I'm sorry then. I guess I got it wrong." Her voice dripped with sarcasm.

"Ro-"

"No, I think I got the whole message. No need to feel guilty about us stupid apes! God! You're all the same!" She was getting angrier. The hurt that swallowed her over the last few days, that had robbed her vitality, was turning into a red rage. How dare he say she didn't know what she heard?

"No, Rose, you don't understand."

"I don't? Well, maybe you could clear it up for me so that I'm totally sure where we stand. "What part of 'fuck you' did I fail to comprehend?"

Here eyes were flashing, her chest heaving, and she was flushed. John couldn't keep his eyes off of her, he couldn't focus on what she was saying. All he could register was that he wanted...

He wanted to kiss her...

He was going to kiss her...

x13x


	18. The Third Wheel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These two still haven't managed to clear the air... I can't seem to get them on the same page... also, more Martha abuse.

"John!" Martha call from the hall, making her way to Rose's bedroom. " JJ's on the line asking about Rose." 

John snapped out of his trance violently, Martha stopped in her tracks just inside the doorway, Rose was still breathing hard and red-faced. Unsure of what she had just walked in on, Martha stepped back out, "Oh!, I'm sorry, didn't mean to interrupt, I'll just..." she pointed back down the hall.

John jumped up, still reeling a bit from the almost overwhelming urge to kiss Rose. He tripped over his feet a bit and made to go after Martha. "I had better go... and ... Martha... yeah... she ummm..." With that very articulate speech, he followed Martha back to rose's work room.

Rose flopped back on the bed. The man was infuriating! First, they hang out together constantly, then, the last time they spoke he basically chased her off, telling her they weren't friends, then he comes to see her, finds her sick and stays with her, held her the entire time, seemingly unable to bear the idea of not touching some part of her, AND THEN when they finally get to discuss their 'fight,' he tells her she didn't understand what he meant! AND when she gets herself good and worked up about it, FINALLY not letting his looks and charms get to her, he goes and ups the ante. For a second there he looked... desperate... and not at all in bad way. Rose could SWEAR he was going to snog the life out of her a moment ago.

It was a good thing Martha walked in or she would have been toast! DAMN he was a good actor, knew just how to play her. He saw that she was upset with him and in order to distract her he put on that act and was prepared to kiss the hell out of her! DAMN THE MAN! And damn herself because she would have let him!

Rose couldn't decide if she was angrier at John for playing with her that way, or with herself for falling for it again. What was wrong with her? Hadn't she learned her lesson? 

She finally concluded that she was more upset with herself because even after all this, after knowing better, after seeing what he was capable of, after once again realizing that all actors were big fat liars (or in John's case, tall, skinny, really good looking liars), she still had some pretty serious feeling for him (and his tall, skinny, really good looking body) and that, given enough exposure to him, would probably continue to make an arse of herself and wind up even more heartbroken.

She had learned nothing, all that growing up, all that pain, and still she couldn't shake this thing she had for actors. Could this get any worse?

At least the costume was finished, and they were going to be filming soon. Wait, did they start already? What day was it?

If she was going to get through this, she was going to have to start with some professional distance. The way they had carried on before was simply unacceptable. She would do her job and no more, they weren't friends, he had said that and it was time she started believing it. They would carry on as indifferent acquaintances. She'd do his makeup, he'd go film, she'd sit in the background or leave entirely.

Good.

Good plan.

Now, the hard part, executing it.

 

x13x

 

"Martha, wait!"

Martha had basically sprinted from Rose's room. She didn't know for sure what was going on but she did know that she had NEVER seen the Doctor, John, whoever it was sitting in that room with Rose, look at anyone the way he had been looking at her. She knew she interrupted something, something that made that green monster inside of her rear its ugly, spinach colored head. She was ashamed and more that a little heartbroken. When she heard John coming after her, she ran, she knew she was going to cry and didn't want to have to explain herself, especially when she wasn't even sure what exactly she was crying about.

She knew she had feelings for the Doctor, but she wasn't ready to admit how deeply they ran. Before this whole mess started, she knew he had someone in his past that he couldn't forget, someone special, but actually seeing Rose made her really question what it was about Rose that she didn't have. What made her so special? Why didn't the Doctor look at her like that?

Adding to the injury were the circumstances. The Doctor didn't remember who he was, he was 'engineered' by the TARDIS to refuse all intimate relationships, and STILL, as soon as Rose shows up, he just re-writes his programming and becomes this love sick little puppy. COME ON!

And then the topper! She actually HAS to keep them together! Of all the bad jokes in the universe! 

Her mobile started ringing again. It was JJ. Apparently she hung up on him earlier as she was making her getaway from Rose and John. "Hello? Yes, sorry JJ, the call must have dropped."

John had finally caught up with her. "Martha, I'm sor-"

She held one finger up and then pointed to the phone to signal for his silence. "Yes, she's all right. Just a bit of a scare." She mouthed 'JJ' to John by way of explanation.

John nodded and continued to wait for her to finish the call. Martha was hoping that he'd just return to Rose and let her continue to nurse her wounds in peace. Apparently the universe wasn't done torturing her yet.

"No, we haven't told her yet... Yes, I know... Right, will do... Tomorrow? That might be too soon. All right, yes, that's fine... Tomorrow then." She disconnected the call and turned to John.

"Everything okay with JJ?" he asked.

"He wants to start shooting tomorrow. He expects you and Rose to be on set early to get started." She was trying to be very matter of fact, trying not to allow any of her emotions to slip.

"Martha, about before-"

"None of my business John, you've made that abundantly clear." She started toward the door to the flat. "I'm going to head out now. Rose seems to be feeling better, hopefully she'll be feeling well enough to get to work tomorrow, if not, JJ will probably be upset." Knowing the way of the universe, at least at the moment, JJ would probably forgive Rose and blame Martha for her not feeling up to going in.

Now that wasn't fair. Rose hadn't had it easy either and Martha knew it. It was just that terrible jealous streak of hers jumping up again. "Are you staying? Or did you want a ride home?"

John thought for a minute before responding. He had no other way back besides walking or calling a cab. He also knew that Rose was still mad at him for the way he treated her, telling her she wasn't his friend and then running out on their conversation to clear the air. Even so, he really didn't want to leave.

Staying would be totally out of the question though. Way too dangerous. He couldn't be in the same room as her without needing to touch her in some way, and before Martha's fortunate (or unfortunate) interruption, was well on his way to kissing her.

No, he had to leave.

"Yes, uhh, a ride would be great, fantastic. Let me just let Rose know we're going. Oh! She doesn't know about Joan yet does she?" John looked at Martha in a way that he hoped said 'Please come tell her with me.'

Martha rolled her eyes. "Come on then, let's go tell her and be on our way." 

 

x13x


	19. Mr. Jealousy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I don't thank you guys often enough for reading and reviewing but I really do appreciate it. I really can't believe the reception this story has had. I hope I don't disappoint!

Rose was never one to fake illness in order to get out of something she didn't want to do. Sick days were always legitimate, even when she was very young and still in school. Sure, she made other excuses, but feigning illness wasn't in her repertoire. However, she was seriously considering using the strange affliction that had incapacitated her to avoid becoming Belle.

When John and Martha had re-entered her room to tell her that JJ had, in effect, cast her as Belle now that Joan Redfern was incapacitated, she could hardly believe what she was hearing. In some ways it was a forbidden dream come true, the resurrection of her most secret desires, and yet, in others it was a complete nightmare.

Rose ALWAYS wanted to be an actress. From when she was very small she watched the telly and dreamed. Later in life she decided that the stage was her preferred medium, that the direct impact and reaction from an audience was what she craved.

She almost achieved it. She was so close she could have tasted it. But that bastard Jimmy snatched it all away from her. She fell for his lies, his acting abilities, and ended up heartsick and broken. Her dreams in tatters.

Now it was almost as if history was repeating itself.

John was an even better actor and she was even more attracted to him than she had been to Jimmy. She was so susceptible to him that it was dangerous for her to be even close enough to breath the same air as the man. He was too good, too gorgeous, and too... too god damned perfect for her.

The role was perfect too. She always felt like a bit of an outcast, fighting to fit in but not really managing it. Being independent, and brave, and caring. And she was even a brunette! Not that that would have stopped her, there was such a thing as hair dye, she was a cosmetician after all.

She knew all the lines, had even practiced them with John. It was all so perfectly arranged. Which was the biggest problem with the whole situation. She already WAS Belle, and John was her Beast and her prince. The issue, of course was that she was not John's Belle, and, in reality, he was more beast than prince.

Rose told herself to remember this. It was too good of an opportunity to pass up, but she wasn't about to get her heart stepped on again. But, she did admit that her whole internal monologue seemed a lot easier to accomplish when the object of her affections wasn't in the same room. In fact, she was reasonably certain that all of this was going to come crashing down around her as soon as John started reciting his poetic lines to her.

Life wasn't ever fair, she knew this, but why did if have to play so bloody dirty?

 

x13x

 

The next day came too quickly for both John and Rose. Both were still feeling the after effects of their illnesses, which seemed to intensify as the night progressed, and both were anxious about playing their respective roles. 

John felt that he had come so far with this part. Coming into it he had never successfully romanced on screen. He was indisputably awful at it, had avoided it for most of his career, and was satisfied that this would never be one of his strong suits. He had accepted it. But now, this role, this script, this character... he felt it. He wanted it, badly. 

The fact that Rose was now cast opposite him was both thrilling and terrifying. On the one hand, it could be the ultimate experience. She was so easy to work with, everything just flowed. On the other, he was so afraid of the feelings she inspired in him that he pushed her away, and that made him miserable. What if she never forgave him? What if they failed?

Rose had arrived late to the rehearsal. No one noticed her entrance at first, but John felt all the hairs on the back of his neck stand at attention when she walked in. She looked as if she wasn't sure how to start, moving from foot to foot, trying, it seemed, to decide whether to get into her own costume or start prepping John for his.

JJ realized Rose had walked in and made his way over to her. He had been excited about Rose from the very beginning. The costume was everything he could have imagined for the film, whimsical yet understated, real but fantastical. As her involvement progressed, JJ soon became aware of her talents as an actress. He knew she was practicing lines with John, and he also knew of John's reputation of being adverse to romantic roles. Rose was obviously helping John get over himself.

Everyone had been distraught when Joan got injured. They all thought that the production would be shelved, but JJ knew the answer. Rose could easily do it, he felt it in his gut, and his gut never lied. This might even be better than before!

"Rose, how are you feeling today? I heard you'd been a bit under the weather. I hope you're making a full recovery!"

Rose could barely get a word out before JJ continued, taking her arm, Rose flinched. His hand felt wrong. Not really painful, but very uncomfortable, "Oh! I can't wait to see you in costume! Come on, let's get started with the market place scene!"

Rose let JJ tow her away to wardrobe, hoping that she wouldn't have to practice with John today. She wasn't at all ready to see him, never mind pretend to fall in love with him.

 

x13x

 

What she didn't realize was that John had been watching her every move from the moment she had walked in. Her interaction with JJ twisted him a bit and he wasn't sure why. 

Actually, he knew exactly why. He, rightly or wrongly, felt possessive of Rose. Sure, he knew that he had absolutely no claim on her, especially given his recent behaviour, but that not withstanding, he didn't want anyone else to try to usurp him. His mind was taking some liberties with the actual events that had unfolded before him. The innocent conversation Rose had with JJ turned into JJ slithering up to Rose, like a snake, charming her and dragging his hands all over her body. Which eventually led to him hauling her to off to his cave to do other... snake-y things to her. He even thought that JJ had turned around to wink at him as he led Rose off.

Martha had come over to John as JJ and Rose left the room.

"Are you all right?"

John didn't respond, he just turned to Martha and glared.

Martha snapped back, she had never seen that look before, whether as John or the Doctor. "John? What's wrong?"

His chest was heaving and he was flushed. His hands had formed tight fists and all of the hair on his body was standing on end. Martha tried to snap him out of this rage by putting a hand on his arm.

Quickly, he snatched it back and away from her. But it did seem to break his mood a bit. "I'm fine. I've got to go get ready."

John was boiling! He really hoped they would run his early Beast scenes today, he was sure there wouldn't be a whole lot of acting necessary to get into character.

 

x13x


	20. The Phantom of the Opera

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the delay! Life was complete insanity the last two weeks! Big presentations at work, almost losing my job (I might be exaggerating there, but it felt like it at the time). I hope this chapter was worth the wait (although I doubt it). If you're still with me, I thank you!

They had started filming that day. Rose so seamlessly fit into the production that JJ felt there was no reason to postpone the schedule any further. They had started with scenes she wasn't in to give her at least a little time to acclimate to the work. Also, they found another makeup artist to assist John. Rose was a little upset that she wouldn't get full billing for her makeup work, but the costume was still all hers. And really, she was going to be starring in the film after all. 

That was so surreal she thought for sure she'd wake up any second from this dream. In fact she kept pinching herself just to be certain. This was everything she had ever hoped for! Almost... The only small problem with the whole situation was her relationship (or lack there of) with John. 

There was nothing for it though. They had been working for over a week and hadn't had any scenes together yet. They barely interacted. If it weren't for yesterday, she would swear that he no longer thought she existed. 

Yesterday they had filmed a scene between Belle and her father. It was after Belle returned from the market where most of the town harassed her for being odd. It was emotionally draining for Rose because it hit a bit close to home. Growing up she felt like a bit of an outcast, always dreaming a little bigger than the Powell Estate could realistically provide. But unlike Belle, she had her mother who, with the best of intentions, tried to keep her daughter's head out of the clouds. Rose had learned to curb her dreams, make them more normal.

When she met Jimmy her world exploded. At first he was so supportive, told her how talented she was, and how he would help her with her fantastic dreams. But it all turned to dust in the end. She learned the hard way that girls from the Estate don't live that big, no matter how hard they wish and fight.

So Rose had some insight into Belle. She could play at least part of that scene from her heart. Belle cried to her father like Rose had cried to her mother, pouring her soul out and hoping for someone to tell her that everything would be all right.

By the end of the take silence reigned on the set, JJ's call of "Cut!" echoed through the room. Rose turned her head and sniffled, trying to get herself back under control. JJ came over and wrapped his arm around her.

"That was beautiful Rose! You're a natural at this." He continued to praise her as they walked off to get some water.

That was when Rose noticed John. He was in full costume and it looked incredible. Even though this was far from the first time she'd seen him dressed, she was still amazed that her work was really this good. She was just in the midst of patting herself on the back for a job well done on the Beast when she noticed his glaring expression and the low growl that emanated from the back of his throat. Startled and confused, she returned her attention to JJ, who continued to tout her accomplishments.

 

x13x

 

She had a dance class to get to. This would be her fifth... No, wait, her fourth? Fifth?  


They all started blending together. She didn't exactly like these lessons either. Even though her instructor told her she was doing well, she felt awkward and out of place, and she didn't like it when her partner touched her. She had told herself over and over that she was being ridiculous, but she couldn't help the unpleasant shiver that shot through her every time his hands came in contact with her.

Today's lesson would be different though. This time she had to dance in 'THE DRESS.' It was finally ready. Originally the dress had been tailored to Joan, of course, and Rose and Joan were sized a bit differently, so the dress had to be altered. Rose was both excited and anxious about this lesson. This was arguably the most visually stimulating scene in the entire movie, the costumes in this scene would be the main event. As a costume designer herself, she knew how important it was that she make the dress work in this dance.

At least she didn't have to dance with John yet. That was the one reprieve for the day. It was bad enough that they would be shooting their first scene together this afternoon, no pressure, or anything.

When she finally did end up dancing with him, she wanted to show confidence, but more than that, she wanted to show John that he didn't have any hold over her. He was just a bloke, and a rude one at that! He couldn't charm her anymore, she was done!

It was easy enough to say, she was even starting to believe it.

It gave her a little satisfaction to hear that his lessons were not going so well. If she could hold this one advantage, maybe she could hold her own with him when they finally had to interact. 

 

x13x

 

Martha had been having a hell of a time with her charges. John was making her life nearly impossible. He was moody and distant and had taken to growling. Although, that seemed to be directed at JJ, God only knew why.

From what the TARDIS, well, from what the recording of Rose on the TARDIS, had told her, she needed to keep Rose in contact with John or their strange illnesses would overcome them again. So far neither one of them had been terribly accommodating in that arena. Rose was occupied by her new role, and JJ never left her side for very long. In fact, he insisted she stay to observe scenes that she wasn't a part of. At least those included John, so she was, more often than not, in the same room with him.

John, on the other hand, couldn't seem to get away fast enough. It was so strange, his portrayal was amazing, even better than the run throughs. His Beast was angry and selfish, yet subtly tortured, and he played it all so perfectly. But as soon as the take finished he would almost run off the set, only appearing again for his next scene. He especially seemed to be avoiding Rose, which was a far cry from the almost constant contact they had with each other before they both got sick.

Martha had been carrying both of their fob watches with her. Since Rose's recording said that they might help, she figured that she could, in a sense, run interference between Rose and John with the watches. Maybe that would be enough to keep them both safe, and protect her sanity.

She knew that this was going to come to a head soon. John couldn't avoid Rose for much longer. The first scene they were doing together was going to be shot that afternoon. It was the 'rose' scene; Belle makes her way to the forbidden wing of the castle where the Beast keeps his enchanted rose, explosions ensue.

It really was an uncanny parallel to the Doctor. He kept his Rose, well memories of her anyway, hidden away. He refused to even talk about her much, unless he slipped up. And whenever someone got close, he snapped. Not in such tremendous style as the Beast does in the script, but still, enough to know that the subject was a sensitive one, and that by no means should anyone be touching it. 

None of it made any sense to Martha though. John had spend every conceivable minute with Rose, and then something happened, and now he almost couldn't stand to look at her. This shouldn't be this difficult!

 

x13x


	21. Clueless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't like this chapter. I changed a lot of it as I was editing and I still can't make it sit right with me. But I have to just move on from it or I'll never get through to the next chapter. I've gotten some notes and reviews saying not to apologize, but in this case I think I need to. I honestly hope you guys like it better than I do right now.

Nervous didn't even begin to describe what Rose was feeling as she walked through the hallways of the castle. In a sense it helped her get into her role of Belle, who was going into forbidden territory to satisfy her curiosity about the Beast and his home. 

She had just slipped her guides and was making her way to the Beast's private quarters. The castle was really majestic and she didn't have to pretend to be in awe of the architecture. It even really felt forbidden to Rose, all this made her slip into the character more easily. It didn't make her anxiety about running into John lessen though. 

She knew that John was hidden in the darkness of his chambers. She knew that he was supposed to find her there as she explored and be angry, very angry. Knowing and experiencing it would be two very different situations though. Rose knew she wasn't going to be able to separate John from the Beast, and the impending confrontation had her on edge.

It wouldn't be long now. She had entered his inner sanctum. She turned slowly around as she walked through the room, taking in all of the artifacts strewn about. She stopped when she noticed a picture, torn and tattered, but still hanging, crookedly on the wall. 

With great care, she examined the painting. Rose knew it was a likeness of John without his costume on, meant to have been done before Adam was cursed. The script told her to try to piece the picture together, focusing on his eyes. Rose found herself transfixed by the portrait. Whoever or whatever made it, captured something in John's eyes that pulled at her. She moved closer.

A sound from the crew brought her back to the scene and reminded her that she had yet to 'discover' the rose. Tearing herself away, she approached the small table with the glass encased rose set on top of it. The rose itself would be added through special effects later, right now the glass was empty. She took a a deep breath to calm her nerves, which didn't help much. She knew John was somewhere close behind her, and the deep breath she took allowed her to pull his scent into her. She closed her eyes, briefly losing herself it. 

Steadying herself, she reached out and carefully removed the glass from the table, trying to ensure that she lifted it high enough to allow for the rose effect to be put in undisturbed, and set it down on the floor. Now for the moment of truth, carefully, she reached forward-

John leapt out from behind her with rage in his eyes. She stepped back abruptly and lost her footing. She crashed to the floor and knocked the rose enclosure over. It rolled out of the scene to a stop at JJ's feet.

Someone yelled "Cut!" and the crew moved to reset the scene.

"Are you all right?" John came over to Rose and knelt beside her. He reached out to touch her arm, to help her sit up.

Rose, expecting discomfort at being touched, made to move out of his reach but didn't quite accomplish it. His fingers brushed gently down her arm and her breath whooshed out of her. The feeling caught her by surprise.

"Oh, I'm sorry, are you hurt? Did I hurt you?"

"No I..." She looked into his eyes. The fury had left. Now she saw pain there and something else. Something like... longing... It stole her breath and all other thoughts fled. The world narrowed to him and her, everything else fell away.

"Rose, are you all right?"

Rose jumped at the sound of JJ's voice and nearly missed John's eyes closing with a look something like regret in them. "John?" She called to him as he stood and moved away from her. He didn't turn back, just went back to his 'hiding' place to start the scene again, and if she didn't know better she would swear he was almost brooding.

Rose was frustrated with herself. She was so tied in knots about a possible confrontation with John that it was affecting her ability to perform as Belle. She was quite literally falling all over herself. 

JJ called again to ask if she was hurt, she was still lying on the floor where she had fallen. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just need a mo."

"All right then, everyone take five."

 

x13x

 

John was grateful for the break. He needed to get away from Rose to regain his composure. Being near her was driving him spare, and the fact that she had been spending time with JJ was eating him alive.

He had no right. Absolutely no right to feel the way he did. He practically banished her from his company and now was jealous that she spent time with someone else. But why did it have to be JJ? Why did it have to happen right in front of him?

He had scared her today. Jumping out at her, looking the way he had. He knew that, in a way, he wasn't acting. Some of that rage was real, and really directed at her. Something about her had gotten under his skin, and now that she didn't want anything to do with him, he felt like an addict denied his fix.

But there was a moment. After the taping had ceased, she was on the floor where she had fallen, and the concern he felt for her was so consuming that it broke through his rage and melted him. He was at her side before his brain really registered what had happened. He reached for her, intending to pull her into his arms, but she flinched away from his fingers, her breath leaving her.

He had hurt her again! It was becoming too much to bear. He thought he asked if she was all right, but he couldn't be sure. Emotions were piling themselves on top of each other and things were becoming confused. He was finding it difficult to hide everything that was running through him. Pain, guilt, want, all of it crashing down on him, all centered on her.

And then, JJ's voice called out, breaking him. In that moment, like a flash of lightening, one thing became clear.

He loved Rose Tyler.

He had to escape. He had to run. There was no way he could continue now, not after finally realizing, finally admitting to himself what all of this insanity was. The call for a recess was a godsend.

He practically sprinted from the set, running through Martha in his haste. He barely paused to acknowledge her existence, she yelled at him, calling him a prat and asking what had gotten into him. He ignored her and stayed his course, hoping against hope that he could find some solace in his dressing room. 

 

x13x


	22. Kindergarten Cop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda nervous about posting this one, mostly for the end part of the chapter, let me know what you think.

Rose had twisted her ankle when she fell, and given the past history of this production and ankle injury, JJ had called the day early saying that they would resume the following afternoon. Rose had insisted that she was fine, but he didn't want to take the chance of losing another Belle to ankle problems.

She just wanted to get this scene over with. Actually, Rose wanted to get the whole confrontation with John over with. Why couldn't he just be normal? For that matter, why couldn't she? His affect on her was unreal. She knew when his eyes were on her, could feel the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end. Something seemed to happen to her when he was close to her too. There was a tickle in her head, almost like something was itchy at the back of her brain. If she focused on it, things around her got hazy and she got light headed. The thought of a brain tumor briefly floated through her mind but she dismissed it as hypochondria. She knew that all of this wasn't possible. All just a figment of her imagination, but bloody hell, it was powerful.

She should just put on her 'big girl pants' and go talk to him. Get over the awkwardness of a first conversation after a fight. They had to work together after all. It wasn't right to put it off any longer, it obviously was affecting their working relationship, and this opportunity was too important to Rose to let childish tension mess it up.

With her mind set and her courage up, she went to find John.

 

x13x

 

John hadn't heard that JJ had canceled the rest of the day. After a ten minute stop in his trailer, he made his way back to the set, thinking that the scene would be re-run. As he approached, he saw Rose headed in his direction. As she approached, John's posture changed. He became tense and nervous, his hands twitching and moving to run through his hair, but with the costume on, he knew that he couldn't give in to that particular tick. He settled for slamming his hands into his pockets, which nearly pulled his trousers from his hips. Quickly adjusting them, he realized that his recent illness had caused him to lose weight.

John didn't trust himself to be near Rose right now. His emotions were too raw. Thoughts of JJ touching her, helping her off the floor and pulling her into his arms were waging war against his psyche. His head started to hurt and his body was tingling. He started to turn away, trying to make it look like he had forgotten something in his trailer.

"John!" She called out to him and he paused, briefly, before continuing his escape. Each progressive step caused the pain in his head to intensify. Before he could get much further, he lost his balance, slid to his knees and clutched his head.

"John!" He distantly heard Rose calling his name again. This was the LAST thing he wanted right now. He tried to right himself but failed, the pain in his head making him nauseated and he turned into himself to keep from being sick. Blackness started to descend. He almost welcomed it. It would relieve the torturous pain.

Someone had put a hand on his back. It startled him away from the darkness and reflexively he tried to shy away from the touch. In his current state, he failed. But the touch wasn't what he was expecting. He expected more discomfort, more pain. This touch was soothing, and when the hand began to slowly stroke his back it was calming and a balm to his throbbing head. He let a breath out and relaxed into the touch, uncurling his body, unconsciously turning and trying to position the hand near his head where he wanted it to stroke.

"Are you all right?" It was Rose. Of course it was Rose! Would life never be kind to him? Her voice, her hand, making him better, healing him like he knew he didn't deserve to be healed. He knew he should move away, not burden her further but he was weak and cowardly and wanted the pain to stop. Instead of pulling away, he pulled her into him, holding her body tightly to him, burying his nose in her neck and threading his fingers through her hair.

The shift in position pressed Rose's face to his cheek, the hand that had been on his back snaked up to his neck, catching in the his short hairs there. The other tripped up to the other side of his face, stroking near his temple and catching his sideburn.

At that moment, both fob watches burst open in Martha's pocket and a golden light poured out. 

 

x13x

 

There is was again. The call of salvation. 

The first time it had barely been perceptible, like a candle flickering at the end of its wick, then dying.

It was sickly too, that first time, like the light had been broken, unable to repair.

It mattered little, it would be enough anyway, and probably make it all the easier to take. But its appearance was too brief and they were far too slow. By the time they were close, the scent had been replaced by the odor of humanity.

They had expended far too much energy.

After that the instances were still far too fleeting to locate but it had given them hope that not all was lost, there was still a chance for glorious triumph!

But the light was different.

Then there had been nothing. Time moved relentlessly on, they continued their trudge toward eternal blackness. Soon it would be too late. Soon their strength would falter and even if they could locate their deliverance there would be nothing they could do to claim it.

But now, NOW!

The scent of time was thick and seductive. It called to them, caressed their senses, made them blind with want. The suddenness and power of it robbed them of their consciousness for seconds, crashing through them and calling.

They cursed themselves for succumbing to its eroticism and losing precious moments, time that should have been used to locate it instead of reveling in the slick heat it beaconed with.

Fate was smiling on them for once it seemed, for the signature, the scent, was still there, still robust.

It had changed again. Time's essence was once again different. 

Now the frailty was gone. It was virile and firm. Strong. Irresistible.

Now it wouldn't be easy. Now they would have to fight and victory could not be assured. But now, now they knew where Time was hiding and their bloodlust ran high.

 

x13x


	23. Armageddon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little shorter than usual (I know the chapters aren't very long to begin with) but I really wanted it to end where it did. A big thank you to everyone reading and reviewing! I promise to try to get the next chapter up quickly. I had some kind of writing explosion and wrote a bunch of stuff! It's total garbage at the moment and in serious need of editing but the ideas are there!

The set was always excruciatingly warm because of all the lighting and effects equipment. Martha had noticed that John would sweat profusely in his costume which struck her as odd because she couldn't ever remember seeing the Doctor sweat. Because of this, Martha had taken to leaving her jacket locked in her car while the film was being shot. The walk from the street to the set wasn't terribly long and she just felt safer having the jacket, and the watches, locked up rather than shoved in a corner where anyone could accidentally pick it up, or have the watches fall out. Being that Rose and John would be running scenes together for the next few days, Martha felt reasonably certain that she wouldn't be needing to 'dose them' with the watches.

Martha was heading back to her car, a little lost in herself, and still, if she was going to be honest, more than a little miffed about her whole situation. She was tired of this, but still had about a month left of this nonsense, if her calculations were correct.

Would the watches open on their own when the danger passed? If not, how was she supposed to know when or what to do? The Doctor had said three months, but was that exact or approximate? Earth months? Venusian months? Gallifreyan months? And what was this new complication with Rose doing to the whole plan? Rose had said that something had happened when she got to this universe, whatever that meant. Would that change something? 

She was annoyed at the whole mess. This wasn't what she signed up for when she agreed to travel with the Doctor.

A green ball of flame suddenly streaked across the sky. Martha had barely noticed it, as she was still caught up in her melancholy. It was moving so quickly that Martha, who had just barely broken away from her inner monologue, thought she imagined it. The only thing that really turned her attention to it was that the color was odd. She associated meteors burning up in the atmosphere with a red/orange color.

She was reminded of her time at Uni in the chemistry labs. One assignment in particular called for her to burn different substances and identify them based on the flame color. Thallium came to mind in this instance, which seemed a strange composition for interstellar rock. 

Feeling a bit chuffed at remembering her studies so well, she nearly dismissed the whole event, but it was followed by a roaring sonic boom and a pressure wave that briefly disrupted her balance, and set off car alarms in the vicinity. Steadying herself, Martha decided that because she was a somewhat veteran companion to the Doctor at this point, and, seeing as how he was out of commission, it was her responsibility to get a closer look at whatever had just lit up the sky in such spectacular fashion. 

She hurried over to her car, which of course, didn't have an alarm, but there was a light shining from within. At first Martha thought it was a reflection from the street lamps, or light infiltrating from the other cars with alarms blaring and lights flashing, but once she opened the door, she realized how wrong she was. That's when the real panic set it.

 

x13x

 

A shock ran through both of them, starting at their temples and running through to the tips of their toes. It jolted them apart and, they landed on their arses, in a quite undignified manner. Breathing heavily and staring at each other, they came to realize that a crowd was gathering. Shaking themselves and breaking eye contact, they started to stand.

Rose's compassion, of course, overcame her embarrassment and better judgement, "Are you all right, John?"

For a moment, John almost told the truth, almost told her was was certainly not all right, that he was lost and alone and miserable and in pain. That the only glimmer of hope he'd had in his long, tortured existence was when his life intersected with hers. That the closer he got to her, the closer he wanted to be. That being near her exhilarated and terrified him but that for once in his life he found he wanted to be brave.

Well, that was certainly overly dramatic. Long tortured existence? He was thirty four, not nine hundred and four. He reasoned that it was time to get a grip on himself, even if the rest of his sentiments rang truer than his life span. "Of course I'm all right, I'm always all right."

Hearing that triggered something in Rose. Her guard went back up and she remembered the reason that she was seeking him out in the first place, to clear the air and get over themselves.

Before she could begin that conversation, John started walking away from her, rather briskly. "Hey, hold on mo' we need to talk."

"Can't now, have to get back, we need to re-shoot that scene you blundered." Where the hell did that come from? 

"Oi! That's not fair!"

John stopped and an image of JJ with Rose flashed through his mind. "Oh, excuse me! I just figured you know, you could do your job like the rest of us are expected to! I forgot that you're Rose Tyler, the darling of the production!" He couldn't stop himself. Not with just coming to terms with what he felt for Rose and knowing that JJ was currently in her life. He couldn't control the words coming out of his mouth.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

A voice in the back of his head pleaded with him to stop, to just calm down and behave like an adult, not a lunatic. Reason wasn't his strong suit today, nor any day recently. Before he could even fully process what he was saying, he advanced on her, "Like you don't know! No one holds you accountable! Your scenes are re-shot over and over, you barely know the cues! And it doesn't matter! All they say is 'Rose is brilliant, a natural, she's picked this up so quickly!' You're pretending to be an actress and everyone is letting you perpetuate the fantasy. Now excuse me, but *I* do this for a living, and *I* have to get back to work."

Rose was taken aback for a minute and it allowed John to make a bit of an escape, but she recovered quickly and yelled, "Oi! Arsehole! JJ says we're finished for the day!"

 

x13x


	24. The Lord of the Rings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always liked the fact that John Smith dreamed about his time as the Doctor in Human Nature.

He had started dreaming again. Rose was constantly featured. He was some kind of mad scientist-traveler and Rose was his companion. The places they went, the things they had seen were... incredible... fantastic... yet so shockingly realistic. Almost as if they were memories, not fabrications of his subconscious.

The dreams were clearer now and emotions were coming through. Mostly, he was happy, ecstatic even, but there was an underlying feeling of longing, very similar to what he had been feeling for the Rose he saw everyday. 

On the rare nights he actually slept, he looked forward to his dream adventures. He was embarrassingly excited about the dreams, wanting to know what would become of his dream-self and Rose, and if he would ever try and resolve the excruciating sexual tension that followed them in every endeavor.

The night before his horrendous debut scene with Rose, the dreams changed. 

He had lost her. She fell. He'd never see her again. It was his fault.

He woke up sweating, panting, and in tears. He grabbed at his chest, making sure that the hole he felt when Rose slipped away from him in the dream wasn't physically manifested on his body. The dream left him in impossible pain, so much so that he thought his heart might have been ripped out for real.

There would be no returning to sleep for him. Not only would his body refuse, he didn't want to chance a return to that harrowing world where he would never see Rose again.

It was almost no wonder why the 'rose' scene failed so spectacularly. His jealous rage, coupled with his tormented psyche doomed him from the start. 

Still, he should be more collected.

But no, he had to continue the madness. He had finally figured out what Rose means to him and when faced with her, he loses his mind.

In his defense, it was just too much to process at that moment. He was in pain, vulnerable, and suddenly, in her arms. She was perfect, fit him in every way.

Then there was that jolt. Like he'd been shocked, but stronger, maybe like an electrocution but, somehow pleasant. But it did put enough distance between them for him to come to his senses, or lose them entirely.

The whole incident confused and terrified him. He felt overly exposed and needed to find his feet again. To say it ended badly was an understatement.

John had, after a time, calmed enough to think back on his behavior and realized that he truly was making a fool of himself. He was acting like a child and taking his anger and jealousy out on Rose, who was nothing but kind to him. But he couldn't help it. His whole body throbbed when he thought of her, and searing pain stabbed through his head at the thought of her with JJ. He knew it was ridiculous, in fact, he had never acted this way before in his life. 

Then again, he'd never been in love before, not like this.

And if this is what love was like, he wanted no part of it.

Still, it didn't excuse his rudeness and insensitivity. He needed to make an effort to talk to her like a human, apologize, and make sure that they could get through this film together without going off the deep end and giving her more of a reason to inflict bodily harm to him.

The only hope he had was being relatively certain that Rose would find it in her heart to forgive his transgressions. She was understanding, almost to a fault, and he could grovel with the best of them, as long as he kept his heart (and thoughts of her with JJ) out of it.

 

x13x

 

Martha threw open the door to her car and wrestled her jacket from where it was slung over the head rest, all the while trying to douse the golden light pouring from the inside pocket. Her haste was making her clumsy and her hand missed the opening for the pocket three times before she was finally able to thrust it inside and pull out both watches which had been spewing glittering light for God only knew how long.

This was a disaster! 

Martha had a sinking feeling in her stomach that the game was truly up at this point. The watches being open would be like a matadore's red cape waving at an enraged bull. It just wasn't possible that this had gone unnoticed by the Family.

Defeated, Martha slid down the side of her car, clutching the watches to her chest. The weight of her responsibility was pressing down on her so she could hardly breathe. It was all up to her now. The Family would be closing in soon. She would have to be even more vigilant. She'd carry the watches with her at all times, and be on her guard. She wasn't sure what she should be looking for, but anything suspicious was cause for alarm.

She felt exposed, being out on the street with what was essentially the life forces of two people in her hands. She jumped to her feet and dove into her car, closing the doors and locking them. Fear coursed through her and she started to panic.

"Get a hold of yourself now." She looked into the rear view mirror, staring into her own eyes, willing herself to calm and catch her breath. She couldn't fail now. The Doctor trusted her to keep him safe. With that thought, her eyes opened even wider, "The Doctor!" she had no idea where he was, if he was all right. She had to go find him now! She had to know for sure that he was still safely locked away as John Smith. What about Rose? Was she all right? Who would the Family target first? Who was more valuable to them?

So many questions, so many fears, with so few solutions. If she stood still much longer the fear would paralyze her indefinitely and the Family would surely win. She had to act!

JJ had given everyone the rest of the day off. She had to go and find the Doctor and Rose, and then... well.. and then... she'd bloody well figure that out once she found them!

x13x


	25. When Harry Met Sally

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually wrote this one quickly. Editing was another matter... But, becuse the last chapter was so short, I thought i'd post this one early. I don't want to give it away, but it seems like my muse has decided to give Rose and John a break. I hope it lasts!

John was waiting outside of Rose's trailer when she arrived on set the next day. He looked nervous, and she couldn't help but think that he deserved that discomfort. She had just about resolved herself to ignore him, maybe even 'accidentally' push him as she walked by, but as she drew nearer she found that she just couldn't be that mean. He already looked like a kicked puppy, and she was never one for animal cruelty.

"I'm sorry." He mumbled it, looking down at his shoes.

Stunned, Rose froze, "Excuse me? What did you just say?" She was almost certain she hadn't heard him correctly.

He huffed, blowing his hair out of his face, and looked up, finally. "I..." And then he too, froze. "What is it about you?..." He trailed off.

Rose began to take offense, she was sick of getting blamed for his dysfunction. "Look, I don't know what your problem with me is. God knows I've tried to figure you out. I've tried to be your friend, I've tried to not be your friend, I've even tried avoiding you. We have to work together! You were quick to tell me all about how you're the professional here, so bloody start acting like it!"

With that she did try to push past him, needing the violence to release the tension that he always seemed to stir in her.

He caught her shoulder as she bumped into him. "Rose wait."

"Let me go."

"Please, just hear me out."

"We have to get started, we don't have time to argue right now."

His shoulders sagged, "I don't want to argue, not anymore. I'm done fighting." As he said it, he realized he was talking about no longer fighting his feelings for Rose. Something inside him loosened, and suddenly he felt like he was more in control, more calm, more focused. It didn't occur to him until that moment just how much energy it took to fight what he felt.

Rose had stopped trying to get past him so he took it as sign to continue. "Look, I know I've been impossible, and I'm so sorry. I wish I had a good explanation but I don't." He paused, but she didn't try to interrupt or make any move to stop him. "You're right, we have to work together, but I'd like to try to do that as friends."

"You said we weren't friends."

He closed his eyes at that, mentally kicking himself for being an idiot. "I know, and that was me being an arse." He looked for a reaction from her and thought he caught her almost smiling. It gave him hope. "What do you say Rose Tyler, will you be my friend?"

"John, I-"

"Thank goodness you're both here!" Martha shouted as she ran toward them. By the time Martha had straightened herself out the day before, both John and Rose had left for the day. She had decided to continue to protect the watches for the night, rather than try and seek out Rose and John.

"Hi Martha," Rose shifted her attention from John at Martha's exclamation. Taking in her haggard appearance, she began to worry. "Is everything all right?"

Martha didn't really know how to respond. On the one hand, NO, EVERYTHING WAS NOT ALL RIGHT! But on the other, she couldn't exactly explain it without sounding completely bonkers. So she hesitated, catching her breath as she thought of what to say. As she panted, she noticed that John seemed tense.

"Am I interrupting something?"

John hadn't realized he'd been holding his breath, waiting for Rose to respond. He had seized up a bit and was slightly red. Expelling a breath, he tried for nonchalance, "Yes... No! Not really, no. Well, sort of yes, but no. I just... I just asked Rose to... well.. I asked her... a question... Yes! Rose and I were having a conversation and I asked her a question."

Martha shook her head slightly and looked at him like he had three heads.

John didn't care though, because Rose was smiling THAT smile at him.

Martha realized that the pendulum that was John and Rose's relationship had swung back to more friendly terms.

And once again, Martha was invisible. Sighing to herself, mostly because she knew they wouldn't notice, she walked back to the set, consoling herself with the fact that she had found them, and that they were safe.

John was still staring at Rose, a smile tugging at his own lips. Feeling brave, he glanced down to her hand and, before he could think better of it, laced his fingers through hers. Still looking at their entwined hands, he softly asked, "So, what do you say?"

She waited for him to bring his eyes to her again. Wanting to try to make sure he was being sincere. She knew he could probably fool her easily, but she needed to try to detect the truth. When he finally raised his gaze to hers, it was open and vulnerable, scared, but hopeful.

"Come on Rose, you're killing me here." He tried to laugh the tension off a bit, but failed.

"Okay." She had barely whispered.

"Okay?" He questioned, smiling more.

Rose bit her lip and nodded, slowly and deliberately.

John let out a sharp bark of a laugh before grabbing Rose in a tight hug, lifting her off the ground and swinging her around.

The air being squeezed out of her lungs caused Rose to squeak which snapped John into realizing what he was doing. He froze, still holding her off the ground, waiting for her to push him away. She didn't.

"Well, I guess this proves that we'll be able to do the turns in our waltz this afternoon!" Rose said brightly.

Disbelieving, John set her down carefully, and pulled back a bit, not enough to actually release her, but enough to see her face, which was still grinning that tongue touched, Rose Tyler, smile. He smiled back, impossibly wide and full of teeth.

x13x


	26. The Wedding Planner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't going to post another chapter this week, but I managed to finish this one and I think I might actually like it. Except for the last bit, that I'm not so fond of. I'm actually scared to say I kinda like it because it almost feels wrong. I guess I'm just used to beating myself up.
> 
> Lastly, this one is dedicated to DrCaitlinSnow's "feels."

Just a few days ago, at their last lessons, they'd been individually awful, so much so that there was consideration to film another couple dancing and plant John and Rose's faces on them afterward. They were so awkward individually, and with professional partners, that their instructor, Gene, hadn't felt confident enough to have them dance together yet.

JJ had insisted that they should at least be given a chance to do the scene, and if it was as horrendous as the choreographer predicted, well, then they would take some images of Rose and John in a few holds and use them later, as special effects.

"I know what you said JJ, but I'm telling you again, I've never seen two people with less grace on a dance floor." Gene's frustration was clearly evident. "Rose is decidedly better than John, but it's still not right. I've tried everything but they don't loosen up. I've seen robots with better rhythm!"

"No one is going to blame you, Gene. We all know how talented you are." JJ tried to coddle. "I just want to see them together, I don't care how God-awful it looks." He then addressed the rest of the crew, "All right everyone, let's just do it once without the film. I just want the scene blocked and a dry run."

John and Rose walked in from opposite ends of the room, both being followed by costume and makeup personnel, still fussing over them.

"Rose! John!" JJ called out, "We're going to just try it dry for now. Just go through the steps, no pressure, nice and easy and we'll take it from there."

They nodded their agreement back to JJ and moved to the middle of the room. The music started and Gene covered his eyes, bracing himself for the worst.

After 30 seconds or so, Gene heard JJ mumble "Well, would you look at that!"

Gene looked up and his jaw dropped. There was no way that this was possible. It just couldn't be.

 

x13x

 

John was nervous. 

Today he had to actually dance with Rose for the first time. They'd never even rehearsed it together before! But the schedule for the movie was running short. They had just gotten a call from their backers and were told that the schedule had to be pushed up. They wanted an earlier release than originally expected. Something about the timing being 'wibbly-wobbly,' whatever that meant.

At least he had spoken to Rose earlier and tried to clear the air. She agreed to be his friend. That made him warm inside and had kept a smile on his face for most of the morning.

It wasn't a cure-all for him though. He didn't dance. Never did. Not for a role or in real life. And for good reason. He was terrible at it. He was awkward and geeky, and couldn't control his gangly long limbs. Most days he was just relieved he could walk without tripping over himself.

The moment of truth quickly approached and before he was ready, he found himself in costume and staring, gob smacked, at Rose in her dress. She took his breath from him and his nerves doubled in intensity. He was going to look like a fool. Well, more of a fool.

"Are you all right?" Rose asked him as they met in the center of the room. 

"I'm always all..." His voice died on him. He felt compelled to be honest with her. His normal mode of operation had only resulted in alienating her and he was done with that. She may not ever be his, as an image of her and JJ flitted through his mind, but he had decided that he was done hiding from her. "No, I'm not. I'm nervous."

She smiled at him affectionately, "Come on, it will be all right, just two friends here. Besides, the world doesn't end 'cos the Doctor dances."

John was stunned for a moment, something about what she said was hauntingly familiar, like something from a past life. Before he could analyze it too closely, music started playing and Rose stepped closer to him.

His arms fixed themselves on her, holding her in a way that he had rehearsed before with others but never felt entirely comfortable with. Not like he did now. Now he could understand what people meant when they talked about finding the right partner.

It was over before he knew it. The music had swelled and ended and they stood, staring at each other and panting. If anyone had asked, he would be hard pressed to say whether he had just danced a waltz, spontaneously taken flight, or made mad passionate love. At that moment he felt like his skin was the only thing keeping him from flying everywhere at once.

He was jolted from this feeling by the sudden impact of Gene hurtling himself into him and Rose. It effectively killed his euphoria.

"You're incredible!" Gene was gushing. "I am a genius! I knew it would be marvelous! It had to be!"

John and Rose disentangled themselves from Gene's grasp, as the man continued to gush, now nearly in tears.

John turned to Rose a little sheepishly and made to shove his hands in his pockets. "No, don't do that!" She grabbed his hands before he could find his pockets, "You'll rip..." Her voice trailed off, he barely noticed. He was too caught up in the tingling that passed through him when he touched her. 

JJ clapped them both on the back and moved to walk between them, steering them back to the middle of the room. "That was really great guys!"

John tuned out after that. His body was reeling a bit from the roller coaster of sensations that were wracking him. Rose's touch always seemed to soothe him, being able to hold her while they danced was almost unreal, but then getting attacked by Gene, then Rose grabbing his hands, only to be followed by JJ weaseling in between and separating them was beginning to make his head hurt from the whiplash effects. In a bit of a daze, he allowed JJ to walk and talk, barely acknowledging what he said, and only just restraining himself from physically removing the rodent's paws from Rose.

 

x13x

 

Filming that day had been an unexpected triumph and Rose was shocked by the total reversal of what she expected the outcome to be. 

She never in her wildest dreams expected to actually enjoy dancing with John. And enjoy was a complete understatement for what she felt. But still, she was almost disappointed at the day, which made absolutely no sense at all. Today was a success! There was no reason for her to be upset in the least. In fact, thinking back on it, she realized just how badly it could have gone, and just how well it went, after, of course, they decided to be friends.

JJ had walked them back to the starting point of the dance, exclaiming loudly just how impressed he was with the waltz. He, inevitably, had a few corrections and suggestions, which Gene took offense to, but then shouted out orders to immediately re-cue the music and start filming.

Rose had barely caught her breath and was certainly more than a little off balance after the dance she and John just shared. It had come off as effortless and she found that throughout she wasn't concentrating at all on the step or the music, but just looking into John's eyes and the feel of being in his arms.

Now that it was over and reality was setting in, she felt herself blush, embarrassed again by her strong reactions to John. Looking over, she saw that he looked detached, almost like his mind was elsewhere. This only served to remind her once again that he was a great actor and just playing a role. She felt even more self conscious now, after realizing how much he could effect her.

She came to her starting point and John turned to face her. He directed a wide beaming smile at her. "That was fun! What do you say we do it again?" 

She couldn't help but laugh. Relief poured out of her at his joke. The music started again and away they went.

The scene finished with the Beast showing Belle her father and confirming that she was no longer his prisoner and therefore granting her freedom. A freedom she no longer really wanted.

John and Rose had wrapped at that point for the day. They parted with a congratulatory hug for a job well done, and if Rose didn't really want to let him go, it was just because she was relieved that it was over and had gone well.

Now Rose, at home, was surprised at herself for any malaise at all. She just couldn't shake the aching feeling inside herself. Like she was empty, or missing something. But that was ridiculous. She was just still recovering from being sick... and the events of the day were taxing... and she wasn't used to dancing. That thought made her blush but she wasn't sure why.

She certainly wasn't lonely. No! Not at all. There was no reason that she should be looking for company, she had spent practically the whole day with him. Him? The cast, she meant the cast, who were now her friends.

Oh who was she kidding? She missed John. Just like she always did. But before today she could get her anger up at him because he more than likely was a complete twat to her. But today he apologized and they agreed to be friends.

And now her crush was back with a vengeance and instead of having the armour of his idiocy, she was only furthering her suffering by remembering what it was like to be in his arms.

Just then her doorbell rang.

x13x


	27. Just Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bear with me. Another chapter that I'm a little, I don't know, disappointed by? Embarrassed by? There's just something about it that when I re-read it, it makes me want to hide my face.

The scent was stronger here. The Time Lord must be close. It was time to use these piteous creatures to further their cause. Humans, as they were referred to, resembled the Time Lord in features, but weren't nearly as powerful, or tempting.

Still, a few of them would be useful. Especially those in this area. They seemed to have recently had contact with the Time Lord. His fragrance lingered here. It was unfortunate that accessing the memories of those selected to host them wouldn't be possible. These weak humans couldn't hold on to their consciousness long enough when infiltrated in this way. It was a shame though, it could have helped to locate the one referred to as the Doctor.

Nonetheless, it was more than past time to choose a host. Time was running short and the trail of the Doctor was becoming weaker. It was now or never.

There were many in this area touched by time. He must have entangled himself in their lives here. But there was something else. It could be called a distraction but it was bolder than that. It was even more elusive than the Time Lord himself. But that made it all the more enticing. No, something took great care with this. To keep this even more hidden than the Doctor.

This scent was divine! It promised more than immortality! It promised omnipotence!

The Time Lord was now the distraction. This new essence made them howl.

 

x13x

 

There was just no way he was going to be able to sit still. Adrenaline, which should have left his system long ago, was merrily coursing its way through his veins, keeping him twitching and bouncing around his flat. His mind was going everywhere at once, like it was seeking something it couldn't find, begging to be let out to look, but confined by the barrier of his skull.

Can one's mind escape their body? Can it want to? If it did, could it break out? Where would it go?

Of course, if this unlikely chain of events ever managed to transpire, he was pretty sure he'd know where to find his mind.

He needed to get out. Needed air. The flat was stifling, he had no room to stretch and just breathe. A walk would do nicely now. Maybe even a run. Get rid of that excess energy that continued to plague him.

He wished he could say he was surprised when he found himself in front of Rose's flat, hand at the bell, poised to push it. His treacherous body seemed to be in league with his renegade mind, neither of which was succumbing to his flagging self control. What was he doing? He'd only be a bother to her. Besides, he'd see her tomorrow. 

Turning reluctantly away from her door, but feeling some pride in reasserting dominance over himself, he walked about fifteen steps before he realized that they wouldn't be shooting together again for at least another two days, and since she no longer had the time to address his costume and makeup, they wouldn't see each other at all before then. His shoulders slumped at that thought. He would just have to stop by while she was shooting tomorrow. Or he could pop into her makeup trailer. Maybe they could go over a scene.

That was a brilliant plan! He always performed better after having read throughs with her. And she really hadn't had much of a chance to read as Belle with him once she got the part. He could help her, after all, they were friends now, and that's what friends did, they helped each other.

Then another thought occurred to him. He was already there, they could run some scenes now! He made an abrupt about face and practically ran back to the door of her flat, ringing the bell before his feet came to a stop.

In the few seconds to near minute it took for Rose to open the door, full fledged panic raced through John. Would she be home? Would she want to see him? Was she tired after the day? Was she just tired of him? Was she alone? Could she be entertaining someone? That though stopped him cold. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. Should he just leave? Turn and run?

When the door opened and Rose peeked out the anxiety left him and he couldn't help the smile that came to his face. She was surprised to see him, but didn't seem disappointed. 

"Oh, hello!" She smile at him. "What brings you here?"

"Well, I was in the neighborhood..."

She tilted her head a bit, looking somewhat disbelievingly at him, "You were?"

"Well, sort of, yes." He blew a breath out, and before he could stop himself, just blurted out the truth. "I'm here because I just couldn't stay at home anymore. Too much energy, had to go for a walk, and without really intending, I just ended up here. Then I thought that maybe you'd want... Maybe we could... well..." At that point, his brain caught up to his mouth and he started running his hands through his hair and tugging on it, obviously thinking he had said too much.

Rose had an impulse of her own and reached up, grabbed his hands out of his hair and laced her fingers with them, effectively thwarting his attempt to scalp himself and gaining his full attention. "What did you want to do?"

"Well, this is nice." He looked down at their clasped hands.

Rose blushed and giggled. "Okay, but maybe we should move it out of the doorway, yeah?" She blushed further as her comment hit her ears, realizing the unintended innuendo. Before she could further bury herself she continued, "Let me just grab my hoodie and we'll continue your walk."

Before she slipped back into her flat, John tugged on their still joined hands, "Actually, I was wondering if you'd mind running some lines with me, you know, like we used to."

John suddenly felt a wave of disappointment. Bewildered by the sensation, he almost didn't catch the smile slipping from Rose's face.

"Uh, sure."

John quickly stammered out, "Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry, I'm rubbish at this. We don't have to... I mean... Ugh! I'll just go now." Reluctantly he dropped first one of her hands and then the other.

"You don't have to go, we can rehearse."

"But you don't want to, I can tell. It was a dumb idea, it was all I could think of to... I just wanted..." He paused, then seemed to come so a sort of decision, "Look, I just... today was fun, and when we used to spend time together running lines, well, that was fun too... and I just... well, I just thought that, now that we're friends again, that we could, I don't know. Like I said, it was dumb." 

"I had fun today too."

He stopped. Stopped everything, stopped fidgeting, stopped babbling, stopped even breathing. She had fun today too! This could be the turning point. Maybe there was hope for him yet. Deciding to go for broke, he pressed on, "I missed you when we weren't friends and I don't know, I just didn't want today to end, you know, just in case tomorrow you come to your senses and realize what a prat I am."

He took her hand again, "We don't have to run lines. I just wanted to spend more time with you, and I guess I figured, after everything else, I needed an excuse." Happiness and something like relief flooded his system. It was an odd sensation because it somehow seemed foreign, not entirely appropriate for having just opened himself up for rejection.

"You know, rehearsing a little would probably be good for me. I haven't really had the chance to go over every scene as Belle and I could use the practice, as someone once pointed out." She smiled at him through the barb but he still recoiled at it.

"Please don't remind me of that day. It's not my proudest moment."

She immediately regretted bringing it up, she could nearly feel his regret, it was pouring off of him and easily detected from his posture, "I'm sorry John, I shouldn't have-"

"No, you don't ever need to apologize to me. After the way I acted, I'm grateful you even still talk to me."

"How about we just put it all behind us and start over? A blank slate."

As tempting as that offer was, John found that he didn't want to start over. Sure he'd like for their fight to never have happened, but he wanted to move forward with Rose, not backward.

Before he could voice the sentiment, she retracted, "No, not a blank slate. Let's just agree to move forward. No point in going back."

He smiled and nodded and briefly entertained the notion that she was a mind reader, but dismissed that as ridiculous and promptly concluded that she was just very good at reading him. "So, in the interest of moving forward, how about a nice walk to get some nibbles, and then maybe we could read through a few scenes."

"That sounds like a fantastic idea." Rose smiled, "I say we get chips, and you're buying!"

"Your wish is my command."

 

x13x


	28. Some Kind of Wonderful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now I have a problem. I'm blocked! The transition from the end of this chapter is bothering me. After I edited this, I basically stared at the tablet for an hour, then wrote a paragraph, erased it, wrote something else, deleted that, and now I'm staring again. I think I know where I'm headed, I just can't seem to get there from the end of this chapter! :::FRUSTRATED:::

To Martha's relief and consternation, John and Rose slipped right back into the relationship they shared before their disagreement. Once again they were inseparable, so much so that she began to wonder why they bothered with separate trailers when they were at work. This made it easier to keep tabs on them, but it also annoyed Martha to no end. 

The production was proceeding swimmingly. For the first time since this whole debacle started, Martha actually began considering the fact that the Doctor might actually be forever a part of mankind's cinematic history. She nearly laughed at loud at that thought, more because of the reaction the Doctor was sure to have once this was all over.

Speaking of over, Martha wondered what would be in store once this wrapped. Would the TARDIS come up with another role? Would enough time had passed that the Family were no longer a threat? Would Rose get sick of John and leave him, heartbroken and lonely, seeking Martha for comfort? A girl could dream couldn't she?

The Family, of course, was a very real variable. It had been two weeks since the strange green meteor sighting. Two weeks since the watches seemed to spontaneously open, practically begging for the Family to find them. But as of yet, no danger seemed imminent. Martha knew better than to drop her guard, but she was beginning to have hope that they might all come out of this adventure unscathed. For once, everyone would live.

The only aberration, if one could call it that, was Joan. She started appearing on set over the last week. She explained that she wanted to see how everything was turning out, which was normal enough, but as time wore on, Joan acted more and more strangely. Martha chalked it up to a reaction to the meds she must be on. She had a cast on her injured leg, which must be causing her some pain. She hobbled in a funny way and her mannerisms were odd. But the strangest of all was the way she seemed to sniff continuously.

She seemed to always be following Martha around too. She was probably looking for a new agent. Joan wasn't totally green, but John Smith's name was written in star light. Working with his agent was bound to open up possibilities. Poor thing had no way of knowing that this was all a ruse. Martha actually felt a little badly for her.

She was concerned for her health too, and would have asked to see her prescriptions, maybe suggested a different type of therapy, but Martha was posing as an agent, and would probably arouse suspicion if she suddenly developed a working knowledge of medicine. Besides, Joan was harmless. Her leg would heal eventually, and with that she'd go back to normal.

 

x13x

 

Filming itself would be over soon. There were only a few scenes actually left to be shot. Then it would be months of cutting and special effects editing, and then, finally, release. Overall, Rose was really enjoying herself. She fell into the role effortlessly, worked hard, stayed late, arrived early, and none of it felt like a job. She also really liked John, well, more than liked John. Since starting over, but not starting over, they really got close, really became friends. If anyone had asked, she'd probably say he was her best mate. She felt like she could tell him anything. Well, almost anything.

Rose had a secret.

She was having distinctly unfriendly thoughts toward John.

It was more than that though. She was falling in love with him.

This love was different than the childish feelings she had for Jimmy Stone. Looking back now she doesn't understand how she could have ever thought that what she felt then was love. It was rebellion and lust and opportunity and excitement. 

This was an almost all consuming need and a knowledge that she was just better at being herself when she was with him. It was confidence and support. Belonging. And yeah, okay, a healthy does of hunger for him.

But she couldn't, wouldn't act on those feelings. Their friendship was too important to her to risk on the chance of more. This would be enough for her. It would have to be.

Besides, he never gave any indication that he felt even remotely the same way. And given his well known aversion to anything even casually romantic, Rose just figured she'd suffer along in silence and be his best friend.

This was all well and good except that the last scene they were going to film together was the kiss.

There was just no way Rose was going to be able to handle it.

It wasn't the kiss itself, that wasn't a problem. In fact, she was quite sure it would be completely believable. She wouldn't be acting after all. The issue was that he would be.

And, of course, it wouldn't be just one kiss. Nothing in the movies ever happened just once.

There would be take after take of looking into his eyes as he slowly dropped his lips to hers. This would be Belle's first kiss, the first physical touch of love to her body. She'd be shy. Scared, yet excited. He'd tentatively press against her mouth, waiting for her to open for him. Should would, slowly, after the urge to meld into him became too strong. Relief would wash over her as they finally, finally, came together. He'd pull her closer to him, pressing her into his body, too overwhelmed to think about how his grip could be too tight.

Even thinking about it made her flush.

How many times would they have to repeat it? How many times before he figured out her secret? 

It was going to destroy her. 

She was starting to be nervous and jittery around John and it didn't go unnoticed.

"What's bothering you, Rose?" He was concerned for her.

"Bothering me? Oh, nothing.... I'm all right." She winced a little at her choice of words.

John looked a little hurt, "Come on Rose, I know you. I can tell when something is wrong. We're friends, good friends, you can talk to me about anything. You know that!"

'Not about this,' she thought, almost praying she didn't say it out loud. Lately it was as if John could read her mind, keeping things to herself was becoming more and more difficult. Most of the time she liked the intimacy of it. He understood her implicitly and it was comforting, but in this case, she almost resented his perception. She had to tell him something though.

"I guess I'm just nervous about shooting the last scenes." There, not far from the truth, but not the whole of it either. She looked up at him and he seemed to be satisfied with her explanation.

He slung his arm around her shoulders, "It's understandable. It is a new experience for you, but the hard stuff is done. You know your lines, you know the cues." Her anxiety flowed over him, she was tense, which was uncommon for her. He moved to stand in front of her and put his hands on her shoulders. "Hey, it's going to be fine. I'm going to be right there with you."

She looked up at him and into his eyes, desperately trying not to give herself away. "I know, and I'm glad."

 

x13x


	29. Win a Date with Tad Hamilton

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> UGH! This chapter took forever! The ideas just would not come. I just wanted to skip ahead to the next part of the story. I won't say it's terrible (people seem to get mad when I abuse myself) but it felt slow to me and if it wasn't necessary to get to the next chapter, I'd rather have left it out entirely.
> 
> Before I wrote this I never really noticed the similarity between Ten being shot by the Dalek (in The Stolen Earth) and the Beast being hurt by Gaston. Does this ring true to anyone else? Maybe it's just me. I do tend to see Doctor Who in everything.
> 
> Also, I've borrowed a few lines here (well, more than a few). Obviously, anything you recognize is clearly not mine. I know I should have mentioned this before, but a more than passing knowledge of Beauty and the Beast is probably necessary to this story.

"You... you came back." The Beast struggled to say. He was mortally wounded, lying on the floor is his castle, but couldn't remember being happier in his life.

"Of course I came back." I couldn't let them..." Belle was kneeling over him, holding his hand to her heart. "Oh this is all my fault. If only I had gotten here sooner." Tears leaked down her face.

"Maybe... Maybe... it's better... it's better this way." His eyes closed, pain marred his features.

"Don't talk like that." She sniffled and tried to force a smile. "You'll be all right. We're together now, everything's going to be fine, you'll see. " She held his hand tighter, willing it to be true.

"At least... I got to see you... one last time." The Beast exhaled and was still.

"No! No! Please!" Belle crumpled over the Beast, draping her herself over his chest, and sobbed, "Please don't leave me... I love you."

John's breath caught in his chest and he couldn't help feeling just for the moment, a hint of jealousy for the Beast. What he wouldn't give for Rose to say that to him.

Rose stiffened.

"And cut!" JJ called from the side. 

Rose was still crying when she lifted herself off of John. Without even thinking about it, he pulled her into his arms and gently stroked her back. Trying to help her to calm. "You're brilliant Rose." He whispered to her. "It's all right now, I've got you."

She kept her head buried in his chest, taking deep breaths, trying to get control of herself. It somehow occurred to her that she was sniffling into his costume and abruptly, she made to move away from him. I'm sorry! Oh my goodness," she sniffled, "I'll ruin the costume."

John chuckled slightly, "I don't think that's a problem. That was my last scene in it, and I don't think we'll be needing another go at it." He pulled her back into a hug, tucking her head under his chin.

Rose relaxed into him and soon her breaths became more regular as she calmed down. She pulled away from him finally and stood, looking everywhere but at him.

"What is it Rose?"

Before she could respond, JJ walked over and told Rose she was done for the day. John would be shooting the transformation scene now. Which mainly consisted of him standing in different positions. The effects would be put in later.

"I'm going to go change. Do you want to meet up for dinner again? We could do the last few scenes." She looked nervous again and John was dying to know why.

"Sure, I'll meet you at your flat after I'm done. I'll bring food."

 

x13x

 

Rose had been acting strangely. She was nervous and tense around him and John couldn't understand why. He tried thinking back on their interactions over the last few weeks and he couldn't help but smile. He'd couldn't remember a time when he'd been happier. The anxiety she was displaying didn't make sense.

But, something was obviously bothering her. And John, ever the pessimist, tried to figure out what he’d done wrong that would cause Rose to react as she was. 

They were together more often than not, he had opened up to her like no one else. She was his best friend, and as much as he wanted to have so much more with her, he was deathly afraid of making a wrong move and losing her altogether. But that was the only thing he held back. Otherwise he was an open book to Rose Tyler

The fact that she was becoming uncomfortable was really bothering him and he needed to understand why. The only anomaly, the only difference, the only thing out of the ordinary, the only explanation that kept flitting into his mind that could possibly be causing her unease with him was their impeding kiss.

He had been unsuccessfully trying NOT to think about that for DAYS.

He wanted it. So badly that he could easily focus on it to the exclusion of all else. And now that it was impending, it was all he could do to not insist on practicing it over and over again when they read through lines before and after filming.

This was light years from where he thought he'd be when this project began. 

Looking back now, he felt like he was a totally different person. Maybe he was. The old him would never let anyone close, and couldn't even pretend to care. Now, he was arse over teakettle in love (granted he could never say anything, which was a different type of torture entirely) and willing to let someone in. Rose had changed him that much.

As John thought about why it was bothering her, obsessed over it even, he came to one plausible conclusion: Not only did Rose Tyler only see him as a friend, she was obviously involved with JJ and couldn't stand the thought of kissing someone else in front of him.

That shot pain through John.

He knew... he assumed... he thought... Well, JJ hung all over her! Always singing her praises, always looking for her, always asking her opinion, always getting her attention. John just knew he and Rose were a couple, and that was killing him.

And who could blame JJ? Rose was beautiful and incandescent and kind and compassionate and... and... and the English language just didn't have the right words to describe her. John would give just about anything to have a chance to really be with her.

Anything except her happiness. He'd never want to sacrifice her happiness for his.

He was really in deep.

He had to do something to make Rose more comfortable. He couldn’t stand the thought of her suffering. He'd offer to talk to JJ and ask him to make the kiss more chaste. The way it was written made his toes curl a bit. Not that it was lewd, it was passionate, a consummation of sorts, at long last.

Rose probably knew she wouldn't be able to make it convincing. What if it wasn't just about JJ? What if she saw him as an older brother of sorts? Or worse, a father figure...

That thought made him sick.

He was due to meet with Rose. He'd just grabbed dinner (curry this time, instead of their usual fish and chips), and would be heading to her flat. They'd just have to talk this through. They were friends. They'd run the scene, practice the kiss (he tingled at the thought of it) and come out the other side.

 

x13x


	30. The Matrix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After getting through the last chapter and my (thankfully short lived) writer’s block, I thought I would post this one early (and maybe even be able to post another this week). This is my longest chapter and I’d like to dedicate it to everyone who has reviewed, commented and encouraged me in any way, but most especially to ChiefDoctor and DrCaitlinSnow, for not only staying with me and cheering me on, but also for always commenting. I can’t tell you how much it’s helped. I hope you like it!
> 
> I've borrowed more lines here… so, as usual, anything you recognize is obviously not mine!

"I am sure of it, the Time Lord is here."

"How can you be certain? If you are wrong we will not have enough time left to track him."

"The scent is strong here."

"Yes, but you haven't been able to pinpoint the Doctor. In fact, the reason you chose to take on your current form was because of the scent around it. You were wrong before, we cannot afford to be wrong again."

"The scent was strong around this one. And you know yourself that the scent has been changing! We need to act now! This feeble human body is nothing but a burden! It was injured before and now is decaying too rapidly. Everything about it is a trial."

"We need more information. Have you discovered anything else?"

"The one they refer to as the 'Agent' is of note. Her scent is unlike the others."

"Are you suggesting *she* is the Time Lord?"

"No, I'm almost certain she is not, she reeks of humanity too much. But she may be close to him. May have information that would lead us to him."

"Very well. I will take the one in charge and use him to question her."

"What of us, Father of Mine?"

"Wife of Mine believes the Time Lord to be close, we must all take hosts and find him. We have very little time left."

"I will take the one called 'Martha'"

"No, Daughter of Mine! The information she holds is too vital to our search and our methods of inhabiting would not preserve her memories. No, we must not use her."

"Then who shall be our stewards?"

"Wife of Mine knows those close to the Agent, she will identify who is to be chosen."

"Very well, Father of Mine."

 

x13x

 

Rose was absently tidying her flat while waiting for John. She started in the small kitchen, washing the few dishes that had accumulated over the last few days. That quickly lost her attention as she once again focused on the remaining scenes in the film. She had to do something more engaging or she'd be obsessing by the time John arrived. 

She moved into her workshop, that was in its usual chaos, and might prove enough of a distraction for the time being. Most of the mess was due to last minute changes to the Beast costume, or repairs from damage during the shoot. She hadn't really had time to neaten up, and really didn't have the inclination. Rose was always a bit of a whirlwind, and even though she lived in what some would consider the perfect state of entropy, she was comfortable and knew where everything she needed was.

As she moved around the room, she was a little amused by the way she was cleaning, in every direction. She had started toward the back, but before she got too far, something on the other side of the room grabbed her attention. Before she spent too much time there, another corner of the space was vying for her consideration. It almost felt like if she got too intent, something would divert her elsewhere.

After picking up yet another spool of fabric, Rose glanced toward the back corner of the room. Something was there. 

It wasn't so much something out of the ordinary as it was a feeling that the room itself was somehow out of place. She approached slowly, trying to figure out what it was that was causing her to sense something off. Other things in the room seemed to call out to her, a spool of thread rolled away from her as she kicked it while stepping, it clattered around before coming to a halt, a sketch of the Beast costume caught her eye, it was an early version, and she should really put that in her portfolio. She stopped, about to go pick up the drawing when she remember that there was something she was investigating.

Just as she took another step, the doorbell rang and, unbeknownst to Rose, the TARDIS breathed a telepathic sigh of relief.

 

x13x

 

Rose opened the door to a smiling John. "How did the rest of the day go?"

"Oh, you know, a lot of standing, reaching, and eventually looking pretty." He waggled his eyebrows at her, she blushed and turned away, walking into the flat.

She was in so much trouble. She knew he was all flirt and no follow through, and still he got to her. This kiss was going to be an epic disaster. There was no way their friendship would survive.

He followed her into her kitchen and set the food down. As Rose started to get cutlery and plates, a thought occurred to John, "Maybe we should eat later? I mean after?"

She stopped, "Uh, sure. Aren't you hungry though?"

"Yes, but, I was just thinking that..." John turned red to his ears as he trailed off.

Rose, noticing his face, looked at him, confused.

"Well, it's just that... the scene... and you know, curry kind of has an effect on breath and all... but if you're hungry we'll eat!"

Now Rose was embarrassed. "Oh right, of course!" 

"Rose," John walked over to her and took her hand. "I know it you've been dreading this, but it's just another scene." He paused, Rose lifted her eyes to his. "We're friends, it will be all right."

That almost made her feel worse.

"If you're worried about what JJ will think, don't. He's been around the industry, he knows it's not real.

"I'm sorry, what?" Rose was confused. What did JJ have to do with this?

"JJ, he's been around acting for a while, he knows that an on screen kiss doesn't mean anything."

"Of course he knows that."

"Right, so you don't have to worry."

"Why would I be worried about what JJ thought?" Was John possibly insinuating that she and JJ were involved?

"Well, because... you know... because..."

She nearly laughed out loud. As it was she could barely keep in the snort that struggled to escape. "John, there is nothing between me and JJ, and the only thing that he will be concerned with when we film this scene is how believable we are.

Something like relief ran through her, but she couldn't figure out why. She didn't think she felt relieved at telling John that she had nothing going on with JJ. In fact, relief was completely out of place because she was still unbearably nervous about having to kiss John. Maybe she did have a brain tumor!

"Oh! Really? That's... that's good... Molto bene..." Catching himself, he continued, "I mean. It's good that there won't be any issues between you then... cause you're not.... with... you're not." He stopped, knowing that continuing would only lead to more awkwardness. "What do you say we just run the scene?"

Rose smiled at him, "All right. Should we begin from the transformation?"

"Sounds good."

Rose turned her back, as was her custom when they began to read scenes. She adopted that only after she gotten the part as Belle. In their earlier run throughs, while she was reading through with John while doing his makeup, she just started. She didn't need the time to slip into character. Now she needed the time to make sure she didn't slip back into Rose during the scene.

She focused on the last scene they filmed, how the Beast had died, the shock and pain. Turning back, as Belle, with tears in her eyes, she began. "Who are you?"

"I'm Adam." He looked a little crestfallen at her question.

Belle shook her head, disbelievingly, "No... Where is he?" Her voice rose, "What have you done to him?"

"You saw me... I... I changed..." Adam pointed slightly to the side, indicating that he had just been lying on the floor. "Right in front of you."

Belle stood, still in shock and confused, "I saw him sort of explode, and then you replaced him, like a... teleport... or a transmat... or a body swap... or something."

Adam, lost for words, didn't know how to explain it himself, let alone to another. Belle stepped toward him and pushed him in the chest.

"You're not fooling..." Rose slipped out of character here, something about this conversation felt familiar.

John noticed her pause and the tension in her face, trying to lighten the mood he smiled, "Did you forget your lines? We could break out the script if you want, write them on your hand, I wont tell!"

It had the desired effect. She smiled back at him but then turned pensive again, "No, I didn't forget. I'm just being silly."

"Silly?"

"Yeah. It's just that something about these lines are familiar." Rose saw John make a face and knew he was about to comment about the fact that they were supposed to be familiar, they were supposed to memorize them after all. "What I mean is that I'm getting a sense of déjà vu. Like I've done this already."

She stood for a minute, waiting for the feeling to go away. She shook herself and decided to accept that it was just due to over-familiarity with the lines, after reading and practicing enough to memorize them. It was entirely plausible, except for the feelings that came along with the words.

"I'm sorry, let's just continue, yeah?"

John nodded, "Sure, where should we start?"

"How about from the push?"

"I knew you were a fan of violence!" He smirked at her, showing that he was only kidding.

She laughed, then turned away, getting into character again.

Belle stepped toward Adam and pushed, "You're not fooling me! Send him back! Send him back right now!"

"Belle, it's me." He leaned forward, trying to catch her eyes, "Honestly, it's me."

She stared in disbelief, wanting it to be true but it just wasn't possible.

"I was dying. I think I did die. But somehow..." Remembrance flashes in his eyes, "You... you saved me... my body changed, but it's still me."

"You can't be."

Adam stepped closer, looking straight into her eyes.

Something about his eyes resonated in her and she smiled slightly, "Adam?" She's tentative, still staring into his eyes.

He closes in, slips his hands to cup her face, he's gentle and slow but brings them closer together, "Hello."

Belle fully smiled, "It is you!" she gasped quietly.

He smiled back.

Her gaze dropped from his eyes to his lips and then back. He moved closer, haltingly, afraid to move too quickly but just as afraid to stop. Their breaths intermingled. It felt like she was breathing in his air, like she existed only for his next breath. He came closer still, but was yet an aching eternity away from her.

Her eyes closed, unable to bear the wait any longer, but just as powerless to end it. She was stuck on the edge of madness, unsure of which way led to insanity, and which led to salvation.

_Rose._

Her eyes flashed open upon hearing her name, then all at once, his lips met hers. So softly, yet with unspeakable emotion. She couldn't help but open to him and move closer, running her hands into his hair and pressing herself against him.

She wasn't playing a part anymore. This wasn't Belle with her prince.

This was Rose Tyler kissing John Smith.

She lost herself to the feeling. She no longer cared how vulnerable, how exposed she was. She just wanted to get closer to him, so close that they’d never have to separate again. This moment, this kiss, this embrace, made her realize that she was walking around with half of herself missing. John Smith completed her.

 _Please mean it._

The words washed over her with such longing, it made her ache. Startled, she pulled away, ripping herself from him. “What did you say?”

He looked disheveled, his hair askew from where her hands had been in it, his eyes glassy and almost unfocused. “Huh?”

“I heard you, I know I did.” She looked at him, trying to figure it out. It didn't make any sense, there was no way he could have spoken, but she heard him.

There was a crash in the front room. “Rose?!? Doctor?!?” They both turned and Martha came barreling in. “Oh thank goodness you’re all right.” She saw them and sagged, resting her hands on her knees. Clasped in her hands were two fob watches. She raised them as she stood again, barely catching her breath, “You've got to open them."

 

x13x


	31. Judgement Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took some liberties here with the Family. I guess I've taken liberties throughout with all of the characters.
> 
> This is a short update but, after the length of the last chapter, I figured you'd forgive me. Besides, I didn't want to combine this chapter with the next.

"Where are you headed?" Joan asked Martha, while pulling in a large breath of air through her nose. She seemed to savour it in a way, like she was hungry and had just walked past a bakery pulling fresh confection out of the oven.

Martha was startled a little. Joan had been popping up around her often, increasingly often, and acting very different. "Actually I was just gonna head home, get some sleep. We're almost done here, I should be finding our next job." She hadn't stopped walking away from Joan, in fact, she tried to pick up speed without letting on that she was trying to distance herself from the woman.

"I'll walk with you to your vehicle." Joan started to move faster, but her leg was obviously not cooperating. She half dragged it behind her. It looked painful and unnatural.

Martha, ever the physician, or at least studying to be, couldn't help but feel badly for Joan. "I don't think that's a good idea, you're leg-"

"Is fine." Joan replied, with some steel behind it.

Martha stopped. "Look, I know why you've been following me." For a moment Joan looked startled. "It's all right, I know you think that because I'm John's agent that I can get roles for you, but really I can't." Martha had been trying to come up with excuses for herself for the past few days. "It's in my contract with John you see, I'm more than his agent, I'm kind of his handler, and we agreed that, for now, I wouldn't work with anyone else." There, she'd said it, and it didn't sound as ridiculous as she's originally predicted.

Joan looked at her confused. Almost like she was speaking a foreign language. Then took another heaping lungful of air and closed her eyes, like she was savouring it. "Ahhh..." Then she stumbled.

"Why don't you sit, Joan." Martha motioned to a prop box in the corner. "I actually have some medical training... it's part of my agreement with John. Let me take a look at your leg." Joan sat, she seemed dazed, but still breathing deeply, Martha thought that perhaps her medicine was making her high. She kneeled in front of Joan and slightly lifted the leg of her trousers, and gasped.

"Oh my God." Martha jumped up and away, pulling out her phone to call for an ambulance. "Joan, you need help, you might lose your foot!"

Joan broke from her stupor at Martha's exclamation. "Have you noticed anyone here that is acting strangely, like they don't belong?" She was unfazed by the condition of her foot and even seemed puzzled by Martha's concern.

Martha nearly responded with 'Yes, you!' But JJ walked in. Feeling relieved at the addition, not only because of Joan's condition but also because she was becoming more and more freaked out by Joan. "JJ! Can you help us? Joan's leg is in a bad way, I think. She need a doctor!"

"Funny you should mention the Doctor, Martha. Do you know where he may be?" JJ's voice seemed strange. His usual inflection was absent, and he too seemed to be relishing every breath he took.

For half an instant, Martha paused, and that hesitation gave her away.

"You see Husband of Mine, she does know where the Time Lord is!" Joan yelled and reached for Martha.

Martha tried to recover as JJ and Joan advanced on her. "I don't know what you're talking about, what doctor? Doctor who?"

JJ, who was not hindered by a leg that was rotting off, quickly grabbed Martha's wrist as she made to move toward the exit. "Come now, my dear, surely the essence of time which so sweetly envelopes you is no mystery. You know of the Time Lord, have seen him quite recently. I do wonder, are you the new entity which beckons us?" He sniffed near her ear, quite loudly and moaned.

Martha flinched, and tried to pull her hand away. ''I have no idea what you're talking about, and let me go!"

JJ seemed to be distracted after his deep inhalation and Martha managed to free herself of his grip. She turned to try to escape the room but JJ simply pulled what looked like some kind of weapon out of his pocket and aimed it at her. "You won't be going anywhere." As she stopped, he pointed the gun at the wall behind her and fired. A green light emanated from the end and impacted the wall, a blast of fire and smoke erupted. When it cleared, a gaping hole remained and the structure itself shuddered. He had made his point.

Martha held herself very still as she turned back to JJ, she tried to surreptitiously put her hands in her pockets to grasp the watches, she had an idea. It was a long shot, but it was the best she'd be able to do right now. "I don't know who you are, or what you've done to JJ, but I don't know anything about this Doctor you're trying to find." She hoped the idea she had would work. She needed to get away from them and find John and get the Doctor back in his body. Time was up, he needed to face the Family.

"Husband of Mine," Joan approached him slowly, walking unnaturally, which made Martha queasy. "Maybe we should allow Daughter of Mine to take her, she may be able to access her mind and retrieve the information we desire of the Time Lord."

Martha definitely didn't want to be taken anywhere. JJ and Joan, or whatever they currently were, closed in on her. Now was her only chance, she just hoped that whatever poured out of the watches once they opened would be enough to at least momentarily stun them. She quickly pulled out both watches and flipped them open.

It was similar to the explosion that came from the gun JJ had pointed at her, and it only became more rampant as the light from each watch met the other. It blew JJ and Joan down and seemed to paralyze them. JJ dropped his weapon as he hit the floor.

Martha wasted no time and just ran from them, sprinting to her car. She hoped against hope that she'd find John and Rose together and that having them open the watches would restore them to who they are.

She thought her best shot would be to go to Rose's flat.

As she drove recklessly down the narrow streets and prayed that she had enough of a jump on the Family. She knew they would follow her, she wasn't sure how or how quickly, but she knew without a doubt that they had run out of time.

 

x13x


	32. Fools Rush In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter came together quickly, probably because I borrowed A LOT from 'The Family of Blood' episode. Anything you recognize is not mine and I promise to put it back when I'm done playing with it.
> 
> Seriously though, I heavily sprinkled dialogue from that episode, some in order, some not, some word for word, some that I've edited a bit for the sake of this story.

"What's going on Martha?" Rose asked, anxiety and embarrassment evident in her voice. 

John was absolutely reeling from the kiss he and Rose had just shared. His emotions were running away with him and he found himself fighting for control. He wanted to pull Rose back into his arms and continue kissing until they both passed out from oxygen depravation. Martha's surprising entrance and her apparent distress weren't penetrating. He was totally blinded by the need to be with Rose, to be closer. Distance was an entity he couldn't stand any longer.

Martha and Rose were saying something, it was important if the urgency he read on Martha's face, and the impressions he was feeling from Rose were any indication, but it was as if someone stuck cotton in his ears, and he was looking through water. He stumbled, his legs were giving out.

"John! Are you okay?" It was Rose's voice.

He opened his eyes and found himself on the floor. Rose was above him, his head rested on her knee, her hands held his. Martha was checking the pulse at his neck.

"I'm fine, yeah. Guess I'm hungrier than I thought. Must have gotten a little faint." Rose made to move to give him room, but he held her hands firmly, even pulled a bit to keep her close to him.

"You need to open these now!" Martha was at the end of her rope. The Family had to be closing in and now John was fainting. Could this be a manifestation of their power? As far as she was concerned, the Doctor's time as John was over.

"My watch?" John looked at Martha, confused.

"It's not just a watch." Martha took a deep breath and decided to go for broke. "Inside is your life force." Ignoring John's incredulous look, she continued, "You hid yourself in here because you're being hunted by a group of bloodthirsty aliens bent on living forever. You're a Time Lord called the Doctor. An alien with two hearts who travels in a spaceship called the TARDIS."

"Martha, are you feeling all right? Did something happen to you on the way here?" Rose asked.

Martha rolled her eyes, "You're hidden too. You're in the other watch."

"This is mental." John whispered, but something about her story seemed familiar. It was unnerving. He didn't want to be this mad man - mad alien. He wanted to be John Smith, a man, a human man, an actor, who was in love with Rose Tyler.

A gleam appeared in Martha's eyes, "I can prove it! Follow me!" She walked into Rose's workspace, John and Rose followed, Rose kept her arms around John, in case he started to get faint again.

Martha went into the corner of the room that had held Rose's attention before. Now Rose was feeling anxious. Something important was there, something that she wanted to find before but was distracted.

Martha pulled the end of a large sheet down and Rose and John both gasped as the TARDIS was revealed. "We're aliens." Rose said. Her grip on John tightened and her knees weakened.

"Not you, you're human... I think... I mean you told me you are when you appeared in the TARDIS." Martha tried to explain but was at the end of her patience.

An explosion sounded outside.

Martha huffed, again remembering that their time was dwindling. "Look, it will all be clear when you open the watches." She hoped it would be clear anyway. "We don't have a lot of time. The Family have taken over JJ and Joan's bodies, I barely escaped. They're looking for you Doctor." She pushed both watches into John's palm. He looked at them disbelieving. "All you have to do is open them and he's back. You're both back."

John looked at Martha, something seemed to dawn on him and anger swirled in his eyes, "You knew this all along and you watched while Rose and I-" He stopped, afraid to continue.

"I didn't know how to stop you. He gave me a list of things to watch out for but that wasn't included." Martha tried to defend herself. Pieces of the Doctor were coming through John now, she was both relieved and terrified by it.

"Falling in love?" Rose gasped as John said it and for a moment John was distracted, he looked at Rose, his expression softening, "That didn't even occur to him?"

Martha looked down, "No."

The fire returned to his eyes as his gaze rested on Martha again. "Then what sort of man is that? And now you expect me to die?"

Finally Martha cracked, "It was going to end though! The Doctor said the Family's got a limited life span, and that's why they need to consume a Time Lord. Otherwise, three months and they die. Like mayflies, he said."

"So your job was to execute me."

"John," Rose interrupted. "Please stop." She had tears in her eyes.

John turned back to Rose, "I'm John Smith. That's all I want to be. John Smith, with his life, and his job," He reached out to touch Rose's cheek, "And his love. Why can't I be John Smith? 

Rose closed her eyes and reached out to take the hand that held the watches.

A vision appeared.

He and Rose together, they finished the film and released it. It was an amazing success. They became the world's most highly sought after actors, constantly getting offers. Although versatile and talent separately, they realized that the chemistry they shared was their true strength so soon decided not to accept roles unless they could work together.

They were married a year after the opening of Beauty and the Beast and almost never parted, until Rose got pregnant. 

When their first born child was placed into John's arms he made the decision to retire from acting and stay out of the spotlight. Rose went back to makeup and costumes.

In the end, John died, at home, grateful for the changes Rose had made to him, for giving him the gift of love and family.

"Did you see it?" John asked.

Rose nodded, tears starting to stream down her face. "Martha, can you give us a minute?"

Silently Martha went into the kitchen.

John tugged Rose close, hugging her tightly. He rested his chin on her hair and whispered, "What if he doesn't love you?" He shuddered as he breathed in, "I can't take the idea of that. I only just figured it out. It can't all amount to nothing."

Rose pulled back enough to look in his eyes. "It will be all right."

"How can you be sure?" He closed his eyes, trying not to let tears escape.

"I can feel it." Rose replied simply, and if John's eyes hadn't been closed, he would have seen them flash gold.

"What if... what if we just give them these." He gestured to the watches he still clasped in his hand. "Then they can leave and we can stay."

Rose smiled a little, wishing it could be that easy. "You can't do that. It all ends in destruction. Those... things... those creatures would live forever." She sniffled, and gathered herself. "Come on, Doctor."

He nodded, "What I feel is real. I fought it for so long and ended up hurting us both. Then I finally figure it out only to be told my whole existence is a lie, a fabrication, a story."

"We're all stories in the end, just got to make it a good one, yeah?" Rose looked up at him, taking him in as John Smith, committing him to memory. "Come on now, we'll do this together."

John leaned down and touched her lips with his own, sweetly and softly, holding on and letting go at the same time. It was a kiss of dashed hopes and star crossed dreams. It was a taste of everything he never knew he always wanted and it left an unbearable anguish in him because it was being denied.

He was a man facing his death after only moments before realizing what it would be like to truly live.

He pulled away, breaking the delicate contact. He placed a watch in her hand and closed her fingers over it. The other he kept and giving her one last look through John Smith's eyes, he opened the watch.

 

x13x


	33. 2001:  A Space Odyssey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every time I think I've got something wrapped up, these characters throw something else at me. I swear I'm trying to get to some resolution, but they just like to be difficult. I hope you'll stick with me.
> 
> I guess the 'good' news is that I managed to update twice in a week for the second week in a row. I hope that's some consolation.

They screamed through the entire process, bodies stretched taught with pain. The metamorphosis seemed to be unending and Martha couldn't help but think the changing back part took longer than the changing into part did. Golden light swirled and surrounded both of them, growing so bright that Martha had to shield her eyes. 

Finally there was silence in the flat. Both Rose and the Doctor (She hoped it was now the Doctor) slumped on the floor, the light from the watches fading leaving the fobs dull and lifeless.

Martha haltingly approached them, unsure if the process was complete, scared that if she somehow interfered this whole evolution of sorts would go pear shaped and all hope would be lost.

Explosions rang out in the distance and a green glow permeated the horizon. The family was drawing closer.

"Doctor?" Martha whispered, both hope and fear in her voice.

They remained silent.

Martha drew closer, "Doctor? Are you all-"

Before she could finish the sentence the Doctor popped up from the ground, practically jumping into the air. He looked down at himself and turned, seemingly to check that all of his parts were still intact. When he finally faced Martha, she broke into a grin.

"Martha Jones!" He started to smile at her but then something appeared to dawn on him. Before the corners of his mouth could perk up some kind of realization overcame him. He looked down and saw Rose.

"Doctor?"

He turned his back and faced the door of the flat. "Help Rose into the TARDIS. She'll probably need some time to recover."

"Doctor, the Family-" Martha began but was interrupted.

"I know." Without saying anything further he left the flat, the door banging closed behind him.

And once again Martha was left with dragging Rose through the TARDIS.

 

x13x

 

The Doctor returned about a hour later, his face grim and resolute. Martha was waiting for him in the console room. She wanted to find out what happened but suddenly was afraid to ask. The fury of the oncoming storm was in the Doctor's eyes and Martha was grateful that his rage was not directed at her.

He didn't speak as he danced around the console and thrust them into the vortex. His motions hinted of violence, like he was still punishing a wrong. The TARDIS shuddered and sparked at him, causing him to flinch, but he didn't back away. He was on a mission of sorts. The lights flashed warningly and the usual serene hum of the old ship turned into an angry growl.

The Doctor paused his manic tango with the console and looked up to the center of the TARDIS for a few seconds, his face was grim and tempestuous. The TARDIS heaved and twisted, throwing both him and Martha to the grating.

"You should never have done it!" The Doctor yelled as he got to his feet.

Martha didn't know how to respond. There were so many things about this misadventure that she regretted but honestly she had only tried to follow his very abbreviated instructions and did her best to keep him safe. "Doc-"

"You had no right! There's no way back now! You know that!" The Doctor continued to shout at the console. A spark shot out and knocked him away again.

It then occurred to Martha that the Doctor was arguing with the TARDIS, and the time ship was fighting back just as fiercely. Feeling a bit like she was witnessing a domestic dispute, albeit one that was quite unique, she slipped out of the console room and headed to check on Rose.

 

x13x

 

The Doctor was horribly conflicted and the both mental and verbal shouting match he was having with the TARDIS was not helping. He had dealt with the Family, rather harshly by his recent standards, and now was faced with his greatest wish and his worst nightmare.

Ever since she fell he had been in pieces. Horribly distraught and lonely. He had worked tirelessly to find a way to get her back, or simply to go to her, but it had only resulted in more heartbreak.

He really shouldn't blame the TARDIS, she was only trying to help, but how could she do it? How could she do something of this magnitude and not at least discuss it with him? In every scenario he tried to work through, every possible reunion, he never wanted to leave her stranded, not without a choice.

But this was even worse.

The TARDIS interfered. She pulled and tugged and shaped time and space to her whim, violated more laws than even he could imagine, all, as she defended, for him. But that was the problem. The cost was Rose. When she found out, when he told her, because he had to tell her, she'd be gone forever. He'd lose her all over again and this time it just might kill him.

She'd changed, and it was his fault.

The TARDIS found a way to get her back. To do it, she had to change both herself and Rose. She used the dormant Bad Wolf power that the Doctor had gone to extraordinary lengths to bury, to fuse them into one timeline, one life force... one soul.

Now Rose was more like him than human. When she recovered from the chameleon arch she'd begin to realize the changes that were made to her. She'd be telepathic. In fact, she was already broadcasting her thoughts and had been reading his during their time in hiding. It would be stronger now, especially because of the other consequence of her transport back into this universe.

Because of the TARDIS' intimate and close connection to the Doctor, and because his usual shields were down due to the chameleon arch, the joining of Rose with the TARDIS yielded another unintended outcome.

When Rose visited John at the bookstore, she didn't fully understand the changes that were going on within her. She didn't know the power that she wielded. Their meeting triggered a sequence of events that, once completed, would bind her and the Doctor together indefinitely, separation would no longer be possible without extreme suffering, possibly even resulting in death.

Even now the Doctor was fighting an almost unbearable urge to complete this bond with Rose. But he couldn't possibly. To thrust himself on her and invade her mind would be the ultimate sin.

The Doctor was both awed and terrified by his ship's actions. She had sacrificed a part of herself to bring Rose to him. But the action itself was unspeakable to him. It was almost Machiavellian.

To the TARDIS, it was simple, it didn't matter what the cost was, her Time Lord needed his Rose, and she was going to get her back. Rules and laws of a long dead and pompous civilization that broke their own codes as long as it suited them didn't even come into consideration. This whole incident with the Family just distracted him long enough, kept him still long enough, that she could dedicate herself to this mission.

The fight had left him. He didn't have the strength or inclination to continue to his hostility toward the TARDIS. He now leaned onto the console almost too weak to stay upright. He needed rest to recover from the transformation back into a Time Lord and also he was being severely depleted trying to shield his mind from Rose. He asked the old girl to help him maintain and enforce his mental barriers, she reluctantly agreed but made sure he realized that their quarrel was not over.

 

x13x


	34. Toy Story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've said from the beginning that Martha gets a raw deal in this story, and I'm afraid that this chapter is no different.

It had been a week since the Family were dealt with. A week since the Doctor was restored to his full Time Lord status. A week since Rose awoke again as herself, yet, not.

Rose didn't fully understand the changes that seemed to have taken place within her. She did know, even before the chameleon arch, that she was now more able to understand and be understood by the TARDIS, but there was more to it. At times, she could swear... well, she thought... but that was ridiculous... wasn't it?

It couldn't be possible that she could hear the Doctor's thoughts? Could it?

Maybe it was the TARDIS intervening.

But it happened when they were away from her too.

But she could still be influencing it right? After all, she still translated for Rose, even when she wasn't inside the ship.

Still, it wasn't exactly a clear broadcast of his thoughts either. It was muffled, like someone was whispering, just barely within earshot, and when you turned to try and decipher what they were saying, they abruptly stopped and changed the subject.

She would concentrate on the thoughts and feelings she barely perceived, at first not fully realizing they were not her own. She asked the TARDIS about them, but the ship was unusually silent, another reason she believed the ship to not be the cause of her reception.

One day she was laying in bed and she felt that now familiar prickle of someone else at her mind's periphery. She focused on isolating the foreign emotions. They became much clearer than ever before. She saw the Doctor, under the console, and felt... Guilt... Sorrow... Longing?

Abruptly the feelings changed to a chorus of 'Anything Goes' and a mental image of Captain Jack appeared behind her eyes, along with a wash of embarrassment. Just as quickly, everything went silent. Everything except the thoughts and feelings that belonged to her.

 

x13x

 

The Doctor was a trembling, shaking, mess.

If there was a hell, this was it.

He was fighting himself to death. No rest, no sanctuary, and no way forward.

To yield one way led to endless despair and madness.

To yield the other led to guilt, interminable remorse.

But to remain in this limbo, constantly battling the demons residing on his shoulders (for there was no angel to side with), was a torture beyond imagination. He was exhausted, but could not surrender.

He knew he had to sever this connection. He had to distance himself from Rose, let her go, live on away from him. But he was too far gone. His mind had reached out to hers and imprinted, he knew that to separate now would end him.

Maybe not physically.

Physically he'd probably continue on, but the damage to his psyche would be irreparable. He would cease to be the Doctor, he would become something else. And that terrified him.

Almost as much as fully completing the bond to Rose did.

Giving in would be so easy, he was barely holding himself back as it stood. She was everything to him and he wanted. He wanted so badly he ached.

The TARDIS was rife with temptation, and she was in no mood to be gracious toward him either.

It was a part of his penance to her. To the TARDIS, he was rejecting her gift, her sacrifice. She had torn herself open and allowed Rose inside, she found a way to give her thief everything he wanted, and he refused. He had gotten angry and fought, and refused to see what exactly had been accomplished.

Ultimately he apologized to her, for losing his temper, but he still refused her offering. He had pleaded with her until she relented and agreed to help him in his futile attempts to keep Rose away. But, he knew, she still felt the need to punish him.

She would drop her added enhancement to his shields unexpectedly, especially when Rose was reaching out. It nearly brought him to his knees every time. His entire being throbbed and his head pounded. Resisting was almost unbearable. All he had to do was allow himself to reach back. Just the tiniest reciprocation of her touch would end this suffering. He was so close to giving in.

But then the thought of her revulsion, her reaction when she knew that this was permanent, that they would both suffer if it was initiated and then denied, that would stop him. He would fight this. He would suffer so she never did.

He couldn't be sure, but he thought that the bond wasn't affecting her as it was him. Martha checked on her occasionally, at his request. She usually only did as he bid once he agreed to submit to her questioning of his state, and the answer had to go beyond his usual "I'm always all right."

At some point over the week he stopped asking Martha, in fact, if he wasn't absolutely sure she was still on board, he would question whether or not she had left him. He was becoming a hermit in his own home.

 

x13x

 

She had gotten better at focusing on what she now was sure was the Doctor's presence in her mind. She was improving her ability to monitor his thoughts without him noticing too.

She knew he carried guilt. She knew that from before they were separated. But this was something different. She knew that had to do with her being back in the universe, but beyond that she couldn't resolve. When she pulled on that particular thread, he would notice her presence and belt out another show tune (she hadn't been treated to an image of Captain Jack since that first instance).

She also knew that the Time Lord was avoiding her.

And she was letting him.

She'd gotten much better at locating him without asking the TARDIS for help, and had therefore gotten better at allowing him to evade her. Something about her being here was causing him pain, and that was the last thing she wanted. She knew that sometime soon they would have to talk about this and she would have to leave. It was just that she didn't have anywhere to go.

Well that, and the fact that she loved him. Quite desperately.

But still, her company was obviously something he no longer desired, she was just buying time before she had to move on, without him.

John Smith had been right it seemed, the Doctor didn't love her as he did.

Thinking back to the brief time they had together gave her both comfort and unbearable pain. The Rose Tyler she was while influenced by the chameleon arch had fallen in love with John Smith, and just before that man 'died,' he told her that he loved her. How long had she waited for the Doctor to give her those words?

She knew that if she remembered the turn of events that transpired while the rest of her was trapped in that watch, then the Doctor did as well. It just continued to prove to her that once restored, once he was a Time Lord again, once he was fully himself, he did not feel the same way that John Smith did.

 

x13x

 

Martha had finally made a decision. She had decided to ask the Doctor to take her home. Maybe not as a forever kind of decision, but definitely for now.

There was obviously something going on between the Doctor and Rose, and maybe even the Doctor, Rose, and the TARDIS, and Martha was feeling like the third (or fourth) wheel. They hadn't landed anywhere in a while and, quite frankly, she was relieved, because the Doctor, and Rose to some extent, were in no shape to save field mice, never mind a society, planet, or universe.

As she made, what she came to refer to as, "daily rounds" in the ship for what might be the last time, she checked on Rose first and then the Doctor. He had been acting so strangely since their run in with the Family. She thought that he'd be happy, ecstatic even, that Rose was back. He had seemed so distraught without her. But now they hardly spent any time together at all.

She knew he cared about her. Practically the first words out of his mouth when she walked into the room were always to find out if Rose was all right. She had finally taken this as an opportunity to blackmail information out of him.

Today was no different. She got to the console room and he practically ambushed her.

"Martha! Have you seen Rose today? How is she? Is she acting strangely at all?" He looked a wreck, half of his shirt was buttoned up wrong and the tails were hanging out of his trousers. His tie was askew but he managed to keep his jacket on.

"Doctor, are you all right?"

It looked like it took him a moment to process the query, "Me? I'm always all right."

"Not buying it Doctor, you know the deal, you tell me the truth and I tell you about Rose." She hesitated momentarily before going on, "And there's something else I want to talk to you about."

The Doctor's head snapped to her and he focused on her in a way that she hadn't received from him since before this whole debacle occurred. At that moment Martha was sure he knew what she was going to ask him to do.

He didn't question her though, another sign that he really wasn't himself. "All right. You obviously can tell that I'm not feeling so well, it's just a minor bug, it will pass."

Not the whole truth, she was sure, but it served her purpose. It confirmed that something was, in fact, wrong with the Doctor, and it was getting easier for her to get him to admit it. It made her feel a little guilty for her next request to him, but it was becoming painfully obvious that she was not what he needed.

"Doctor," She waited for him to turn his eyes to her. She wasn't sure she had his attention but, if he was at least looking at her she could pretend. "I would like to go home now, please."

Whatever reaction she was expecting from him it certainly wasn't for him to throw one lever on the console, have the ship shudder and stop. It was almost as if he knew what was coming, or maybe he was just waiting to have the opportunity to ask her to leave himself.

She couldn't help but be angry. Was this all that she meant to him? To be there while he pined away for an impossibility, to take care of him while he was at his most vulnerable and then be thrown away like yesterday's banana peel?

It didn't matter anymore.

"I'm just going to say goodbye to Rose."

 

x13x


	35. The Incredibles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More borrowed lines, and borrowed ideas... Apparently I don't have an original idea in my head. The chapters do seem to be coming faster. I think I may be nearing the end.

The TARDIS landed with a noticeable bump.

The Doctor, who had been sleeping fitfully under the console, was jarred awake, nearly banging his head against it. He reached out with his mind to his ship asking what was going on. She remained silent. Groaning slightly, he emerged from beneath the console to check the system monitors and maybe get some insight into what or whom had thrown them from the vortex. 

"No help there." He said to the empty room. The screens were blank but he did manage to convince the TARDIS to give some indication if her systems were functioning properly. They were.

His brain was still foggy from his kip under the console but he knew that he should probably get "suited up" and explore wherever and whenever was outside the TARDIS doors.

He walked toward his room, ticking off the equipment he would need to bring with him. Sonic, coat, yo-yo, companion-

His train of thought totally derailed. Rose... What if there was danger lurking beyond the doors of his ship? What if there was something out there that could take her away from him again? It defied the odds that she was here now, he couldn't lose her again. Not now!

Fear, so total and paralyzing, consumed him. His whole body tensed. He became short of breath and his respiratory bypass was not coming to his aid. Gasping, he clutched at his chest. His hearts were beating out of control, sending shockwaves through his entire body. He started to sweat. 

Pain coursed through him. Excruciating knives of sensation bombarded him but he couldn't even fall to the floor. The grip of terror was holding him so tightly that even though there was no way he could possibly remain standing, his body would not loosen enough to crash. 

Amidst all of this, he felt Rose. She was reaching out to him. 

With his last ounce of strength he shored up his mental walls, silently begging whatever deity might be listening to just let him pass into unconsciousness and keep him from completing the bond with Rose.

The TARDIS came to his rescue again. She calmed him and secured his mind. He finally sank to his knees.

If this was his reaction to an imaginary threat to Rose, he knew that there was no way he could ever allow her to be in real jeopardy, he wouldn't survive. Steeling himself he decided that whatever lay beyond his doors he would face alone, leaving Rose in the sanctuary of the TARDIS, safe, and protected.

Taking just another moment to gather himself, he stood, and finished his journey to his room.

x13x

 

Rose had been jolted by the sudden stop of the ship. Wondering what had happened, she tried to "talk" to the TARDIS but found that the ship wasn't entertaining her queries.

"Fine then, be that way." The lights blinked in her bedroom in an almost apologetic way and Rose felt badly for being annoyed. It was just that she seemed to have questions about everything lately, and no one was helping her to find answers.

She started to feel a bit of anxiety and instinctively reached out for the Doctor. She found herself doing this more and more lately, especially when she was nervous about something, or she just discovered another quirk in her new evolution that excited or terrified her.

She was finding it much easier to connect with him now too. She reached him with no trouble but immediately felt anxiety, maybe even panic coming through from him. She gasped and immediately wanted to help ease his troubles, she wasn't sure what was causing it, but he was obviously terrified of something. For the first time she tried to push further into his mind.

Suddenly she was forced out. She was bum-rushed and vigorously removed from his mind. 

It hurt.

A lot.

Searing pain bloomed behind her eyes and for a moment she was blinded by it. She sunk down onto her knees, cradling her head in her hands and gasping for breath, trying to breathe through the stabbing agony in her skull. It felt like it would never end.

Controlled breathing.

If she could regulate her breaths, maybe she could breathe through the pain. But it was too much, she couldn't even begin to grasp the necessary movements to coordinate her respirations. Her only hope now was the TARDIS, she screamed both inwardly and outwardly for help, then her world went black.

When her eyes opened again her head was sore. The pain itself was gone but it left behind a tenderness that reminded her of its existence. She was puzzled by it. Could she have been possessed? Was something trying to overtake her mind? Could this location that the TARDIS had landed them be the cause?

She dragged herself from her room, not quite recovered and sought out the Doctor.

She found him in the console room, about to leave the ship.

"Doctor?" Her voice was raw, probably from screaming in pain.

He didn't acknowledge her except to stop his movement. He didn't turn away from the doors.

She approached him, still shaky on her feet. "Doctor? Is there something wrong? Is there something out there?"

He seemed to brace himself before he turned, "No, nothing wrong." His smile was fake, forced. "I'm just going to take a look around."

"Wait a mo, I'll come with you."

"No!" He almost came out of his skin at her suggestion. She staggered back a bit. "I mean, that's not necessary, you look tired. I'll just be a minute."

Rose knew something was up. "I'm coming with." She moved to the doors ahead of him.

He practically threw himself at the doors to block her exit. "No! It could be dangerous! Wait here, stay hidden. I'm going in."

Rose started to turn red, "While what? I watch helplessly from the sidelines? I don't think so."

The Doctor turned his eyes from her and looked over her shoulder back into the console room. "I'm asking you to wait here."

"And I'm telling you not a chance." She moved her face into his line of vision, "We've talked about this before... before I... before... I'm with you, forever"

He closed his eyes as if in pain, "I have to do this alone."

"Is this because of how I came back? Are you worried that I somehow caused this?" She crossed her arms in front of her chest. "I know you said it was impossible without destroying both universes, but we're still here, things are still intact!"

He looked panicked now, "No. That's not..."

"Is it because you were human? Because of what happened between us? That you need to feel like you're the Doctor again? Above it all?"

"Yes! No!"

"Then what? What is it?" She was practically screaming at him. They had avoided each other for so long and she had so many questions and she had missed him so much.

"I'm not..." He looked like a deer in headlights, petrified and unable to finish a thought.

"Not what?" Her eyes were wide. Somewhere in her mind she knew she was taking this too far, but reason was deserting her.

"I'm not strong enough."

"Strong enough? And this will make you stronger?"

"Yes! No!"

"That's what this is? Some kind of test? To be sure that you're still you?"

"I can't lose you again!" For the first time his voice rose. "I can't..." His voice broke, "Not again. I'm not... strong enough."

x13x


	36. Anastasia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I usually don’t post on the weekend (never have time) but I got a TON of requests to update quickly, so I sat down to write and this came out. To me, this is another filler chapter, I couldn't get to the next one without this transition. It's not a great chapter (although I know I've written worse) but I promise to try to get the next one up quickly too.

"Please stop." The Doctor pleaded but his voice held no conviction. In fact some of the tightness that had gathered in his features eased for a moment.

"Not until you listen to me."

"Not that... please, just stop." His face contorted in pain and his hands gripped his head.

Rose was concerned and more than a little confused. "I don't-" She gasped as pain lanced through her head. She doubled over and nearly fell to her knees.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry." The Doctor came over to her and reached out, but recoiled at the last moment. "I didn't realize, I didn't think it was that strong already." He stood up again and began to pace. "I don't know how to fix this now, I've waited too long."

He continued to talk, mostly to himself as Rose recovered. She had stopped following his diatribe, instead trying to focus on the cause of her sore head. The stabbing pain had subsided but it left a dull ache in its place, like when she had overused her muscles. But her brain wasn't literally a muscle was it? 

The Doctor appeared to know what was going on, if the pacing and the monologue were any indication, but he wasn't really talking to her about it, leaving her to wonder if there was something wrong with her that she should be concerned about. Without really thinking, because it was becoming something almost instinctual, she reached out to touch the Doctor's mind.

He froze. Mid sentence, mid word even, mid step, his foot was literally still in the air. "No, please don't. Please stop." He whispered. His posture became tense once again. Both feet were again on the floor and he seemed to be readying himself for some kind of battle.

Rose felt something shove her, not a physical something, more of a mental shove. And now, she understood. Immediately feeling guilty and embarrassed, she pulled her mind away from the Doctor's, mentally giving herself a slap, like she would her hand for touching something it wasn't supposed to. "Oh, my goodness, I'm sorry... I didn't... I didn't know..."

The Doctor slumped over, panting, "It's all right Rose, it's fine."

But it wasn't fine. Obviously the changes that she was going through gave her some kind of telepathic ability that she had no hope to control, and she was hurting the Doctor. No wonder he wanted to explore whatever lay beyond the TARDIS doors by himself. She was a liability! "No, I understand now."

The Doctor gulped, "You do?" He wouldn't look at her and continued to keep his distance.

"I understand that I'm hurting you." Tears started to form in her eyes, "I get it now. That's why you've been avoiding me, why you've been keep your distance."

"Rose, that's not-"

She took a deep breath, coming to a decision, "If I could just ask one favor," she paused, trying to gather herself.

"Rose, you don't-" He interrupted.

But she pressed on, "I don't know how I came through, but I know there's no way back... to the other universe... to my mum..." Her voice grew quiet, the words themselves like knives, "But do you think you could find Jack? At least he'd understand, a little." Tears streamed down her face now and she was hiccoughing slightly as she spoke. She felt her mind try to reach out for the Doctor and violently shoved herself back. It was so hard to fight, it must be like an addiction, she nearly craved the slight touch of contact her mind could forge with his, and denying it, actively struggling to restrain herself, was nearing impossible. But she couldn't allow herself to seek him. It hurt him, and she always swore that she would never be the one to cause him pain.

Her head was throbbing and the effort to control her telepathy was causing her to shake. Her hands clenched into fists and her nails started drawing blood. The more she fought it, the harder it became. It was like those Chinese finger puzzles, the more you struggled to pull your fingers out, the tighter the little trap held. She was losing the battle.

x13x

 

She was in agony, and he knew the feeling. Every time the smallest brush of her consciousness swept against him he had to restrain himself from responding, from completing, from merging. And every time it got more difficult to deny himself, to fight against it. He hadn't realized it was something she would struggle with as well, and had no idea it would be to this degree.

Time Lords were a telepathic race, they frequently communicated with each other mentally along with verbally. But since the Time War, and the virtual extinction of his race, he never thought he’d feel the brush of another consciousness against his.

And it was seductive.

To an extent, he’d forgotten these sensations. It had been so long since he’d felt another inside of himself. But even those long lost feelings were different from what he was faced with now. He had never bonded to another being, was sure it was impossible, a fairy tale He’d never felt that connection. He’d never even come close to desiring a relationship of that nature. 

But now, with this, with Rose, he was at the limits of his endurance, and was rapidly losing control. Adding in the fact that she was also suffering from not completing the connection, he was no longer sure why he was fighting.

x13x


	37. Milk Money

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ummm... yeah... I hope this is ok... a bit out of my usual realm... another chapter that makes me want to hide my face. I wrote it fast and it's kinda hard for me to edit it. I apologize for any mistakes.
> 
> Of course, all comments, criticisms, pep talks and gibberish are accepted and greatly appreciated.

Giving in was harder than he expected.  The Doctor had held his mind away from Rose for so long, with so much energy and concentration that dropping those barriers and reaching out wasn't as natural as he thought it would be.  It was like holding something tightly in your fist for so long that you forget how to open up your hand and let go.

 And it hurt.

He briefly wondered if, now that he had decided to open himself up, he would ever be able to throw up his shields again.  Not to Rose, of course, there would be no way for him to shut her out any longer, but he felt a bit like the door to his mind was on rusted hinges and had swelled in the frame from the eternity of beatings his mind had sustained. Once the door was pried open, would the hinges snap?  Would the door ever be able to fit back in the frame?  Could it ever be closed again, to anyone?

It was too late and he was too far gone to fear.  He'd already started to reach out to Rose.  His misgivings were giving way to excitement and a different kind of anxiety fluttered in his stomach.  Anticipation was causing these palpitations, now that he had decided to surrender.

But he hit a wall.

For a moment he thought he hadn't proceeded as he was supposed to.  Focusing internally he discounted that theory.  He was wide open, stretching himself towards Rose, aching to be welcomed in.  He was plunging himself into her but met with resistance.  

Reality shocked him.

She wasn't letting him in.

Focusing outwardly again, the Doctor saw Rose with her hands at her temples, in obvious agony.  Her cheeks were wet as tears leaked from her eyes from the strain she was exerting.  It seemed impossible.  She shouldn't be able to keep him out.  His mind should be stronger than her shields, but it seemed she was going to continue to surprise him.

He reeled himself back, not wanting to force himself upon her, he didn't want to break her.  Could it be that she didn't want this?  Then why would she continually reach out to him?  Maybe she couldn't control it.

She groaned slightly.

He moved to her, placing his hands on her shoulders.  He could help her.

"No!  Don't!"

_Please don't hate me._

He was absolutely reeling.  The feeling of connectedness was overwhelming.  Shock ripped through him, arcing from his head down his spine to the tips of his toes.  Pleasure the likes of which he'd never known shot through him nearly knocking him to his knees.  His neural function short circuited.  He was a quivering mess, gasping and moaning and never feeling better in his life.

_I'm so sorry._

Breaking through his euphoria was a whisper of sadness and guilt.  It was totally out of place for such an awe inspiring experience.  It didn't compute.  Why would anyone be sorry about this?  Why would anyone regret it?

Oh...

Righting himself, he managed to pull together enough of his sensibilities to realize that the feelings were coming from Rose.  Immediately he felt ashamed.  And sick.  What had he done?  This was the ultimate violation.  He'd forced himself on her!  This was despicable.  Bile was rising in his throat.

He wrenched himself away from her, bent in half, blindly backing up while trying not to vomit.  He had to shut himself off from her.  Oh, how had this happened!

_Doctor, please...  I'm sorry...  I didn't mean to do it._

If he could just control his breathing he could get a handle on himself, could start to figure this out.

"Doctor, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you.  I just couldn't hold back anymore."  She bent down near him, wanting to touch him to comfort him, but also to assure herself that he was still all right.  She resisted, not knowing if her touch would be welcomed or if it would only exacerbate his suffering.

Something penetrated his thoughts.  He looked up slightly, confused.  Was Rose apologizing to him?  What had he missed?  He dropped to his knees, gathering himself.  His movement made him brush against Rose.

He was flooded with concern and a touch of fear and self recrimination.

He froze.

It couldn't possibly be, could it?  He had to know, to be sure.

Unable to resist, he turned toward Rose and grabbed her hands and held them to his temples.  He shivered as they made contact and threw his mind wide open, broadcasting how much he wanted this connection with her, how much he craved it.

She gasped.  Neither of them were sure if it was audible or totally inward, a gasp of the body or of the mind.

 _Don’t let go._  He whispered longingly into her mind.  Slowly he moved his hands from hers at his head and made to touch her temples.   _Can I?  Please?_  He nearly begged.

Rose wasn’t sure of exactly what was going on, but she felt the Doctor filling her, completing her and the sheer bliss of his presence was sublime.  She had never felt anything like it before and couldn’t possibly imagine anything ever feeling better than this connection.  If she had known before what this would be like, there would have been no way she would have the strength of will to fight it.  All she wanted was to lose herself in the sensation, wrap herself around him so tightly that they could never be torn apart again, never even really exist without the other.

Her reverie was interrupted by a soft whimpering.  She opened her eyes, not realizing they had been closed, to find the Doctor’s hand poised at her temples.  The small sounds were coming from him as he tried to wait for her permission to touch her.  She was unsure of how to grant his request.  His eyes were closed and he had already asked her not to move hers away from his head.

 _Please._  She heard again in her mind.

Focusing on communicating to him telepathically, she tried to convey her unconditional approval of his desire.

_Yes, Doctor._

He groaned as his hands made contact and suddenly the connection intensified.  It was amazing.   She felt him.  All of him.  As if she were inside of him but also still inside herself.

She felt his yearning, his desperate longing, how he had missed her so incredibly, his incredulity at her being here, like this with him.

Her body responded physically, as did his.

They melted into an ardent embrace, lips smashing against each other, tongues sliding inside, caressing, bodies fusing together as closely as possible while still allowing their hands to remain in place.  As their hips connected they both moaned, frustrated with the space and clothing that still separated them but unwilling or unable to take any action to rectify it.

“Rose.”  He groaned, the sound so desperate, so full that it nearly brought her to her knees.  She’d dreamed of hearing him say her name with that inflection and the reality was so much better than any fantasy she ever had.  Her grip tightened on him and she poured herself into the kiss as she poured her very soul into their connection.

Rose was finally overcome by the need to be physically closer to him and dropped her hands from his temples to begin to push at his suit jacket.  But as soon as she lost contact the connection to him became weaker and she found herself addled by the suppressed emotions, almost immediately her hands sought his head again but she was growing more distressed by the inability to feel his skin.

_Doctor.  I need…_

_Anything Rose, you can have anything._

_I need all of you._

Groaning at her admission and being in total agreement with her passion, he pulled away from her, effectively muffling their link, and leaving them both longing for the other.  Rose tried to reach for him again, but he stayed her motions.  

“Rose, I need to ask you something.”

 

x13x


	38. The Cuting Edge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ummm... writing a little out of my element here (well, more out of my element than the whole writing thing in general is),especially the beginning part, I hope it's okay...

"You need to ask me something?" Rose was confused and still trying to reconnect to the Doctor's mind. She lifted her hands again, this time successfully and plunged herself in. 

"Ohhhh." It was like diving into warm water, welcoming and comforting, slick and sensual. Fingers of sensation drifted over her and she was lost to the feelings surrounding her.

Rose, please. The Doctor couldn't resist her, and resorted to half hearted pleading. He wasn't sure if it was because he was so caught up in the connection and the way it felt, or if Rose was simply overpowering him. As much as the latter part of that thought intrigued him, it wasn't enough motivation for him to break the contact. Instead he placed his hands back on her temples and pulled her into him for another kiss.

Please what, Doctor? 

Communicating back to him, using words, with intent, through their fledgling bond was even more powerful to him. He groaned in the back of his throat as he continued to sip from her lips. The world, the universe, narrowed down to the feelings he experienced from her, and the overwhelming need to connect with her on every level. He pushed his hips into her, bumping her away from him for a moment, as she stumbled slightly backwards.

To steady herself, her hands caught his shoulders and broke their connection, his hands fell to her hips. They both stood dazed for a moment, off balance from the loss of the link. Embarrassment started to creep into Rose, flushing her face. The Doctor felt it by proxy. Their relative proximity stimulating the bond, and he was again taken aback by the strength of it.

"What's going on Doctor?" She had grasped some control over herself. Enough to not immediately seek his mind again.

The Doctor was relieved, but also more than a little disappointed, he missed her touch. Schooling himself, he knew that now was the time to bare the truth to Rose. A tremor of terror shot through him. What if she didn't want this? Was it too late?

Of course, he knew she wanted something with him, that much was obvious from what he felt from her, what she was projecting into his mind. But what if she couldn't accept the permanence. There was no halfway. All in or nothing at all. Halfway would hurt.

He started to step back.

Rose felt his fear. "Wait a minute!" She commanded. "You don't get to stop now! Something happened here and I need to know what it is, what it means." She caught his eyes and made to touch his face, he jerked away slightly. She was about to protest but she saw resignation in his eyes, and a pleading for understanding. He looked guilty and a little lost. Anxiety started wafting off of him and into her. "What is it? Doctor, What's wrong?"

He sighed heavily and his shoulders slumped. "I can't believe you're back."

His words seemed sorrowful and Rose's anxiety increased. How could he kiss her like that? Do... whatever he did with his mind and not want her here?

Before she could question him, he continued, "I understand a little of what the TARDIS did, how it happened... I'm so sorry."

She could see his regret, nearly feel it, maybe she could actually feel it. Whatever had just happened between them, he obviously regretted, and although it would break her heart again, she was going to give him his out. "I can go Doctor... I will go, if that's what you want... Just... I need to understand what happened to me... Can you give me that much?"

"I'm not really doing a good job at this." The words slipped out in a whisper, as if he were talking to himself. He finally met her eyes again. "Rose, that's not what I want. It couldn't be further from what I want."

Hope started to bubble up inside her, but faltered at the look in his eyes.

"But you might not want to stay once I tell you what's gone on. What made it possible for you to come back." He made to cup her face but stopped himself, his hand dropping to his side again.

"Doctor, just tell me and we'll get past it." She clasped his hand in hers. She could think of nothing in this universe or any other that would make her want to leave him.

The Doctor breathed heavily, squeezed her hand and closed his eyes. He wanted to commit this moment and her to memory, this moment, before she knew, before she understood what had happened, how, because of him, her life would never be the same.

He opened his eyes, determined to look into hers as he explained what he knew of the TARDIS' actions. "You see, when we... when you..." He paused, talking about the day he lost her was still so hard. "After that day in Torchwood, I was a mess. Spent a lot of time in the vortex, a lot of time trying to find a way back to you. Nothing worked. I wasn't clever enough. I couldn't do it without sacrificing everything else. In the end, I thought a lot about crossing timelines."

Rose gasped at his admission. "Doctor, you didn't."

"No, I didn't, almost did though. That's probably when I was at my lowest. The TARDIS stopped me." He stroked the coral strut next to him and the lights flickered affectionately. "But that's why she did it."

"Did what?"

Steeling himself for her reaction, he plunged forward, "The TARDIS saw how far I had fallen, how much I need you. She has powers that even Time Lords never fully comprehended, and part of that allowed her to reach across the void and bind her timeline to yours." He stopped, waiting for her response.

Rose waited for him to continue. When he didn't, she prompted, "So the TARDIS messed with my timeline?"

He ran his free hand through his hair and nodded slightly, afraid to confirm.

Rose knew that he thought that this was something bad, but she still didn't understand why. "Doctor, what does that mean? Is it like Bad Wolf?"

"Oh Rose, it's so much worse than that. I was able to remove and bury most of the Bad Wolf. This is... this... I can't fix this." He dropped her hand and turned away from her.

Her stomach dropped. Was she dying? When she looked in to the heart of the TARDIS she was going to burn. The Doctor had saved her. Is this why she'd been getting all those headaches? "How much..." She stuttered. "How long do I have?"

She sounded so forlorn to him. She understood it now. She was changed, no longer human. He knew she'd never be able to forgive him. "It's hard to say..." His voice cracked a bit. "You're tied to the TARDIS now, might be close to what I've got left."

"Wait... What did you say?!?" She must have misheard him. She was expecting weeks, maybe days, at the very worst precious hours. But this? It couldn't be. Could it?

"I know Rose, and I'm so sorry. It's my fault. She did it for me." He knew she needed to know the rest, all of it, no matter how bad it was. He turned back to her, "But there's more."

Rose was still shocked and barely heard what the Doctor was saying. She was caught up in the fact that her lifespan might match or even exceed his. She was elated and terrified by this. On the one hand, that was one less obstacle in the way of them being together, on the other, if he didn't want her, she was in for a very long, lonely existence.

The Doctor continued, "While I was John Smith, and you came to the bookshop... you... I... we... triggered it..."

Rose was trying to focus on what the Doctor was saying but he didn't seem to be making much sense. "It, Doctor?" He fumbled a bit. "Did I do something wrong? I knew something was different. I'm sorry Doctor. I didn't know what was happening. I never meant to hurt you."

"No, Rose. You didn't hurt me." Her eyes snapped up to his again. "You didn't do anything wrong." He sighed again, "I'm not really doing a good job of explaining this." He decided to just come out with it, no matter how uncomfortable it made both of them. "I was mostly human as John Smith, my Time Lord self was kept in that watch. But when you came to the bookshop that day. When we touched, you didn't just touch the human, you touched the Time Lord and started a bond with me."

She was trying to follow him, he could see that, but she still didn't fully understand the implications of what he was telling her.

"Time Lords, well, when there were more than just me, could form bond to each other's mind. It's not something to be taken lightly. The bond joins two minds, two souls together for as long as they live. It's the ultimate form of commitment."

"So, what you're telling me is that we're joined now? Forever?" He wanted to reach out and touch her mind, to find out for sure what she was thinking and feeling. He couldn't read her expressions right now.

"Not exactly. It's not complete yet."

The way he looked at her when she said it, like a puppy who had done wrong and was waiting for the rap on the nose, finally shed light on what was going on. He always jumped to the worst possible conclusion about her, always thought she'd leave him or never choose him in the first place. She felt so foolish for not realizing it before. Maybe she could attribute it to the time she had spent away from the Doctor, or maybe it was her own inability to believe that something like this could ever occur. Either way she had to make sure. She needed to know what he really wanted. "You want to complete it, don't you?"

x13x


	39. An Affair to Remember

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that was a brief period of fluffiness... I don't know what happened here. I started with one thing in mind and ended up somewhere totally different.

He froze completely. An absolute dead stop. 

"You do." It was a statement, not a question and she said it with a bit of a knowing smirk on her face. She moved closer to him, faster than he was prepared for, maybe he was just in slow motion.

"Rose... I..." He stepped back, putting more distance between them.

She continued to pursue him, "Doctor, just tell me what you want."

"What I want doesn't matter." He said with authority. "She changed you Rose, because of me." He stepped away again. "And you can't ever go back. Can't see your family, your mum."

Her face fell a little and the Doctor felt like he had finally gotten through to her. He didn't revel in this victory though, because now he was sure she'd leave him.

"Doctor, I've been trying to get back to you forever." She swallowed visibly and tears were forming in her eyes. "I wasn't happy there. I tried to be. For you, I tried to be. But it wasn't what I wanted. I'll always miss my mum, but I made a decision, not long after I got to 'Pete's World' that I wanted to get back here, even if that meant I could never see my family again."

"Rose, you can't mean-"

She sniffed hard, containing her tears, "I love you."

He closed his eyes, in both agony and ecstasy. He wanted to both run to her and far away from her at the same time. "What if that's not enough?"

She stood in stunned silence. Moments ago she was sure that he wanted her, that he was holding back because of some twisted sense of nobility or perceived indifference from her. But now that she'd laid herself bare, and been rebuked, she lost her footing, and was trying to figure out how to retreat. Her shoulders sagged.

He broke the silence to explain, "Rose, what's happening here, what's already happened here, it's not a whim," She was about to interrupt, offended at his dismissal of her feelings, when he continued, "It's permanent, more permanent that anything you could ever imagine. We'd be bonded, for the rest of our lives, which, for you is a lot longer than whatever you might have expected."

"Are you suggesting that I don't know what forever means?" Things were starting to make more sense. She still wasn't sure what a 'bond' entailed but she was starting to understand the significance of it to the Doctor.

"No Rose, it's just..." His voice trailed off.

He could talk for the ages, but never say anything important. She didn't want to scare him off, but she needed answers, and the urge to reach out for his mind again was getting harder to resist.

A different tactic was in order, "Explain to me what this 'bond' is."

He looked at her intently, wondering why she changed topics, but his brain was addled and he was tired, so he just answered. "It's a joining of two people, well, Time Lords, no record of it happening outside the species, not even sure it was possible..." He broke off and stared into space a bit, looking like he was accessing his expansive memory for a reference. He shook his head slightly and continued, "Time Lords are telepathic, used that way of communicating often. But a bond was rare." He paused, looking for her understanding and permission to continue.

"There was a legend, a story that we were told as children, an ancient fairytale, that said that each of us was a half of a whole, seeking and in pain. That we were meant to search all of time and space to find that one person who would make us complete. When we found our other half, a miracle would happen, and the two halves would become one, never having to live separately again, ending the pain."

Rose was entranced by his tale, and something inside of her was feeling the truth of it.

"But Time Lords based their society on logic and science, not on emotions and fables, so bonds like this weren't mainstream at all, and even the ones that were known about usually were false, meaning that they were initiated and one or both of the pair eventually regretted it. It never ended well." His face fell, it seemed like he had some first hand experience, with a failed bond.

"What do you mean? What happened to them?" Rose was feeling a bit of jealousy, which was ridiculous. He had lived for so long before she was even a thought, before her ancestors were even a thought, feeling possessive over his life, or lives, before he met her was absurd. But she couldn't help feeling distressed at the thought of someone else sharing that kind of closeness with the Doctor, her Doctor.

His eyes went flat and he turned away from her as he answered, "Madness... and then, death..." The last was whispered. He snapped back to her suddenly, "You see Rose, this thing is unheard of, and no good can come from it. Breaking it once it's formed has dire consequences." He stepped toward her and took her hand, ignoring the pulse of potential that whizzed through him, "I can't hurt you."

She saw the sincerity in his eyes, and his fear. She also saw longing, "What's it like if it's real?"

Her question took him by surprise. "I... I have... uhh... well, that is to say... I don't know. Not entirely. There are stories, but nothing confirming it, no proof."

"So you've never...?" She left the question hanging, unsure how to finish it. Was it taboo? Was it like asking about whether or not he was a virgin?

"No... I mean there were so many stories about the dangers of bonds... about Time Lords breaking bonds and going mad..." The tips of his ears turned red as he continued, "and, well... as a rule, it was frowned upon... so..."

She pressed him further, "What does the story say about real bonds?"

"They say that it defies description." His expression turned wistful. "The stories talk about feeling complete... more than that... like.. righting a wrong..."

The Doctor looked like he was struggling for words. "It's even harder to explain in English. The stories were written in ancient Gallifreyan, the language is very descriptive, and even that fell short trying to express what a real bond was like."

"It sounds amazing."

The Doctor sighed, "Who knows? The tale was archaic by my society's standards, and even that society is long gone now." His voice became despondent.

It was apparent to Rose that this was something that the Doctor was curious about, at the least, maybe even craving the bond, at the most. "Seems to me like something you would have been interested in learning about. A puzzle, yeah? Seems like your style."

She'd hit close to the mark. He had been intrigued by the legend when he was younger, but his investigation of it lead to ridicule. Time Lords, respected ones at least, didn't partake in these type of things.

But, he did research the tale, and through it he discovered more about it than many of his race had known. He knew much more than the original story, and everything he found out made him yearn for that type of connection more. But it also continued to show him how out of his reach it was.

Maybe that's why he spent so much time away from his people. They shunned emotions, when he wanted to embrace them. Humans thrived on passions, he felt a sort of camaraderie with them.

"I was interested... when I was young... That's why I know so much about it. Why I know what the repercussions of a broken bond are."

He was so focused on the negative, it really shouldn't come as a surprise to her. But she knew that this bond was something he coveted. She wasn't sure if it was because of the burgeoning connection they had made or if she just knew his tells well enough, but she was certain this was something the Doctor was yearning for.

Now she needed to ask herself. Was she certain? Of herself? Of him? 'Yes!' seemed too easy to say given the gravity and reverence with which the Doctor described initiating this, but she knew how she felt without him, and, judging from the actions the TARDIS had taken on his behalf, she was becoming more confident in his need for her. Maybe 'Yes!' didn't need to be so hard to come by.

But to convince him to take the chance would be difficult. Risking himself wouldn't be hard for him, it was inducing him to risk her that would be the formidable obstacle.

x13x


	40. Stardust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I nearly resorted to violence, but I managed to control myself. That being said, I'm sorry for the chapter end.  
>  
> 
> Also, the title of this chapter is one of my most favorite movies. If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it!

She was just as curious about the legend as he had been when he was young.  It stirred something in him, something he had almost forgotten about.

 

One of the things he loved (yes, loved) about Rose Tyler was her unending awe and excitement for everything.  From stars being born, to planets dying, to ancient Gallifreyan legends, she was enthusiastic.  Seeing the world, the universe through her eyes reminded him of why he chose to travel so many eons ago.

 

Her curiosity could rival his own on occasion, and in this instance, he hoped his stubbornness would prevail.  There was no way he'd shackle her to him for eternity, not matter how much he yearned for it.

 

"Aren't you tempted?"  Her voice was whisper quiet, so much so he wasn't sure she was speaking aloud.

 

"Tempted? By what?"  By her?  By the bond?  

 

All of the above.  
  


"To find out, what it might be like, even for a little while, to feel that connection.  To finally know what the story doesn't describe."  She was looking into him, and he could feel her on the edge of his consciousness.

 

"You seriously think I could do that to you?  Make you live without being able to sever the connection?"  His voice had an edge to it, mostly because he was being seduced by the possibility, exceedingly so, to just complete the bond and damn the torpedoes!

 

"But you'll make me live without it?"

 

Silence reigned.  He was gobsmacked.  His mouth kept flapping open and closed with no sound emanating from it.

 

Realizing that he wasn't going to, or wasn't able to respond, she continued, "I'm gonna ask you again Doctor, What do you want?"  She wanted to press the issue, to grab his temples and push into his mind, but she refrained.  She knew he wouldn't be able to resist her that way, and she needed to be sure this was really what he wanted, not something she forced on him.

 

His hearts were pounding in his chest so hard that his whole body was jumping.  He had stopped breathing and was relying totally on his respiratory bypass, which wasn't providing nearly enough air to his brain.  "Rose, I..."

 

"Yes, Doctor?"

 

"Just tell me you want this."  One last ditch effort.  He was giving her one last chance to back away.  "I want this so badly I'm aching.  But I can't...  I won't do this if you're not sure, if you don't want this with me.  There's no going back."

 

Instead of answering, she grabbed his head and spoke directly into his mind.   _I want this._

 

His walls came crashing down as his hands made their way to her temples.  He moaned loudly as he poured himself into her and was filled from her.  Love and lust and yearning and frustration and missing and sorrow and hope all flew across their connection.

 

 _This is amazing._  Rose was almost overwhelmed by the depth of experiences and emotions coming through the Doctor. But as much as he gave her, she wanted more, like this was leading to something, that this was still a buildup.

 

His forehead rested against her, their bodies trying to sync together, breathing, heartbeats, brainwaves.  "Are you ready to complete the bonding?"  His voice was strained, like it was hard for him to talk.

 

Her eyes opened, she hadn't realized they were closed, and she pulled her hands from his head, they both gasped at the loss, "You mean, we're not...  we haven't...  yet?"  She felt a little embarrassed, almost like she was asking whether or not they'd had sex, like it was something she should be aware of and was hoping that he wasn't offended by her ignorance.

 

He chuckled slightly, feeling her embarrassment, but wanting to reassure her.  "No, we haven't.  When we do, we won't need the physical contact to stimulate the link.  You won't sever it by moving your hands away, it won't be such a jarring loss."

 

"You mean, you'll be there, all the time?"  Her look was curious, maybe a little fearful.

 

"I'll be in your head, and you'll be in mine.  I won't be able to read your thoughts unless you let me, unless you want me to.  But I'll always be there, you'll always feel me and I'll always feel you."

 

Her face brightened and she smiled, a real Rose Tyler smile, the likes of which he hadn't seen since before that horrible day he was pressed against the white wall in Torchwood Tower.

 

"So, how do we complete this?"

 

He exhaled a breath he didn't know he'd been holding, relief poured through him and into her.  He'd never get used to the idea that she wanted him in this way, especially after everything she'd been through.  "There's a short ceremony, the TARDIS will have to help, we'll need some of her energy to forge the bond."

 

At that moment, the TARDIS jolted again, reminding them both that they had been knocked from the vortex and that all of this had started because he was going to investigate.  The monitors came back to life, information scrolling across them.

 

The Doctor was inclined not to notice.   _Time Machine, have all the time in the world._

 

Rose smiled again and replaced her hands on his temples.   _I heard that... and as much as I want to ignore the outside universe, after everything we've been through, I think we should make sure it's safe._  
  


He sighed dramatically.

 

 _All right, fine.  We'll check it out._  He looked into her eyes and made sure she wasn't distracted.   _We should probably sever the link slowly, let go one at a time, it will be less of a shock._

 

She nodded her understanding.

 

"You let go first, I think I have enough control to ease out and keep the discomfort minimal."  He sent a wave of emotion to her, showing her how much he wanted to be joined to her, how much he'd miss her when they weren't in contact.  "Just one more thing...  Rose Tyler, I love you."

 

She hauled him to her, smashing her lips to his.   _You had to say that now?  Right before I have to let go?_  This new telepathy skill definitely had possibilities.  Being able to talk while her lips had better things to do was certainly a plus.

 

 _Maybe I said it so you wouldn't let me go._  Now that they made the decision to make this connection, he was feeling so much freer with his emotions, it was like a dam had broken and they were pouring out of him.   _It was your idea to stop and check out where we are._  He continued to broadcast how much she was affecting him.  How she made him feel, how grateful he was for her and the connection and for her accepting him.  He pushed how much he loved her into their link, finally allowing himself the freedom to feel it fully himself.   _I need you._  He pushed his hips into her and started to take control of the kiss, dueling with her tongue.

 

She moaned audibly and felt her knees grow weak, she was enthralled by the emotions he was feeding her.  He pulled his lips away and started to nibble and suck on her neck.  Standing was becoming more difficult, she was melting into him.

 

Her hands slipped to his shoulders to help her stay upright but her side of the connection broke.  The Doctor was still projecting into her mind, continuing his mental seduction.  She fought the urge to reconnect, "Doctor, we should stop."

 

_Don't want to._

 

The TARDIS reached out to Rose and gave her an impression of where they were and what had happened.  "Doctor, we're in Cardiff."

  
  


x13x


	41. The Lion King

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Am I dragging this out too much? Is it too much of a rollercoaster? Ugh! I hate my writing style!

The Doctor stopped his stroking of her mind and the movement of his lips on her neck.  He pulled away slightly, but maintained his connection to her temples.  He found he wasn't ready to sever that, maybe he'd never be ready.  In fact, he wanted Rose to connect to him again.

 

He knew he should care more about their surroundings, but he just couldn't find the motivation.  The TARDIS nudged at him, trying to get his attention.  It seemed like she was in a better mood now, she wasn't actively bombarding him with thoughts and visions.

 

He sighed deeply and let go of Rose, slipping his hands from her temples to her hips, but continued to press himself into her.  Holding her this way was nice, not as good as connecting with her mentally, but he had lost control of the physical manifestation of his feelings for her and that part of him was enjoying the contact, however muted it was by their clothes.

 

He turned his head slightly to glance at one of the monitors on the console.  Sure enough they were in Cardiff, and, according to the output, it was because the TARDIS simply needed a recharge.  She had exhausted herself.

 

Bringing Rose into this universe, using the chameleon arch, twice, keeping herself hidden, helping the Doctor dispose of the Family, fighting with the Doctor, and helping both the Doctor and Rose maintain their distance from each other (although reluctantly) had significantly depleted her resources.  The Doctor hadn't realized the toll all of this had taken on his ship and now felt guilty for being so upset with her.  She really did try to keep him safe, all of him.

 

He pushed away from Rose to stroke the console, giving Rose a sheepish smile.  "I'm sorry for being so thick."  His comment was made to the TARDIS, but was really directed at both the ship and Rose.

 

He checked the readouts to confirm that there was indeed no real danger, that they were simply knocked from the vortex by the TARDIS herself, who needed a break.  Everything seemed as it should be, and her power levels were returning to normal, albeit slowly.

 

Rose moved toward him as he turned back to her.  Her hands lifted to touch him but stopped, almost like she was afraid.  He smiled at her and her fear evaporated.  Her hands slid to his chest, one over each of his hearts, which suddenly started beating a lot faster.

 

"Is everything okay?"  She asked in a distracted way.  Her eyes were on her hands and the feel of his heartbeats.  She looked up and her gaze caught on his lips.

 

He dropped his forehead to hers, wrapping his arms around her waist and drawing her closer to his body.  "Everything's fine, or it will be.  The TARDIS just needs a bit of power.  We probably won't be going anywhere for a while, that okay?"

 

Rose nodded and breathed deeply.  She moved her hands to play with the short hairs on the back of his neck and the Doctor practically purred.  "Tell me more about this bond thing."

 

A shiver ran through him at her request.  "Well, we'll need a bit of help from the TARDIS."  The ship's lights blinked affectionately, and both the Doctor and Rose smiled.

 

"She seems to be in favor."  Rose quipped.

 

"She's made her opinion well known before now, believe me."  The Doctor laughed a bit as he said it, then sobered, "Establishing a bond was rare among my people, and not favored by our culture.  Time Lords thought that it made them too dependant on another, emotions that strong were viewed as weaknesses that should be controlled, not encouraged.  It's not something I was trained to embrace."

 

"But you still-"

 

"Yes!"  He cut her off, "Yes, I definitely still want this, that is, if you do."

 

"I do."  She sighed and settled her head against his chest.

 

The Doctor let out a breath and rested his head atop hers.  "Because it was never sanctioned by the High Council, and unofficially banned from our society, Time Lords  that wanted to try to bond needed to do it in secret.  The bonding process takes artron energy to complete because it essentially joins timelines together.  Rebel Time Lords would go to the places on Gallifrey that resonated with time.  Now that Gallifrey..."  His voice started to waver and he clutched Rose tighter, "Well, we don't have that ability."

 

As he paused, Rose lifted her head and brushed her lips against his lightly, trying to comfort him.  The loss of his planet and his people still weighed on him, and would until the end of time.

 

The tips of his lips turned up slightly and he continued, "Without Gallifrey, and other Time Lords, the only way to forge the bond is with help from the TARDIS.  She has a special relationship with time and uses artron energy.  When she's ready, she can help us."

 

The TARDIS blinked and hummed at his conclusion, signaling that she did indeed have enough power now for the task.

 

"So, if you're sure,"  He hesitated briefly and Rose gave him a firm look and a nod."Right then, the ceremony was held in a special place on Gallifrey, but there's a room on the TARDIS that I think will work, I hope I can still find it."

 

x13x

 

Rose followed the Doctor deep into the ship, every so often he would hesitate at an intersection in the hallway before deciding which path would lead him closer to the room he sought.  The TARDIS seemed to be helping to guide him, as she didn’t seem to have the ability to rearrange her interior at the moment.  

 

Finally, after walking for what seemed to be an eternity, they arrived.  The door was trimmed with the circular script that Rose came to identify as the Doctor’s native language.  As they stopped outside of the room, Rose looked more closely at the markings.  They seemed to swirl and shift, becoming clearer,  more identifiable.  The longer she stared, the more legible they became to her eyes.  Was the TARDIS finally translating?

 

Before she could ask, the Doctor let out a breath that ruffled the fringe now falling into his eyes. It drew her attention away from the writing and to his face.  “This room is special.  It’s linked to me more deeply than the others.  In here, you’ll see me…  all of me…”

 

He seemed to be nervous, and truthfully she was as well.  Change was on the horizon and while she was ready and willing for it to happen, she couldn’t help the anxiety coursing through her.  

 

The Doctor gripped the door handle and took a breath to steady himself.  He was about to lay himself bare at her feet, and although he was certain that no harm would come to him from her, the prospect of going through this left him with a certain dread.  “Ready?”  He asked as he turned the knob and stepped to the side, allowing Rose to precede him.

 

x13x

 


	42. Ella Enchanted

A/N:  Not happy with this chapter.  I wish I was better at writing this stuff.  It felt like it took forever, and I didn’t do the theme any justice.  I found that I just wanted to get through it.  I’m sorry.

 

As Rose entered she noticed that the room wasn’t large.  For some reason she expected a huge space, maybe with towering ceilings, dusty and disused for centuries.  But the room was modest, smaller than even her bedroom aboard the ship.  It was dark, yet, not.  The walls appeared to shimmer and ripple, as if they were made of a liquid and seemed to change shape depending on her position and where she looked.  There was a short platform in what looked like the center of the room, but she wasn’t entirely sure where the center was.  It was the only furnishing the room had.

 

As sparse as the room appeared to be, power lingered here.  It was nearly tangible, emanating from the walls themselves.

 

As Rose moved into the room and toward the platform, she noticed that the walls were reflective, like a mirror of sorts.  But her reflection was altered slightly in each angle of the room.

 

“This is the Hall of Mirrors.”  The Doctor was still standing in the open doorway.  “In this room, you see everything, there is no hiding.”  He hesitated and after a moment walked directly to the platform and stood on it, holding his hand out to Rose.

 

From the center of the room, all of the walls cast a reflection and as Rose turned toward the Doctor, she gasped as she caught his reflections.  There, on the walls were the faces and bodies of different men.  She stopped to take them all in.

 

Her eyes settled on a face she thought she’d never see again.  Blue eyes, short cropped hair, leather jacket.

 

It dawned on her then that all of these men were her Doctor.  "They're you."  It was a statement, not a question.

 

He nodded and braced himself for her response.  The Doctor was a little alarmed at her reaction, he wondered if actually seeing all the lives he had led would be the catalyst to change her mind about him.  He didn't hide the fact that he was an ancient alien, but actually seeing the evidence of it, well, maybe that finally crossed a line.

 

Just as he was despairing, a smile bloomed on Rose's face, like the sun coming from behind a stormcloud.  She joined him on the platform and took his outstretched hands.  Her reflection joined his.  "You know, you had some questionable taste."  She said with a grin.

 

He laughed in relief at her acceptance and total agreement with her observation of his earlier dress sense.  He should never have doubted her.  She took in these things so easily.  Would he ever stop underestimating her?

 

Taking a breath and allowing himself to look into her eyes and feel the warmth there, he knew that this was going to be the beginning of the best part of his very long life.  Fighting this for as long as he had was just wrong.  He lost so much time with her.  That wasn't going to happen again.  

 

"A bond will merge our timelines.  There is no deeper or more intimate connection to my people, this was like a merging of souls."  His face was solemn but there was an underlying anticipation to his demeanor.

 

He brought his hands to her temples again and Rose did the same.  Rejoining their minds, their emotions, brought relief to a pain they didn't realize they were experiencing.

 

Rose knew that she wouldn't be able to let go this time, she wasn't strong enough to sever the connection again.  She wanted to stay with him, like this, and never again emerge alone.

 

Although the Doctor never participated in a bonding, he knew what was to come.  He threw himself into Rose and opened himself to her.  The TARDIS would help fuse them together.

 

The reflections in the room swirled.  Images from their respective pasts flashed through.  Their experiences mixed, became shared.

 

The room was suddenly bathed in a white light, like a star going supernova.

 

x13x

 

_We're bonded now._  He was was filled with awe.  His own and hers.  The fairy tales were true.  He could feel her coursing through him and he felt complete in a way that he didn't think was possible. This was more, was so much better than any connection he had made before, even his fumbling attempts with Rose before.  This was binding and freeing, protection and vulnerability.

 

Rose finally opened her eyes to find his boring into her.  They still had their hands at each other's temples.  His thumbs started stroking her face.

 

Rose flinched as his hands released her head to trail lower, expecting to feel the break in their connection.  Her hands grabbed the Doctor tighter, trying to maintain their link.   _No!_

 

_It's all right, Rose.  I'm still here.  We don't have to be touching anymore._  He pulled her hands from his temples and placed them on his chest.

 

He shuddered.  Time Lords weren’t, as a rule, carnal beings.  Physical intimacy wasn’t a driver for their species and the act was all but bred out of them.  There were, however, aberrations, and the Doctor was definitely one of them.

 

Having her touch him now that they were bonded was almost excruciatingly pleasurable.  He could feel her in a way that wasn't possible before.  It was like another of his senses was opened up, his Rose sense, and he wanted to drown in it.

 

Her breathing was shallow.  Pants that were heaving her chest.  Her eyes closed again.  She was trying to acclimate to all of the stimuli bombarding her new, and very sensitive, biology.  She reveled in the feelings awash within her, pulling the Doctor to her both physically and mentally.  She lifted her head and crashed her lips to his.

 

He moaned from the depths of himself.  His arms wrapping around her, one in her hair, the other pulling her hips to his.

 

Needing to press closer, the Doctor pushed into Rose and overbalanced her.   They nearly fell from the platform they were still standing on.   _Sorry_ , he thought absently, still overly focused on getting as close as possible to her body.

 

He steadied himself and Rose but held firm, continuing to plunder her lips as he backed her up into the door of the room.

 

Once they were supported, he flattened himself against her, skating his hand down to pull her thigh around his waist.  Rose was of the same mind.  She grabbed his hips trying to get closer.

 

Their tongues dueled, advancing and retreating, their lungs burned from the lack of breath, their bodies ached from the separation a few layers of clothing brought.

 

He grasped at the door handle, turning and pulling it toward himself, keeping Rose pressed to his front.  Once it was just open barely enough, he pivoted their bodies and rotated out of the door.  This allowed Rose to be more of the aggressor.  As they passed the threshold, Rose was able to push the Doctor up against the door across from them.

 

The TARDIS had, apparently, recovered enough to again begin shifting rooms about in her endless depths.  It took them a full minute to notice that it was in fact the door to the Doctor’s bedroom that was now pressing into his back.

 

Rose had begun attacking his neck, suckling on his adam’s apple while running her fingers through his hair.  He could barely draw breath.  He’d been denied this type of contact by his people and by himself for so long that to now be thrust into it was his undoing.  His control was lost.

 

They were one soul, now they needed to be one body.

  
x13x


	43. The Last Crusade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Posting the last 2 chapters together because I don't like the 'epilogue' - I feel like it's a cop out (not that epilogues in general are a cop out, just the one I wrote), and I don't want anyone waiting for that.
> 
> This chapter has more stuff that I'm not comfortable writing, but it's getting easier to edit. I find that I'm much more comfortable writing angst and action than this...

Even after, he could only describe the feeling as all encompassing euphoria.  He lay naked with Rose sprawled across him in his bed, the sheets tangled about them drifting in and out of a haze of post coital bliss.  He was stroking her hair, occasionally allowing his fingers to drift lower and caress her back, raising goosebumps on her skin.

 

He felt drunk.  Fuzzy and warm and buzzing, not caring in the least for anything outside of this room.  He breathed deeply and turned both himself and Rose to their sides.  He kissed her languidly as he explored both her body and her mind.  He felt contentment and love wash over him and it was more rewarding than all of the other experiences he'd participated in over the last few hours.

 

 _Really, Doctor?  Better than *everything* we’ve done?_  Even though she didn’t speak, he could hear her the cheek in her remark and he snorted in laughter.  She did have a point though.

 

“Weeeell… Maybe not everything.”  He had pulled his lips from her to respond and Rose growled in disappointment.  Noticing her distress, he teased her by not allowing her to reclaim his mouth.  He held himself away from her just slightly, denying them both satisfaction.

 

In retaliation, Rose pushed more of herself into his mind.  Showing him what she wanted, how he made her feel, promising him nirvana if he’d surrender to her will.

 

 _Oh, Rose._  He gave in and allowed her to claim his lips again.  They’d only been bonded for a few hours (he thought) and already she’d been able to overpower him and bend him to her whim.  In truth, he’d been so aroused by her command of this particular skill, of using her newfound telepathy, that he capitulated quite willingly.

 

That’s not to say that he’d been passive.  Once the Doctor decided to give Rose all of himself, he found that he no longer had the power, or desire, to hold back.

 

x13x

 

Rose wanted to bask in all of the new sensations being opened to her.  She wasn't sure if it was due to her evolved biology, or the bond, or maybe both, but everything felt sharper... clearer...  just more.  

 

Even the physical touches, the things she expected, the things she had fantasized about were, in reality, more than she dared to imagine.  His touch was exciting yet comforting and her body's response was so overwhelming that she was nearly embarrassed by it.  She felt as if she craved him now, like going back or living without him wouldn't be possible.  If he ceased to be, so would she.   That was probably what he was trying to caution her about, what he feared about forming this bond.

 

That thought however, broke through her rapture.  She couldn’t help but wonder if he still had reservations.  If even now, after everything they had promised each other, both in mind and body, did he still doubted her constancy?

 

Before she could even fully form the query, her mind was suffused with love, and the Doctor pulled her tighter to himself.  “I believe now, Rose.  I swear I do.”  His lips traveled to the side of her face, trailing down to her neck.  “I think I always have.”  He moved lower to caress her collar bones with his tongue, moving his body on top of her and pressing her into the mattress.

 

She tangled her hands in his hair, encouraging him to touch her as he liked, arching into him, wrapping herself around him.  He was hers, now and forever.  To hear him say that he believed in them loosened something within her that she didn’t realize had been coiled so tightly.  She sighed deeply in contentment.  Now she had to just start to believe that this wasn’t all just a wondrous dream.

 

 _Want me to prove it to you?_  The Doctor’s lips were occupied, so he spoke directly into her mind.  

 

“What did you have in mind?”

  


x13x

  


“What happened to Martha?”  Rose asked while tracing shapes with her fingers on the Doctor’s chest.  At her query, she felt guilt pass through their link.  She pushed herself up and turned to face him.  “I felt that.  What happened?”

 

The Doctor was once again surprised by her telepathic abilities.  He had tried to suppress the negative emotion from her, but apparently, he wasn’t strong enough.  Either that, or the bond just made him all the more transparent to her.  He tried to lock those feelings down again.

 

 _Please don’t hide from me._  She pushed his fringe away from his face and bent to kiss him softly.   _Please tell me what’s wrong.  I want to help._  She tried to convey comfort and concern to him, pushing her support through their link.

 

He closed his eyes and breathed deeply.  “It’s not that I want to hide.  It’s just…”  Embarrassment ran through him, and into her by proxy, “I really didn’t treat Martha all that well.  She deserved better.”

 

“Well, she was in love with you.  It’s not easy being near you all the time dealing with unrequited love..  Believe me, I know.”  Her eyes met his.

 

“Wait, what?”  Confusion poured off of him.  “She was in love with me?”  His thoughts flicked to Martha as he continued to process what Rose had told him.  Realization and shame coursed through him.  “And what do you mean, ‘Believe me?’  I’ll have you know that I loved you long before you loved me.  Unrequited indeed!”  He had pushed himself up into a seat position, pushing Rose off of his chest.  Indignation flashed in his eyes.

 

“First, yes, she was in love with you.  I knew her for all of five minutes before I underwent the chameleon arch and I could tell, but even after, when I didn’t know who either of you were, it was bloody obvious!”  His cheeks reddened.  “You’re a flirt, Doctor!”  She kissed his nose and then began to address the rest of her comments.

 

“We spent years together, and not once in all that time did you ever give any indication that you wanted anything more from me than a hand to hold.”  He looked at her with suspicion and was about to refute her argument.  “You wouldn’t dance with me, any pretty face could grab your attention…”  She trailed off, thinking of Reinette.  “ You sent me away, over and over…  And…  you never…  on the beach…  you didn’t…”

 

He grabbed her again and held her tightly.   _I love you.  I loved you then, I love you now.  I’m so sorry._  He pushed his memories into her mind.  How he felt in all of the scenarios she articulated.  His jealousy and desire when she wanted to dance and the lust at the double entendre.  His confusion with Reinette, and the guilt that accompanied his perceived transgression.   _I never did anything!  She kissed me!_  His misery and abhorrence for having to send her away to keep her safe, and finally, the absolute despair at the thought of never seeing her again.  The elation that her words brought him that day he burned up a sun, and the total heartbreak and desolation when his time was up and his sentence went unfinished.

 

His lips caressed hers, reliving all of those moments and desperately trying to rewrite history with his kisses.  She let the sensations wash over her, in awe of his emotions and unable to believe that all through that time he really did love her.

 

x13x

 

When they finally calmed again, her curiosity won out, “Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

 

He blushed, “I’m a Time Lord.”

 

It appeared that was the only explanation he was willing to give.  It gave her the impression that these feelings, these actions were somehow beneath him.  It hurt a little.

 

"Rose, no, it's not that."  How was it possible that they could share this kind of connection and still misread each other?  He guessed it was just some type of habit that they had, to willfully misunderstand each other.  "First of all, I didn't really know what was happening.  This isn't something that I have a lot of experience with."  His blush deepened.  "My people didn't embrace these emotions, so I really never had to handle them before."  He paused and looked in her eyes.  "But you...  you turned me upside down.  I was in love with you before I could even name what I was feeling.  It scared me."  He smiled at her slightly before his face turned sad.  "And then you were gone, and all I could do was mourn you."  He stroked her hair as he said it.

 

She kissed him again, in forgiveness, in reassurance, in love.  This, what they had, was going to take work.  They both had to get past their insecurities and really believe.

  
x13x


	44. Dragon Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I can't believe it's DONE! I know it's a bit of a let down ending but I've kind of exhausted my ability to stretch...
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> I have to say thank you to EVERYONE who has read this monstrosity. I can't tell you how happy it's made me to see that you've stuck with me for over a YEAR!
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> This story went through such a metamorphosis, I can honestly say that I had absolutely no idea that it would end up where it did.
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> I'm babbling... I'm sorry...

They did finally circle back to what happened with Martha.  

 

Rose knew that the Doctor was troubled by the way he had left things with her, even if most of the time he was sublimely happy.  She suggested that he visit her, the TARDIS agreed so readily that her lights blinked and the console room appeared directly in front of them.

 

He decided to go alone, leaving Rose in the TARDIS, wanting to explain himself and give Martha his undivided attention.  It was the first time since the bond that he and Rose were more than a few feet from each other.  It wasn't altogether comfortable at first, for either of them.

 

He found Martha at home and the conversation went reasonably well, although it was strained and awkward at first.  She was more than a little upset with him and he felt he deserved her animosity, but he was charming as usual and she relented eventually.

 

He thanked her profusely for helping him with the Family, for keeping him safe, but most especially for keeping Rose safe.  When she asked about Rose he couldn't keep the smile from his face.

 

He offered her another trip in time and space.  She declined saying that she had to focus on herself more and that when she was on board the TARDIS (although she was alluding to the time she spent with the Doctor), she didn't.  She did wish him and Rose every happiness, and managed that with a smile that wasn't too forced.

 

Apparently Rose had been right, maybe Martha really did have feelings for him.

 

x13x

 

The Doctor and Rose, both curious by nature, spent a lot of time testing Rose's biology.  They found that the TARDIS had somehow given Rose half of her 'heart' which not only pulled Rose back into this universe, it linked her to the TARDIS and to the Doctor.  Even without their bond, they would have been connected on some level.

 

Her connection to the TARDIS also explained the strength of her telepathic abilities.  She was a strong telepath and with the Doctor's guidance, honed that skill, much to his delight.

 

They continued to try to communicate with the parallel universe Rose's family was still a part of, but had not been successful, still they hoped, and hope was a good emotion.

 

x13x

 

They eventually returned to Scotland, trying to time it so that it was close to when they had left.

 

The castle they had been filming in was cordoned off with tape, one whole side of the structure looked to be in the process of being reinforced.  Rumors indicated that a strange meteor hit the building.

 

The movie itself had been scrapped.  Even as near as it was to filming completion, there was still post production, marketing, etc. to be done and the mysterious backers had suddenly pulled out.

 

The Doctor was somewhat relieved by this turn of events, he didn't really fancy the idea of being a part of Earth's movie history and he hoped that his legacy as John Smith would die in time.  He was more than tempted to buy up and destroy every last item that John Smith had a role in.

 

Rose found the demise of the movie bittersweet.  When influenced by the chameleon arch Rose Tyler loved John Smith and was tortured by the thought of their last scenes together.  Leaving the movie unfinished was like cheating the person she was of her happy ending.

 

But, the real Rose Tyler loved the Doctor, she gave him her forever and in return he gave her his.  They traveled the universe together, through time and space, the Stuff of Legends, just as it should be.

 

x13x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: There's another fic kicking around in my head that actually distracted me from this one for a while. In fact, this story almost didn't get written, the other took over my brain so much. It's a 'Journey's End/End of Time' fix it. I've got a few chapters written. But I think I'm going to give up writing for a while and stick to reading. It's gonna take a while for me to get my guts up again to post something new.
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> Thank you all again for reading and especially to those who took the time to review and comment. This story would probably have been abandoned without your encouragement!


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